On the day I was seven months pregnant, James Sullivan proposed to his first love. That woman took off the ring James had personally put on her finger and threw it into the sea. “James, I heard Miss Carter used to be a state swimming champion. Why don’t you let her jump in and fetch the ring for me?” she said, her finger tracing James’s chest muscles as she whispered in his ear, “I’ll do anything you want tonight.” James’s heated gaze roamed over her legs before turning to me with a smirk. I saw his intention and frantically clutched my belly, pleading, “James, I’m seven months pregnant, and it’s winter…” But James just swallowed hard and sneered, “You don’t really think I want that bastard child, do you? It’s not like you haven’t miscarried before. Stop being so dramatic. Jump in and get the ring back, or you’ll never come up again!” He had someone forcibly lift me and throw me into the sea. I bobbed up and down in the icy water, searching for hours. Until I felt something slip out of my belly, until the azure sea was stained with a patch of blood… I looked up at the scene on the yacht where James and his first love were holding their wedding ceremony amidst the crowd’s cheers, and my heart finally broke. Seven years of marriage, nine miscarriages, this was the last time. When I woke up again, I found myself in the hospital. I felt my now flat and empty belly, staring blankly at the stark white ceiling of the ward. My mind was still replaying the scene of being engulfed by the cold seawater. Then I heard James’s impatient voice: “Awake? Then stop playing dumb. It’s just a miscarriage, what’s there to be so delicate about?” I turned my trembling gaze towards the sound, only to see James still holding Sophia Reed’s waist, their bodies pressed tightly together. On Sophia’s finger gleamed the jade ring that symbolized the Sullivan family’s daughter-in-law status. This was also the ring I had risked my life to retrieve from the sea for her, time and time again. I pulled my lips into a bitter smile. This was my ninth miscarriage. During my previous pregnancy, the doctor had told me that due to the earlier miscarriages, my uterus had been severely damaged. So this time, I was extra careful, doing prenatal exercises every day without fail, drinking bitter Chinese medicine to nourish my body. Even though the hospital had deemed it a high-risk pregnancy, I was still desperately trying to give birth to this last child with James. But now, because of one casual remark from Sophia, this child was gone. I still remember when I was pulled out of the sea for the last time by their cable, I was clutching that jade ring tightly, my belly hurting as if a thousand knives were twisting inside, the surrounding seawater gradually spreading with a salty, bloody color. “James, I found it, look…” “Please, save me, save our child…” There was a doctor on board the yacht. If only they had called for help, perhaps my child would still have had a glimmer of hope. But what I faced was James’s impatient face. He clicked his tongue, snatched the jade ring from my hand, and put it back on Sophia’s finger. “Can’t you see I’m busy? Today is my wedding with Sophia, who has time to care about you?” James and I were legally married. His marriage certificate and the Sullivan family records all bore my name. But everyone knew that I, this ‘Mrs. Sullivan’, was just a pathetic joke. So, after Sophia returned from abroad, James bought her millions of roses in front of everyone, creating a romantic sea of flowers on a yacht, proposing to her and holding a fake but grand wedding to make her happy. Before this, he had me brought onto the yacht to witness their happiest moment firsthand. Staring at the ring on Sophia’s hand, my eyes stung, and I barely managed to hold back my tears. The cries of those unborn children seemed to still echo in my ears. Accusingly and resentfully blaming me, their useless mother. I clenched my jaw tightly until the taste of blood spread in my mouth. At this moment, Sophia twirled the ring and said softly, “James, I heard this ring is only for the Sullivan family’s daughter-in-law to wear.” “After all, Miss Carter is your lawfully wedded wife. Isn’t it inappropriate for you to give it to me just like that?” James interlaced his fingers with hers, holding her hand and placing a light kiss on the ring: “This ring was always meant for you. As for her…” His sidelong glance fell on me: “Do you think she has the fortune and qualifications?” After seven years of marriage, I had never gained the approval of the Sullivan family or James. Let alone dreaming about this ring. I closed my eyes, then heard Sophia giggle: “You’re right. She didn’t qualify before, let alone now. After all, the Sullivan family doesn’t need a barren woman.” She affectionately wrapped her arms around James’s neck, then blinked her big watery eyes and pouted. “James, don’t worry. I’ll make up for all the children she lost. I’ll give you as many as you want…” James’s satisfied laughter immediately echoed through the ward, falling on my ears like countless needles pricking painfully. I finally couldn’t bear it anymore and said to them: “Have you said enough?” “I just had a miscarriage. I need to rest now. Can you please leave?” The next moment, James frowned in displeasure, snorting with full sarcasm. “What are you pretending for? You weren’t this dramatic with your previous miscarriages. Don’t tell me you’re trying to use this to attract attention?” My first miscarriage was because James dragged me to a business dinner to help him entertain clients. At that time, I was nearly six months pregnant and was forced to drink glass after glass of water disguised as alcohol. Despite this, when I miscarried in the hospital the next day, I heard that Sullivan Group’s project had hit a snag. I still stood outside the partner company’s building in 110-degree heat, fainting from heatstroke, to help him secure the contract. The second miscarriage happened when he came home drunk. I rushed to get him a hot towel and hangover soup, but James, in a moment of impatience, grabbed my wrist and forcefully threw me down the stairs. My belly hit the corner, and the scalding soup spilled all over me. At that time, I was nine months pregnant, just about two weeks from my due date. After resting in the hospital for a few days, I saw news of James having a car accident while on a business trip out of town. Seeing photos of him with his arm wrapped in layers of bandages, I immediately checked myself out of the hospital and rushed to the accident site to be by his side. But now, everything I had desperately done for him in the past had become his reason for telling me not to be so dramatic. Seeing me sitting silently on the hospital bed with reddened eyes, James finally lost patience. He stepped forward and roughly grabbed my wrist, violently pulling me onto the floor. “Still pretending? Sophia will be living with us from now on. Go home and clean up the room, give your room to her!” “She’s not used to the food made by the housekeeper. From now on, before she wakes up or comes home, you prepare the meals in advance…” I finally looked up, staring blankly at James’s face contorted with disgust. I didn’t cry or make a scene. Instead, I looked at him and pulled my cracked, bleeding lips into a smile. “James Sullivan, are you satisfied with how I look now?” Seven years ago, I was on the state swimming team with James’s sister, Emma Sullivan. We became best friends, and Emma even introduced me to her brother, James. During that time, the three of us went on adventure trips together. Even the day before Emma’s accident, James had blushed and placed a light kiss on my forehead. Everything was going well, but an accident pushed the fate of us three into an abyss. That night, Emma and I were coming back from swim practice when we encountered a group of thugs at the dark alley entrance. In the critical moment, Emma threw herself at the group, screaming for me to run. I was scared stiff at the time and instinctively lifted my feet, running out of the alley without looking back to find help. But when I returned with people, I only saw Emma lying in a pool of blood, her clothes in disarray… I still remember, in the funeral home where we said our final goodbyes, James, with bloodshot eyes, dragged me to the courthouse to get married. Ignoring my cries and pleas, he took me forcefully in the place where Emma was killed, which was like a nightmare to me. “Lily Carter, this is just the beginning…” “I’m trapping your soul here, in the Sullivan family, to atone for my sister for the rest of your life!” From that moment on, I seemed to be stuck in a nightmare I could never wake up from. Trapping myself in that long, dark alley, constantly getting pregnant and miscarrying, torturing myself to the point of madness in this way. But now, I’m tired. Even if it means death, I don’t want to continue anymore. Dr. Hannah Moore from the obstetrics department was my good friend. Seeing me admitted to the hospital again after another miscarriage, looking as pale and frail as a sheet of paper, she sighed. “Lily, this is your ninth miscarriage.” “You should know how much damage pregnancy and miscarriage do to a woman’s body. You won’t be able to have children anymore.” I forced a smile through heavy eyelids. “That’s fine. I don’t… want to have children anymore anyway.” Hannah seemed to want to say something but held back, finally offering some words of comfort: “How long are you going to torture yourself? What happened wasn’t your fault at all. If Emma were alive, she wouldn’t want to see you destroy yourself like this!” At the mention of Emma, I clenched my fists tightly, then took a deep breath. “You’re right. So I’ve decided to be selfish for once and let myself go.” On the way back to the Sullivan house from the hospital, I received a call from James, ordering me to get to the family mansion right away. The time on my phone showed it was the anniversary of Emma’s death. I knew the Sullivan family’s annual program targeting me was about to begin. Since Emma’s accident, not only did James hate me, but the Sullivan family naturally wouldn’t let me off either. The first year, Mrs. Sullivan whipped me until I was covered in cuts and bruises in front of her daughter’s memorial tablet. The second year, they forced me to crawl on my knees from the alley where Emma died all the way to her gravestone. … Now, I had been wallowing in this pain for seven years. As soon as I stepped over the threshold of the Sullivan house, Mrs. Sullivan ordered the housekeeper to hold me down and forcibly strip off my clothes. I tried to struggle against the weakness and pain from the recent miscarriage, but before I could, a bucket of black dog blood was poured over me from head to toe. Mrs. Sullivan held a whip, sneering at me: “Lily Carter, married for seven years, nine miscarriages, and you still say you’re not a jinx? How unlucky can our Sullivan family be to have someone like you? You caused the death of my precious daughter, the death of your parents, and now you can’t even keep your own children alive!” Seeing her mention my parents, a flash of pain finally crossed my numb, deadened eyes. My parents died in a car accident on the way to take me to the hospital during my fifth miscarriage. That day was Mrs. Sullivan’s birthday banquet. My parents, who didn’t know how to drive, knelt on the ground in front of all the guests, begging James to send someone to take me to the hospital. But the response they got was James coldly kicking them away, denying any relationship with me. Now, no matter how much abuse and humiliation fell on my ears, it all turned into a cold numbness. I laughed softly, raising my head to stare at Emma’s black and white photograph. She was still young and vibrant, but I seemed to see a trace of sorrow and heartache in her smile. If Emma were still alive, she wouldn’t want to see me become like this, would she? So… I turned to James in a daze, finally speaking hoarsely: “If that’s the case, James Sullivan, let’s get a divorce.” Hearing this, Mrs. Sullivan fell into an awkward silence. Sophia’s eyes flashed with excitement as she turned joyfully towards James. But James stared at me intently, and after a moment, he suddenly snorted mockingly and kicked me hard. My body slammed heavily into the table behind me, and my already pale face twisted in pain. Just as I tried to get up from the ground, James suddenly grabbed my neck. His eyes were bloodshot, like an enraged beast, gritting his teeth with hatred and murderous intent: “Lily Carter, how dare you?” He pointed at Emma’s memorial tablet with his other hand, shouting hoarsely: “Look at Emma’s photo! Think about the crime you committed. What right do you have to ask me for a divorce?” Then he leaned close to my ear, laughing coldly in a breathy voice: “I told you before, from the moment you caused Emma’s death, your life no longer belongs to you. Did you think I married you because I loved you?” Meeting my trembling, panicked gaze, he grinned viciously, his fingers touching my face: “It was to torture you better, to make you atone to Emma!” Perhaps the mention of divorce truly angered James. That day, his punishment for me was more severe than ever before. He had people bring in nine glass jars containing the blood and flesh of our unborn children. Some of the children had already taken shape, while others were just small lumps of flesh with indistinguishable limbs. But even though they were dead, their biological father was unwilling to let them go, keeping them pickled in jars of blood. Looking at those children, my body began to shake violently, and I clutched James’s pant leg tightly. “James, no, they’re your children too…” “Please, let them rest in peace. For the sake that they’re your flesh and blood…” But James just laughed coldly, squeezing my neck hard and speaking ominously: “Rest in peace?” “When my sister died, her eyes weren’t even closed. What right do you have to talk about resting in peace?” Then he turned his head and barked an order: “Go, bring me the ashes of those two old folks as well!” Realizing what he was about to do, I covered my ears and screamed: “No, please, don’t…” But James still dug out my parents’ ashes and shattered them in front of me. He forcibly pressed my head down, slamming it again and again into my parents’ ashes, making me kowtow to Emma’s memorial tablet. “Remember this, seven years of marriage, two lives, nine children…” “Now there’s only you left. When you die, we can finally settle our debt!” Due to the massive shock and bone-deep pain, I coughed up blood and fainted on the spot. When I woke up again, I found myself back in the hospital. As soon as I opened my eyes, I heard James roaring furiously outside: “What are you all good for?”
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