The summer we graduated high school, all four of the boys I’d grown up with told me they were headed to New Mexico. They wanted me to come with them. For that, Adrian—the boy I’d been quietly in love with for years—finally said yes when I confessed. Then, on the day the acceptances went official, I overheard them talking. “Okay, the act’s gone on long enough. Who the hell would actually move out to the New Mexico desert? We just had to sell it to get her out of here.” “Clara’s such an idiot. She really bought it—thought she was some princess with four guys orbiting around her.” “She was never easy to be around anyway. None of the girls at school liked her. Lily needs us way more than she does.” Lily was our housekeeper’s daughter. She was also supposed to be my best friend. I pushed the door open. Adrian didn’t so much as flinch. “Weren’t you the one who told us to be nicer to Lily? Now that we actually are, what are you crying about?” “Clara, just go to New Mexico. We’ll bring Lily out to see you all the time.” I laughed. It came out ugly. They didn’t know. The New Mexico I was going to wasn’t some vacation spot—it was a closed-campus defense research program, sealed off by a signed non-disclosure agreement. … “Clary, look at you—not throwing a fit. You’ve really grown up.” Adrian had clearly braced himself for me to scream and cry. Instead, I just stood there, quiet. I asked him, “If I did throw a fit, would you come to New Mexico with me?” Mason, Logan, and Owen went silent. Adrian was the first to speak. “We honestly did plan to go, at first. But Lily said she didn’t want to leave the East Coast. She asked us to stay with her.” Mason jumped in. “You’ve been climbing trees, riding horses, and hopping fences with us since we were kids. You’re tough as hell. Lily’s different—New Mexico isn’t the place for her.” I clenched the hem of my dress and worked to keep my voice steady. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Owen answered, perfectly calm. “At first we just forgot. Then we figured this was better anyway. Lily needs us more than you do. You’re independent enough—you’ll be fine on your own.” I nodded and forced the tears back down. I’d grown up in a private estate community in North Virginia, just outside D.C. I was the only girl in our little circle. My parents’ friends spoiled me. The four boys shielded me. When we played make-believe as kids, they fought over who got to be my knight, and Adrian was always my groom. We grew up together. I never once imagined a day when there’d be nothing left to say between us. “Lily’s eighteenth birthday is coming up in a few days. Don’t make things awkward for her over this.” The one saying it was Mason—the same Mason who’d just called me a princess. He was the football captain at school. His memory was terrible. He forgot my birthday every single year. But now, apparently, he had another girl’s date locked down to the day. I forced a small smile. “I’ve already got her gift ready. It’s that bag she’s been wanting—” Mason cut me off. “She’s already got one. Give her the silver pendant.” I froze. That silver pendant had been commissioned by our five families the year we were all born. Each one had a name engraved on the back. Our parents used to say they hoped the five of us would love each other like family for the rest of our lives. And now he was telling me to hand mine over to Lily. I closed my hand around the pendant I’d worn since I was a baby, and I shook my head. “No.” Mason frowned. “Then give her the clay figures.” He didn’t wait for an answer this time. He walked straight into my collection room and came back out cradling all five clay figures in his arms. We’d made them together the summer we turned ten, at a pottery class at the country club camp. Five lumpy little figures—crooked, awkward, but you could still tell which was which. Mason picked out the one with the braids—the girl—and set her back on the shelf. “You can keep this one. Lily said she only wants the four of us.” My little clay self sat there alone in the cabinet. I finally lost it. “Mason, we made those together when we were ten. You are not taking them.” I chased after him a few steps, but Adrian and Owen stepped in front of me. My nails dug into my palms. I stared at his back and shouted. “You walk out that door with those, we’re done. For good.” Mason paused. He didn’t turn around. “Fine, we’re done. When have you ever been mad without saying that?” I tried to push past them, but Adrian caught my arm. “Come on, Clary. Don’t be like this. Be generous. You’ve had everything your whole life. Lily hasn’t. She’s just the housekeeper’s daughter.” “Share a little of what you have. Don’t be so petty.” Had I not shared? When she and her mother first moved into the staff quarters at the Whitaker estate, I was the one who begged my parents to fund her tuition so she could go to my private school with me. When she couldn’t keep up in class, I gave up my free time to tutor her. When she said she’d never been to Europe, I invited her along on our summer trip. When she said she didn’t belong here, I told her, over and over, that she was my friend. When she said she had no one, I personally introduced her to Adrian, Mason, Logan, and Owen. I even told her I was in love with Adrian. Back then, I really did think of her as my best friend. And in the end, I was the one who got left behind. I looked at Adrian—the boy I’d been in love with for six years. “Share my love with her. And what about yours?” “Adrian—was it because you liked her? Is that why you lied to me?” “You said yes to my confession because you knew I couldn’t do long distance. You knew I’d follow you to New Mexico. That’s what this was, isn’t it?” Adrian pulled me into his arms. “No, Clary. I’ve been in love with you for years. Lily is your best friend. I just couldn’t feel right leaving her here alone.” He didn’t love Lily. But he couldn’t stand to leave her alone on the East Coast. He’d loved me for years. But he could send me alone into the depths of the New Mexico desert without losing sleep. “I’ll fly out to see you every month. As often as I can. Okay?” He said it while reaching up to wipe away the tears I couldn’t stop. I turned my head away. His hand hung there in midair. I could feel his patience thinning by the second. “Clary. Stop. Be an adult about this. Lily just leans on us a little, that’s all.” “Look, Lily and the guys are waiting on me. When you’ve calmed down, we’ll talk.” He pulled out his phone and dropped a voice note into a group chat. “Heading out soon. Start queuing up some graduation songs.” Reflex made me glance at my own phone. Nothing. The five of them had cut me out and started a separate group. I wiped my eyes and, with shaking fingers, typed out a message to the program coordinator. I’m confirming the early check-in. I’ll report to the Sandridge Defense Research Center in New Mexico at the end of July.
The coordinator wrote back almost immediately. Understood. Come by the school tomorrow before your graduation party to finalize the paperwork. The next morning, I covered the swelling around my eyes with concealer and went in. On the way, Lily’s socials kept refreshing with a flood of new photos. They’d rented out a private karaoke suite, then driven down to the river. Lily’s caption read: The five of us. Forever together. The comments were rolling in. Jealous—I want four hot knights of my own. Lily really did take Clary’s spot. Girl’s got charisma! I let out a bitter laugh and liked every single post. The six-person group chat—dead silent for months—lit up in seconds. Lily just wrote whatever came to mind. You weren’t there. Whose fault is that? Don’t get worked up. Nobody left you out on purpose. Lily just wants company tonight. Don’t take it out on her. I turned my phone off. At school, I finished my paperwork in no time. The college counselor clapped a hand on my shoulder. “I have to say—I never saw this coming. Your family spoils you rotten, and yet you’re the only one turning down the East Coast schools to go early to New Mexico.” “Me neither.” Of the five of us, I would be the first to leave. By evening, Adrian and the others had made it to the graduation party. Wherever they went, girls gathered. That was when I noticed, for the first time, just how popular Lily had become. I stepped a little closer and heard one of the girls laughing. “There’s a trust fund princess in our class. Guess who?” “Clara, obviously. Four guys have circled her since forever. She actually thinks she’s the queen of the estate.” “She only helped Lily get into our school so she’d look like a saint. Fake as hell. Who is she to look down on the rest of us?” I’d never looked down on any of them. For years, Adrian and the boys had told me I didn’t need anyone else. They were enough. Then Lily came along. Every time I tried to make a new friend, she’d tug at me, wounded-eyed. “Clara, you’re the only friend I have. Just ignore them.” I used to think that meant she cared. Lily was standing in the middle of them now, smiling softly. “That’s just how Clara is. Try to be patient with her.” “Why should we?” The girls scoffed. “She’s been spoiled her whole life. She actually thinks everyone should bend over backwards for her.” “Well, at least she’s off to the New Mexico desert. Let’s see her strut around throwing herself at Adrian out there.” I looked up. Adrian and Mason were on the couch right next to them. They were staring at their phones. Like they hadn’t heard a word. I took a few deep breaths and walked over. “Princess complex? Throwing myself at people? When did I ever do any of that? Lily. Adrian. Say something.” The girls’ faces flickered awkwardly the second they saw me. Lily grabbed my hand. “Clara, we just graduated. Everyone’s finally letting loose. Don’t make a thing of it.” “Let go of me.” I shook her off. “I treated you like a friend. And you’re spreading lies about me?” Lily stumbled back a few steps and dropped onto the crate of drinks behind her. All four boys rushed over. Mason snapped, “Clara, are you seriously still this impulsive?” Adrian shot me a look of pure disappointment, bent down, and lifted Lily into his arms. Owen’s voice came low and cold. “Enough. If Lily’s hurt, don’t blame us for forgetting old times and putting you in your place.” Owen had been the brother I trusted most. He’d once promised he’d never let anyone hurt me. Now his bias ran so deep he couldn’t even see her act for what it was. Four boys who’d spent their whole lives circling me. Now they all circled her. I turned and walked out. The girls came after me and grabbed a fistful of my hair. “Push someone down and think you’re just gonna walk away?” “Lily’s sweet. Why should she put up with you? We’re settling this for her!” I struggled, but they pinned me down. Across the room, Adrian glanced over.
Lily’s eyes filled with tears. “Adrian, aren’t you going to stop them?” Adrian was absently smoothing out the hem of her dress. “She’s got a temper. Wouldn’t hurt to have it knocked down a peg.” Mason and Owen smirked. “Clara’s been scrapping with us since we could walk. What are a few girls gonna do to her?” They wrenched my head up by the hair and slapped me across the face. Again. And again. My cheeks burned. When the girls saw that Adrian and the others had barely spared me a glance before turning back to fuss over Lily, they got bolder. They dragged me straight into the bathroom. “You just love playing lady bountiful, don’t you? Handing out charity from up there on your high horse?” “Well, New Mexico’s all desert. Not much water out there. Let’s get you plenty while you can.” They dumped a whole bucket of ice water over my head, shoved me into a stall, and locked me in from the outside. “Sit in there and think about what you’ve done. Let’s see how long it takes those four knights of yours to remember their little slut of a princess.” They’d taken my phone. I climbed up onto the toilet. When I scrambled over the top of the stall, I landed hard on the tile. My ankle screamed like it had split in two. I dragged my right leg to the bathroom door and pounded on it. It was jammed shut. I’d been talked about before. But no one had ever dared put hands on me like this—not with Adrian and the boys in the room. I remembered the way they’d huddled around Lily as I was hauled off. I pulled my knees up to my chest and dropped my head between them. The graduation party had started. Outside, the noise sounded like a different world entirely. I don’t know how long I sat there. Eventually I heard familiar voices out in the hall. “Did Clara go home?” “I don’t think so. I saw those girls take her somewhere.” “Whatever, let them teach her a lesson. Just don’t let it blow up. Her parents will lose their minds.” Adrian kicked the door in irritation. I was about to shout out—then I heard Logan. “Adrian—how long are you actually planning to keep up this boyfriend act?” I went still. Logan had confessed to me when we were sixteen. I’d turned him down, saying there was someone else. Adrian was quiet for a moment. “Couple of months. Once she’s out in New Mexico, I’ll break things off. Blame the distance.” “I love Clary like family. Talking her into moving out there alone—it doesn’t sit right. If playing boyfriend for a couple of months makes her happy, then fine. Consider it a parting gift.” I bit down on my lip and swallowed the cry for help. Logan laughed once. “Sounds like a last supper. Let me know when it’s over.” “What—you going after her?” Adrian sounded amused. “I thought you had a thing for Lily.” Logan clapped him on the shoulder. “Clara turned me down back in the day. Can’t a guy get his revenge? Making Clara Whitaker fall for me and then dropping her—that’d be pretty satisfying, actually.” Their voices faded down the hall. Something inside me went cold and quiet. Fever burned through me, and I drifted. In my delirium, I dreamed my way back to when I was twelve. I’d made a lot of new friends at school that year. I’d stay out with them until late every afternoon, and by the time I got back to the estate, I’d barely see Adrian and the boys at all. Owen said, with all the gravity of a courtroom lawyer: “So you get some new friends and now you don’t want us anymore?” Mason flopped down on the lawn, sulking. “I don’t care. You have to swear we’re your best friends. Otherwise I’m going after them.” Adrian and Logan each grabbed one of my hands. “No new friends. Just us. Nobody’s ever going to be as good to you as we are.” When I wouldn’t swear it, they secretly scratched a little smiley face into the back of each of their silver pendants. They said, We swear—as long as Clara stays with us, if she walks east, we won’t walk west. A kid’s oath. It became a joke in the end. I hadn’t stayed with them. I went to the New Mexico desert. They stayed behind, with the one who came after. They kept me locked in there all night. When I opened my eyes again, I was in a hospital. Adrian was there at my bedside, holding my hand.
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