The day I was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer, I chose a grave for myself. I wanted the tombstone to read: “In my next life, I won’t be a Foster.” No more being the despised twin sister, no more biased parents and brothers. I gulped down a whole glass of paraquat and waited quietly to die in the living room. But then the cemetery office called. “Sorry, another gentleman has also purchased that plot…” “Miss Foster, we can compensate you.” “Would it be alright if we moved your plot slightly?” A string of expletives was on the tip of my tongue. But I swallowed them back down. I’d heard of people fighting over license plates and inheritances. But now even graves were being fought over! My blood boiled as I abruptly stood up from the sofa. The paraquat I had just drunk gushed out of my mouth along with fresh blood. The searing pain in my stomach left me speechless. “Miss Foster, if you don’t object, I’ll take that as your agreement?” I fucking object! Desperately suppressing the urge to vomit, I gripped the sofa armrest and said: “We signed a contract, right? Two copies.” “Yes.” The staff member’s voice sounded apologetic. “But Mr. Johnson signed with another colleague almost simultaneously, so…” “So this was your own work oversight, right?” My stomach cramped painfully. I collapsed back onto the sofa, my tone flat. “I’m sorry, but I refuse.” I was always the ignored one at home before, so everything was snatched away by my twin sister. Now that I’m about to die, I can’t even win a grave for myself? There was a hesitation on the other end. Then a deep male voice spoke up. “This grave does have special meaning for me.” “Miss Foster, name your price. I can transfer the money immediately.” The pain made my whole body tremble. I felt the paraquat ravaging my stomach, almost smiling. Then I said softly: “No amount of money will make me give it up.” “I need it urgently.” The phone was passed back to the cemetery staff. Clearly still siding with the high-paying gentleman, he tried to persuade me to give up. “Miss Foster, why don’t you reconsider?” “Mr. Johnson is very sincere. Money is not an issue.” “Look, there’s still time. You can pick another one you like, or I can give you one for free…” I cut him off directly: “What if I said I need to use it right now?” I couldn’t hold back and vomited more blood as I finished speaking. It splattered onto the sofa, a shocking sight. They were stunned into silence on the other end. I didn’t wait for their response. Just staring at the large bloodstain on the sofa, I said softly: “I’m in the middle of committing suicide. I just drank a whole bottle of paraquat. I’ll be dead soon.” “So please stop fighting me for it. I’ll need to use it shortly.” “If it really won’t work, can you ask that gentleman of yours… if he’d be willing to share a grave with me?”
Silence fell on the other end. I took the opportunity to up. After some brief consideration, I figured it would be better to be cremated and buried by this afternoon. I had specifically calculated that grave to ensure I would completely avoid the Foster family in my next life and live healthily and happily. What a great grave it was. I had to secure this treasure spot! By that calculation, I just needed to find someone to collect my body. After hesitating for a moment, I still sent a message in the family group chat. [Luffy’s Big Cream Puff: Hey everyone, I’m planning to commit suicide. Can anyone come to the old house to collect my body?] Without mentioning my cancer, I just sent this one line and tagged everyone. Within seconds, someone replied in the group. [Dad: What are you up to now?] I lowered my head and smiled bitterly. After finding someone to collect my body, I’ll leave this group chat. No need to bother them anymore. Anyway, they have another group chat. A family group without me. The cemetery called again on my phone. I answered, and that Mr. Johnson who wanted to snatch my grave spoke softly. Somehow, hearing his voice again, I actually found it a bit famimia. “Miss Foster, are you alright?” The pain spreading from my stomach to my waist caused a shrill ringing in my ears. The group was still silent, with no one responding to me. I pursed my lips and, kindly avoiding the bloody scene, took a photo of the empty paraquat bottle in the corner and posted it in the group. [Luffy’s Big Cream Puff: I really am committing suicide, not lying to you.] [Luffy’s Big Cream Puff: Someone’s fighting me for the grave plot. I have no choice but to be cremated today. It’s urgent.] [Luffy’s Big Cream Puff: Can anyone come to the old house to collect my body? I promise I’ll never appear in front of you again, okay?] Still no response. With no other option, I was about to post the hospital diagnosis. Dad and my brothers are all doctors, so they’d be able to tell if the diagnosis was real or fake. The next second, my phone vibrated. [Big Brother: OK.]
OK?! What the fuck does “OK” mean?! Did he mistake this for his work group chat or something? My finger twitched slightly. I was about to send a private message to Dad begging for help. Then I suddenly remembered that after being driven to the old house, Dad had deleted me from his SnapChat in a fit of anger. I sighed and was about to leave the group chat. Then I saw new messages pop up. [Lily: Third sister, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have suggested going out to play… We’ll come see you when we get back, okay? @Second Brother] [Second Brother: Go see her my ass. She’s just playing the victim again. How many times has she tricked us?] [Second Brother: Aria, can you not act for one day without dying?] [Second Brother: Just because we took Lily out to play without you, you have to throw a fit like a mad dog?] [Second Brother: If you want to die then hurry up and die. Stop bothering us.] My heart suddenly clenched. Although I knew my family all hated me, seeing this scene still made my heart ache unbearably. It seemed to hurt even more than the paraquat. I smiled bitterly. I took a selfie and privately sent my medical records to Samuel. “I’m not trying to bother you on purpose. I really am about to die.” There was no response from the other end. I laughed self-mockingly. You clearly knew they all abandoned you long ago. Why are you still desperately trying to get close to them? Aria, are you a masochist? Lily and I are twins, the fraternal kind. But after birth, my little sister was very frail. Thanks to her resemblance to Mom, she was extremely doted on at home. Even though the doctors said it was normal for one twin to be born weak, Mom still blamed my sister’s frailty on me, saying I stole her nutrients. So my childhood was always filled with neglect and blame. When my sister got sick, it was my fault for not taking good care of her. When my sister fell, it was my fault for not being there to catch her. Even when my sister got bad grades, it was my fault for maliciously stealing her nutrients in the womb. For so many years, I carefully tried to please my family. I wanted them to look at me, to smile at me. I wanted them to pat my head the way they did with my sister. But no matter what, they just favored the sickly Lily more. They even took my efforts as jealousy towards Lily and deliberate attention-seeking. Until the day I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, when I vomited blood at home. They anxiously took me to the hospital, only to find nothing wrong with my stomach. [You think it’s fun to trick us, don’t you! Aria, you’re absolutely ridiculous!] [Because you’re jealous of Lily, you’d even make up lies about having cancer. Aren’t you afraid of shortening your own life!] [I can’t control you anymore. Tomorrow you’re going back to live in the old house. I don’t want to hear any more of your lies!] Well, they certainly kept their word. The next day they drove me to the old house and never cared about me again. That was fine. I had no plans to go back home anyway. I wouldn’t “bully” their precious Lily anymore. I didn’t want this family either.
[Mom: Aria, how did you become like this?] [Mom: Lily is your own twin sister. How can you not accept her?] [Mom: It’s my fault for failing to raise you properly. You’re at the old house, right? I’m heading back right now.] [Samuel: Mom, don’t go back. The more anxious you are, the more pleased she’ll be.] [Samuel: If you ask me, she might as well just go jump in the sea. Even if she dies, no one will have to collect her body.] [Samuel: At least she’d be doing something good for once.] The other side hesitated for a moment. Then another message popped up. [Samuel: Sometimes I really feel like it would’ve been better if you were never born. You just mess up our family.] An agonizing pain shot through my chest. It didn’t hurt this much when I first swallowed the paraquat. I suddenly couldn’t hold back my sobs anymore, probably unable to bear this kind of pain. “Aria, where are you!” In my daze, a sudden shout came from the phone. The voice was deep and forceful. Maybe because he hadn’t heard me respond for a while, that Mr. Johnson sounded a bit agitated. “Say something!”
My consciousness snapped back in an instant. Looking at the sofa that resembled a crime scene, I took a deep breath and stood up with a bitter smile. [You can have the grave. I won’t need it after all.]
[Luffy’s Big Cream Puff has left the group chat.]
After learning I agreed to move the grave, the staff member almost immediately asked me to come to the cemetery center to sign the contract. Clutching my aching stomach, I simply set the signing location at the hospital. If I really died, at least I could be taken straight to the morgue. No need to trouble the sanitation workers if I died outside. I gave myself a mental thumbs up. As expected of a well-mannered young lady, considerate of city appearance even as a corpse. But I didn’t expect Mr. Johnson was apparently rushing from the suburbs to the hospital. We actually arrived at the hospital one after another. How did he get here so fast? The cemetery staff wiped his sweat: “As soon as he heard you were attempting suicide, Mr. Johnson drove straight to the city.” “It just happened that he was heading in the direction of the hospital.” Hearing this, I glanced at the man beside me. He was tall and thin with pale skin, looking like an upright bamboo in his trench coat. But he did seem somewhat famimia. “You just got here?” Felix looked at me a bit out of breath. “Let’s go, I’ll take you to see a doctor…” Before he could finish, a nurse called out in the hallway. “Number 244, Aria Foster, please come to the consultation room.” He looked at me in shock: “At a time like this, you still lined up to register?” I nodded blankly. “Yeah, what else?” Since I’ve already decided to die, might as well not take up medical resources. “Aria, is that really you?” A cold male voice sounded behind me. I turned to look – it was my eldest brother William, who had said earlier he was coming here for academic exc e. The youngest associate chief physician in the city. So this was the hospital he meant before. William clearly didn’t expect the person the nurse called really was me. He frowned as he walked over. His eyes held reproach and distance. I caught a glimpse of the family group chat page on his phone. Sure enough, William stood in front of me, his gaze filled with dissatisfaction. “You knew I was here for academic exc e, so you deliberately came to make trouble?” He snatched the registration slip from my hand, glanced at it and sneered. “Gastroenterology again. Wasn’t tricking us last time enough?” “Aria, family’s patience has its limits.”
The Foster family has two children, plus Dad. All three are in medicine. My eldest brother went abroad to study early on, so there’s quite an age gap between us. His attitude towards me has mostly been one of unfamimiaity and indifference. So hearing these words, I didn’t feel much. At most I found it a bit funny. I’m the one dying, what exactly are they being patient about? Felix couldn’t stand me wasting time here. He snatched the medical record and pulled me by the wrist to sit down in the consultation room. “Doctor, hurry and examine her. We can’t delay any longer!” After saying that, he glanced at the doorway. “Are irrelevant people not leaving?” William’s face darkened, clearly angered. He glanced inside the room, his tone mocking. “This act of yours can only fool Lily.” “She’s so worried she’s been crying and making a fuss for Mom and Dad to hurry back.” “The whole family can’t live in peace because of you. Are you happy now?” After speaking, he glanced at the medical record in the doctor’s hand and turned to leave. As if certain I would follow him as usual. Just then, the doctor looked at the medical record in surprise and said, “A whole bottle of paraquat? And pancreatic cancer!” “This won’t do, you need to get your stomach pumped immediately. We can’t delay!” The atmosphere in the entire consultation room became deathly still. Felix’s hands pressing on mine suddenly sank. William also stopped in his tracks at the door. He turned to look at me. His eyes held contempt and mockery, but no sympathy. “You drank paraquat on top of pancreatic cancer and you’re still alive?” “Aria, can’t you come up with less stupid lies?” “The bigger the lie, you won’t be able to back out even if you don’t die.” My pupils contracted slightly. I nodded with a bitter smile. “I get it. I’ll die right away.”
William raised his hand to press his brow. His tone was filled with extreme disgust. “I’ve been on night shifts these past few days. I’m not in the mood to play along with your act.” “Aria, can you stop causing trouble for the family?” After starting work, William became increasingly busy, often working overtime and eating irregularly. I had long gotten used to silently caring for him, obediently catering to his needs. In the past, even if he just frowned I would repeatedly ask if he was feeling unwell. Then I’d eagerly bring him medicine. But now, I’m tired. I don’t have the energy for that routine anymore. So I flatly said: “No need for you to play along. You can leave.” William was stunned for a moment, then his eyes swirled with bewilderment and confusion. Finally turning to irritation. “You think I want to come see you!” “Aria, if you have the guts then don’t come home. Never appear in front of me again.” I smiled: “Okay, I’ll keep my word.” “Keep your ass.” Inexplicably, Felix who was standing behind me suddenly swore. Then he straightened up and stood in front of me, facing William. His expression cold, gaze hostile. “Get lost!”
Felix stayed by my side while I got my stomach pumped. I had realized by now that he was my childhood arch-enemy. But he went abroad after middle school and we hadn’t seen each other since. I didn’t expect we’d meet again under these circumstances. He didn’t speak anymore, just silently watched me go in pale-faced and come out. Thanks to the cemetery letting me move my plot, I had vomited out most of the paraquat, which is why I managed to on until now. When the doctor looked at my medical record, I gestured to Felix. “Did you bring the transfer contract? I’ll sign it now.” After all, he had run around helping me. I’d feel bad not giving him the grave plot. But Felix didn’t respond, just stared at my face, his gaze profound. “Didn’t you say you needed to use it immediately? Why did you agree now?” This guy, I gave him the treasure grave, why is he still talking so much? What else is there to ask about this? I originally wanted to casually brush it off, but seeing Felix’s solemn gaze, I suddenly felt I probably couldn’t fool him. So I sighed. “My second brother said suicide by sea burial would be better, so I wouldn’t trouble anyone to collect my body.” “I thought that made sense, so…” The doctor was shocked by this bizarre conversation, almost tearing my medical record with his fingers. He looked at the personal information, paused, then suddenly said softly. “You’re only 20 years old. Don’t you want to try chemotherapy?” “If it goes well, you could extend your life by 5-10 years at least.” I waved my hand: “Nah, no need to go to that trouble. I’ve lived long enough anyway.” I took back my medical record and stood up to leave. I saw the cemetery agent still waiting outside with an odd expression. He didn’t even seem to have brought his bag. “Hey, where’s the transfer contract?” Felix’s footsteps paused. He pursed his lips and looked at me with a solemn expression. “Aria, let’s share a grave.”
My vision went dark. I’m not sure if it was from shock at Felix’s words, or low blood sugar from the stomach pumping. I stood rooted to the spot for several seconds before I reacted: “What did you say?” Felix chuckled. “You suggested it earlier, remember? Asked if I’d be willing to share a grave.” “I thought about it and think it’s not a bad idea. I don’t have any family anyway.” “When we’re buried together, I can benefit from the offerings your family brings when they visit you.” “I’ve thought it over and think this plan isn’t bad.” Raising my head, I noticed his gradually widening mouth and dazed expression. Felix couldn’t help but laugh: “I won’t freeload. I’ll help collect your body, how about that?” I took a step back. Placing my hand over my fluttering heart. You know what, I was actually a bit tempted. “But I’m afraid you’ll be disappointed. My family won’t come burn incense for me.” “You saw earlier, they probably won’t even come see me once.” “That’s alright,” Felix shrugged. “At least we’ll have company. We can chat down there in the future.” As he spoke, he gradually bent down and leaned close to me. The expression on his face was completely different from William’s. An almost devoted seriousness. “If you have other candidates, you can also…” “Deal!” I chose the most beautiful moonlit beach in the city. There were even some bioluminescent algae by the sea, absolutely gorgeous.
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