The rain was pouring. I had been waiting for my boyfriend at the lab entrance for three hours. Then, my phone rang. It was him. “Vivian used one of her Privilege Coupons to make me pick her up. You should just Uber back by yourself, Chloe.” This was already the sixteenth time this month. It didn’t matter if it was Valentine’s Day or my birthday. With just one call, Ethan Carter would leave me behind without a second thought to go to her. Because when they broke up, they still had 99 unused “Relationship Privilege Coupons” left. I looked at my Uber app. There were over a hundred people in the queue ahead of me. I gripped the handle of my umbrella tighter. “The rain is too heavy… Can you please pick me up first?” On the other end of the line, there was only impatient blaming. “Vivian said she couldn’t get a ride, and you guys aren’t even heading in the same direction. It’s a waste of time for me to pick you up before going to her.” A busy tone cut through the air. He had hung up on me. So, he chose her. Again. Even though on her last birthday, she supposedly used the very last coupon. In a single moment, all my hope turned into complete disappointment. I let out a self-deprecating laugh and closed the Uber app. My finger slid across the screen, opening the chat box with my academic advisor. “Professor Vance, I want to sign up for the three-year locked-in Antarctic research expedition.” In three days, the research vessel heading to Antarctica would set sail. …
When I pushed the door open to our apartment, I was soaked to the bone. Water dripped down my calves, leaving a dark, wet puddle on the floor. But the warm lights in the living room were on, creating a cozy atmosphere. Ethan was holding a hairdryer, gently drying Vivian’s hair. Vivian held up her phone to show him something, and they laughed together. It felt like I had traveled back in time, watching the two of them being so intimate. A sharp pain pricked my heart once again. Hearing the door open, she turned her head. “Chloe is back.” Ethan gently pressed her head down, sighing with affection. “Don’t move around, or you’ll complain that I didn’t dry it properly again.” He looked up and saw me standing there soaking wet, looking a bit startled. “You didn’t bring an umbrella?” A wave of suppressed emotions welled up in my throat. But the words died in my mouth when I saw Vivian wearing my matching couple’s pajamas. Vivian and I grew up together. We had almost the exact same height and measurements, so we had shared clothes since we were kids. We used to think these coincidences were proof of our deep connection. Until I realized we both fell in love with the same man. Our connection finally turned sour. I looked away and forced a smile like I usually did. “I forgot…” Ethan didn’t explain anything either. He just said: “It’s a good thing you’ve always had a strong immune system. A little rain won’t hurt you. Vivian is different. She’s fragile. Just because of a little rain, she had to waste a Privilege Coupon.” Vivian rolled her eyes at him and smirked. “I just wanted a free chauffeur. It didn’t cost me anything, so why not?” The two of them started their usual playful bickering, as if that could somehow hide their underlying connection. Without saying a word, I took off my dripping coat and walked into the kitchen. The water on the counter was already ice cold. I was about to pour a cup just to get by. Suddenly, Vivian sneezed from the living room. She curled up on the sofa, clutching her stomach, her face pale with cold sweat on her forehead. Ethan walked into the kitchen in a hurry and took the glass from my hand. He turned to boil fresh water and carefully made her a cup of hot honey tea. I suddenly remembered that these two days were her period. No wonder a package had been delivered to the door earlier. It was her favorite brand of feminine products. Seeing me standing idle, he ordered me around naturally. “Chloe, go help her rub her stomach. I’ll boil the water.” He handed me a hot water bag. The scalding heat sent a sudden jolt of pain through my freezing skin. But he didn’t notice at all. I smiled mockingly at myself, took the hot water bag, and sat down next to Vivian, placing it gently over her stomach. Ethan brought the warm tea, fetched a blanket to cover her knees, and kept himself busy hovering around her. Vivian leaned against my shoulder, her face pale but her eyes curving into a smile. “I knew I made the right choice to break up with him and set you two up.” “See? Now both of you can take care of me.” Hearing this, Ethan seemed a bit annoyed and scoffed quietly. Vivian giggled, then pouted at me. “Chloe, I miss your cooking.” Ethan stood up and turned to me, his tone making it sound like a given. “Chloe, go make her a bowl of pasta. She’s not feeling well right now.” Vivian pulled my arm, pretending to politely decline. “Maybe later. She hasn’t even taken a shower after being in the rain for so long.” But Ethan insisted. “Let her cook first before taking a shower. That way we don’t waste time. If we wait any longer, it’ll be late-night junk food, which is bad for her stomach.” With that, he smiled and pushed me into the kitchen, closing the door behind me. The sound of the door closing shut me out into a completely different world. While cutting the vegetables, the knife slipped and sliced into my left index finger. A dull pain made me gasp. Beads of blood immediately welled up, dripping down my finger. Meanwhile, the sound of their roaring laughter over a TV show drifted in from the living room. When the aroma of the food started to fill the kitchen, I heard Vivian shamelessly commanding Ethan: “I don’t want to move. Bring it over to me.” He walked into the kitchen, picked up the bowl meant for Vivian near the door, and turned to leave. Only my bowl was left behind, sitting lonely on the counter.
Vivian always said that the person who comes later enjoys the shade of the tree planted by the one before. But this tree had long since grown into exactly what Vivian liked. The pale yellow curtains in the living room, the soft fabric sofa—all of them were chosen by Vivian back then. The branches of this tree were too thick. But the shade it left for me didn’t even cover my feet. My head felt heavy, so I sat down on the sofa. Ethan and Vivian sat down next to me and started a movie. “Have you seen this one? The male lead was so dumb back then.” Vivian pointed at the screen. “You insisted on dragging me to the theater, and then you fell asleep yourself.” They were sharing a past that I had no part of, perfectly in sync. I sat between them like a ghost. The AC in the living room was set very low. Having just been drenched in the rain, I was shivering. As my consciousness started to blur, a cashmere blanket was suddenly wrapped around me. Ethan leaned down, carefully tucking in the edges for me. “How old are you? You still don’t know how to take care of yourself.” Before I could even savor this long-awaited warmth. Vivian rubbed her arms and shivered. “This movie is making me feel a bit chilly, too.” Ethan’s hands froze for a fraction of a second as he tucked me in. The next second, the blanket was pulled away, and most of it was draped over Vivian. The blanket slid off my shoulders, leaving only a tiny corner that barely covered my knees. The cold air rushed over me again, making my head spin even more. I couldn’t take it anymore and stood up. “You guys go ahead and watch. I’m going to bed.” Before closing my bedroom door, I couldn’t help but look back. Ethan had taken my spot, and Vivian’s head was resting on his shoulder. The two of them looked just like the main characters of the movie—a picture-perfect couple. I collapsed onto the bed, my head pounding like it was about to explode. I don’t know how much time passed before my door was pushed open. Ethan walked in, complaining. “Vivian went home by herself. It’s so late, and she still insisted on not letting me drive her.” He kept looking at his phone, checking Vivian’s GPS location over and over. “Thank God she made it home safe, otherwise—” Only then did he look up and notice my flushed face. “Chloe?” He reached out to touch my forehead. “Why are you so hot?” Muttering under his breath, he quickly brought over some warm water. A warm, damp towel was placed on my forehead. His face was inches away, and his concern seemed genuine. Suddenly, my eyes welled with tears. “Ethan, I’m leaving.” His hand paused, and then he let out a soft laugh. “Are you delirious from the fever? Where are you going?” After seeing the number on the thermometer, his brow furrowed deeply. “No way. I’m taking you to the hospital.” He rushed to grab his car keys and coat. I watched his frantic silhouette. My hardened heart, softened by his sudden panic, cracked just a little. Maybe he did care about me? Before Ethan could even put on his coat, his phone rang. It was Vivian. “Ethan, Milo is missing!” Her voice on the other end was trembling with tears. “I’ve searched everywhere and I can’t find him. Did he run outside…” Milo was the cat they had raised together. After they broke up, the cat went to Vivian, which also became the perfect excuse for Ethan to visit her house. Ethan’s hand holding the car keys froze in mid-air. “Stay with me, please?” I looked at him, holding onto my very last shred of hope. Whether we went to the hospital or just stayed home. I just needed him to choose me once. Ethan avoided my gaze. “Take some fever medicine first.” He grabbed a random box of medicine from the first-aid kit and stuffed it into my hands. “Milo is like my kid, too. It’s raining so hard outside. He’ll be terrified.” Then he turned and rushed out, his back filled with urgency. The front door slammed shut again. I looked down at the box of medicine in my hand. It was Vivian’s allergy medication. He had kept it all this time. I threw the medicine into the trash can, picked up my phone from the nightstand, and finally smiled with relief. At the very bottom of the Antarctic research confirmation form, I signed my name.
After signing the form, I wandered into the living room in a daze to find some actual fever medicine. I felt top-heavy, and every step felt like walking on clouds. I pulled open a drawer, only to find Vivian’s hydrating face masks. Further back were Vivian’s vitamins and her hand cream left behind. In this home that supposedly belonged to us, their memories were scattered everywhere. In the end, I found two cold pills and swallowed them dry. My throat burned with pain. While booking my flight tickets. By chance, I stumbled upon a new update Ethan had just posted on Instagram. The picture was of Vivian holding the newly found Milo. Ethan was beside her, playing with the cat. Their hands overlapped in front of the camera. Caption: [Our lost baby is back. Mommy and Daddy will love you forever.] I stared at the words “Mommy and Daddy” for a long time. Just as I was about to scroll down, the screen flickered. When I refreshed, the post was gone. I didn’t know if he had hidden it from me or deleted it entirely. I didn’t have the energy to care. Just then, Ethan sent a voice note. “Milo still hasn’t been found. The rain is too heavy. You should go to sleep first.” He didn’t even bother to make up a believable lie. The cat had clearly been found, but he just wanted to spend the night with Vivian. “Ethan, are you staying at Vivian’s place tonight?” After a brief silence, he finally replied. “She and I broke up a long time ago. Don’t overthink it.” I tossed my phone aside. I lay back down on the bed, fighting a low fever all through the night. My pillow was soaked, though I couldn’t tell if it was with sweat or tears. The next morning, I was woken up by Ethan, who had returned at some point. “Chloe, today is our third anniversary.” He pulled open the curtains, letting the blinding sunlight in. “Let’s go to the zoo.” He pulled me downstairs, my steps still a bit unsteady. When we reached the garage, I saw Vivian sitting in the passenger seat. “If I hadn’t reminded him, you would’ve been waiting to yell at him,” she said as she got out of the car, standing naturally next to Ethan as she teased him. “You weren’t this forgetful when you were dating me.” Ethan rubbed his nose guiltily and slid into the driver’s seat. Vivian smiled and wrapped her arm around mine. “Chloe, you’re way too gentle. But with this guy, you really have to train him.” It wasn’t that I hadn’t fought over these things before. In the beginning, Ethan would apologize for being late to our dates. During our worst fight, he drove eight hours to the out-of-state lab where I was working on an experiment. In front of my peers, he knelt on one knee in the rain, promising he would never make me wait again. I had punched his shoulder with a red face, while he smiled like an idiot because I had forgiven him. “Besides my baby, who else is worth all this effort?” Until later, when Vivian called him away again and again using those “Privilege Coupons.” Every time he left in the middle of our dates to accompany Vivian, it became an unspoken rule. Clearly, today wasn’t about our anniversary. It was because Vivian wanted to go to the zoo. The zoo was packed during peak season, and the entrance split into two paths. To the left was the Antarctic Exhibit, and to the right was the Artificial Rainforest. Our combo tickets had to be scanned separately here. Because of a special event today, the Rainforest required couples to enter in pairs. Vivian looked at me with a conflicted expression. “Chloe, why don’t you go to the Antarctic Exhibit?” Before she could even finish, Ethan had already made the decision. “Didn’t you keep saying you wanted to go to Antarctica when you had that fever?” “It’s cold inside. It’ll help you cool down.” With that, he pushed me toward the Antarctic Exhibit. Then, holding the remaining two tickets, he walked toward the Artificial Rainforest with Vivian. I stood at the gate, watching their backs merge into the crowd. I hadn’t fully recovered from the fever, and the cold air of the Antarctic Exhibit made my joints ache. I found a bench in the corner to sit down and rest. A young couple walked past me hand-in-hand. “Let’s go to the rainforest later. They have a couple’s chemistry challenge there today.” “I heard the grand prize is a limited-edition plushie. Win it for me!” Listening to them, I stood up. I took a long detoured path and finally walked toward the exit of the Artificial Rainforest. A loud commotion came from ahead. Before I could even get close, the surrounding crowd pushed me to the very front. Amidst a wave of screams and cheers, I looked toward the stage. Ethan was holding Vivian, and the two of them were locked in a passionate kiss.
The host’s voice boomed over the speakers of the rainforest exhibit. “Last ten seconds!” By the time the crowd pushed me to the front, Ethan was leaning down, kissing Vivian. His hand was cupped behind her waist, holding her protectively. “Six! Five! Four!” Vivian clung to his chest, standing on her tiptoes to kiss him back. As the countdown ended, a thunderous applause erupted. The host handed the microphone to Ethan. “Congratulations to both of you on passing the challenge!” “Sir, is there anything you want to say to your girlfriend?” Ethan took the mic, looked at Vivian, and his voice was so tender it made my ears ring. “You will always have the privilege.” Vivian blushed and planted a kiss on his cheek. Another cheer erupted from the crowd. Someone next to me sighed with envy. “So sweet.” “This guy spoils his girlfriend so much.” I looked down and let out a soft laugh. Yeah. He spoiled her. But the girl he spoiled wasn’t me. As the crowd dispersed, Vivian walked off the stage with her arm wrapped around Ethan’s. She was cradling the limited-edition plushie in her arms, her lipstick slightly smudged. Seeing me, she didn’t panic at all. Instead, she rummaged through her bag, pulled out a palm-sized plush keychain, and stuffed it into my hands. “Chloe, I knew you’d love this.” “I specially made Ethan do the challenge with me just to win this for you.” I looked down at it. The stitching on the keychain was crooked, and the price tag from the gift shop near the exit was still attached. $2.99. The actual grand prize was held tightly in her arms. Ethan avoided my eyes. “Don’t you love these little trinkets?” “Just think of it as an anniversary gift.” Our third anniversary. I waited for him for three hours, only to be told to Uber home. I fought a high fever all night, only to have him search for Vivian’s cat. I was pushed into the Antarctic Exhibit to freeze until my joints ached, only to watch him and Vivian kiss on stage. And now, he was handing me Vivian’s scraps as an anniversary gift. “What kind of challenge was it?” I asked. Vivian’s smile stiffened. “Just a little couple’s chemistry game.” She quickly covered her mouth. “I didn’t mean it like that. The host was just teasing us.” Ethan frowned. “Chloe, don’t make a scene in public.” I stared at him in disbelief. So, even asking a simple question was considered “making a scene.” I squeezed the cheap keychain, the plastic edges digging painfully into my palm. Then, I heard myself speak in a very quiet voice: “Ethan, let’s break up.” But the next second, a parade float rolled past us from behind. The music was deafening. My farewell was completely drowned out. Ethan only frowned and asked, “What did you say?” Vivian was looking up at him, fixing his collar like a rightful girlfriend. I suddenly felt everything was so utterly pointless. “Nothing.” Ethan let out a sigh of relief and turned to support Vivian. “Are you tired from earlier?” Vivian blushed and tapped him. “It’s all your fault for kissing me so long.” They walked forward side-by-side. This time, I didn’t follow. Half an hour later, Ethan sent a message. “It’s too hard to get a ride at the zoo. I’m going to drop Vivian off first.” “Get an Uber yourself.” It was that phrase again. I stared at the screen for a long time, and finally, I smiled. Five hours later, I got into a car heading to the airport. Before blocking Ethan, I sent one last text. “Ethan.” “You and her—I don’t want either of you anymore.” Ethan stayed at Vivian’s place until the following evening before he realized something was wrong. Chloe hadn’t reached out to him all day. Her phone wouldn’t go through, and Snapchat only showed a grey arrow. A sudden weight pressed down on his chest. He immediately called Chloe’s research lab. The person who answered was her peer. “Chloe?” The person paused. “Didn’t she agree to the professor’s project yesterday?” Ethan’s hand holding the phone tightened instantly. “What did you say?” “She joined the locked-in Antarctic research expedition. She won’t be back for the next three years.” 5
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