A Moment of Smoke and Ashes

My father had a stroke abroad, dying. My boyfriend Liam, who was supposed to be with him, was unreachable. Dad’s last wish was to see me settled. I called Liam again and again until someone answered—cheers and toasts in the background: “To a long, happy life!” He’d married his childhood sweetheart, Anna, to fulfill her mother’s birthday wish. I begged him to come, just to stand with me once, for my father’s sake. Liam’s voice was cold, impatient. “Nina, are you faking your father’s death just to pressure me into marriage?” “Anna’s mother is sixty today. The living come first. Don’t ruin this.” I hung up, took my father’s hand. “Dad,” I whispered, choked, “I’ll do as you said. I’ll go abroad, marry Daniel.” A faint smile touched his lips. “You always said you had a boyfriend… I waited, but never saw him.” “Daniel is loyal, capable. With him, I can rest… and face your mother.” I nodded, tears falling. “I promise.” Liam was my father’s protégé, a student he had sponsored since he was a boy. We had been together for six years, a secret we kept from the world. Liam claimed that his humble, rural background would make people think he was just riding my coattails, that his achievements weren’t his own. This business trip was for a major academic conference. My father hadn’t been well and could have skipped it, but he insisted on going. He was nearing retirement, and he wanted to personally introduce Liam to the titans of their field, to open doors for his future. Before they left, Liam promised me he would take good care of my father, that he would bring him back safe and sound. But my father couldn’t be saved. The doctors said if he had been brought in sooner, his chances would have been excellent. When he collapsed, Liam, who was supposed to be sharing his room, was nowhere to be found. It was a housekeeper who finally discovered him. I went through the motions of arranging the funeral, my heart a hollow, numb cavern. At the memorial, all of my father’s colleagues and students in the country came to pay their last respects. Everyone except Liam. I overheard some of the junior researchers whispering. “Why isn’t Liam here? Wasn’t he at the conference with the professor?” “Professor Davies was so good to him. No matter how busy he is, he should be here.” “Oh, I know what happened,” one of them said, pulling out his phone. “Looks like he went home to get married. Check this out…” He showed them his social media feed. Just moments ago, Liam had posted a nine-photo collage of wedding pictures with his old flame, Anna, including a shot of their marriage certificate. I pulled out my own phone. His feed was blank. He’d blocked me. Our last chat was still open, my desperate pleas for him to come home frozen on the screen. I couldn’t lie to myself any longer. Six years of my life, and I had lost everything. It had been three days, and he hadn’t returned a single call or sent a single text. Of course not. He was finally married to the woman he’d never gotten over. Why would he spare a thought for me, the insignificant placeholder? Carrying the funeral portrait of my father into our empty home, it finally hit me. I had no one left in the world. The grief was a tidal wave, and I collapsed, sobbing. My father had made me promise to fly out to Daniel in ten days. To put his mind at ease, I had booked the ticket right there in front of him. I had a week left. This city was haunted by memories of Liam. I needed a new start. The next day, when I went to my father’s office to clear out his things, I finally saw him. Liam was beaming, handing out candy to the other researchers in the department. Everyone else, likely trying to spare my feelings, avoided mentioning my father. Liam, oblivious, just offered me a piece with a guilty smile. “What’s this, wedding candy?” I asked, my voice flat. “Sorry. I don’t eat sugar.” He followed me into my father’s office, speaking as if nothing had happened. “Why isn’t the professor in today? He could have at least told me he was leaving without me. I waited for him for two extra days!” The mention of my father was a fresh stab of pain. This man, who was responsible for his death, who had been off celebrating with Anna, dared to blame my father for leaving him behind. “Shut up, Liam,” I snapped. “How dare you even say his name? You knew he wasn’t well, and you left him alone!” “Don’t you understand? If it weren’t for you, he wouldn’t have gone on that trip. He wouldn’t have collapsed with no one there to help him. He would still be alive!” Liam’s face darkened. “That’s enough! I can’t believe you’ve stooped to lying just to pressure me into marriage. Nina, you’ve become disgusting.” “Can you stop being so dramatic? Your father is a grown man. Am I obligated to be his 24/7 babysitter? It’s not like he’s never traveled alone before. What is wrong with you?” Even now, he was full of excuses. My father had treated him like a son. When his family was facing financial ruin and wanted him to drop out of school, my father had paid for his education all the way through his master’s degree. Liam used to joke that he would care for my father in his old age, like a real son. But to please Anna’s mother, he had ignored my father’s desperate calls for help. I had seen the call log on Dad’s phone. Ten missed calls to Liam, right when he collapsed. Not one was answered. “I wish I had never met you,” I whispered. Then my father wouldn’t have worked himself to the bone for him, and he wouldn’t have died with the regret of never seeing me married. Seeing the raw grief on my face, a flicker of guilt crossed Liam’s eyes. His voice softened. “Nina, I know it was wrong of me not to come back with him. But you don’t have to blow this out of proportion and use it to erase the six years we had together.” “Tell you what,” he offered. “I’ll go over to his house tonight, have a few drinks with him, and apologize in person. How about that?” Before the words were even out of his mouth, his phone rang. He glanced at me and stepped away to answer. A sweet, delicate voice drifted from the receiver. “Liam, honey, I just burned my hand cooking. It hurts so much…” Instantly, a look of panic washed over Liam’s face. “Okay, baby, turn off the stove and just wait for me in the living room. I’m on my way.” He rushed off without another word to me. The promise to apologize to my father was forgotten in an instant. When I arrived at my apartment, the one I had bought after graduation so we could be closer, I found Anna on a stepladder, taping a large, red “Double Happiness” character—a traditional wedding decoration—to the door. She saw me and a triumphant smirk played on her lips. She deliberately smoothed out the garish symbol. “You must be Nina. Liam’s told me about you. Thanks for taking care of him all these years.” “Oh,” she added, gesturing towards the curb. “By the way, I cleaned out some of your old stuff. See if there’s anything you still want.” I followed her gaze. All of my belongings were piled next to the trash cans. Our matching mugs, our toothbrushes, my clothes, the throw pillows from the sofa… “Anna, who are you talking to?” Liam poked his head out of the door, an apron tied around his waist. When he saw me, his expression shifted rapidly. He gave a weak, awkward laugh. “Anna couldn’t find a place yet, so she’s just staying here for a little while. Don’t get the wrong idea.” I couldn’t believe his audacity. He brought her into my home. “You tell me not to get the wrong idea while you’re married to her? Liam, what am I to you?” My heart felt like it was being beaten with a dull hammer, a slow, aching throb. He hesitated, glancing quickly at Anna. “It was just to make her mom happy. It was her only wish for her sixtieth birthday. I couldn’t exactly say no…” So you could crush my father’s dying wish and trample all over my heart instead? The thought plunged me into an icy sea. “Liam, have you ever considered what this makes me? A homewrecker. The other woman. How am I supposed to live with that?” Anna, who had been standing silently by, stepped forward and tugged on my sleeve, her eyes wide and pitiful. “Nina, I never wanted to compete with you for anything.” “We really only did it to make my mom happy. We’ll find a way to clear things up later.” “I’m so sorry! Please, don’t be angry with Liam.” Her face was pale, but behind the damsel-in-distress act, her eyes glinted with a possessive, triumphant light. I yanked my arm away. “Don’t bother with the theatrics. Your emotional blackmail won’t work on me.” Tears suddenly welled in her eyes. She looked down, as if deeply hurt. “Nina, are you blaming me?” “How could you say that? Weren’t you the one who used your father to emotionally blackmail Liam into dating you in the first place?” she whispered, leaning in so only I could hear. “Who are you trying to fool with this holier-than-thou act?” You can trash my feelings, but you will not slander my father. SLAP! My body moved before my mind could catch up. I slapped her across the face. Liam lunged forward, shielding Anna and shoving me back with brutal force. “Nina, what the hell are you doing?” “If you have a problem, take it up with me! Anna is innocent! She was just trying to be a good daughter.” “Liam, you’re the ungrateful one!” I screamed, my voice raw. “My father was so good to you, and you didn’t even care if he lived or died!” A crack appeared in Liam’s composure. He seemed to waver for a second. Anna, however, stepped forward to defend him. “Nina, why do you keep bringing up ancient history? Besides, your father only sponsored Liam because he saw his potential. Even without your father, Liam would have been successful.” “You knew he loved someone else, but you forced yourself on him, trying to use your father’s kindness to trap him with guilt. How is that any better?” When Liam’s family was poor, when his parents wanted him to quit school and work in a factory, my father had been the one to step in. I remember Liam on his knees, thanking my father, promising to repay his kindness for the rest of his life. “Is that how you see it, too?” I asked, staring at Liam. He turned his head away, his silence a confession. I didn’t want to waste another second on this disgusting pair. It would only make me more of a joke. But they weren’t done with me. “Nina,” Anna said, her voice syrupy sweet. “Regardless of anything else, Liam and I are married now. It’s probably not appropriate for you to keep living here…” I pointed a shaking finger at Liam, who was still looking at the ground. “Didn’t he tell you? I own this apartment. I should be calling the police on you for trespassing, and you have the nerve to try and kick me out?” “Get out,” I snarled. “Both of you, get out!” Liam glanced at Anna’s shocked face, then tried to placate me. “Nina, you don’t have to be so aggressive. Anna is just staying for a little while. She’ll move out as soon as she finds a place.” “You two are certainly good at playing the victim while you squat in my home,” I shot back. “Well, I’m not having it. Get out. Now!” His face flushed with humiliation. “Nina, does your father know you act like this? Maybe I should have a word with him tomorrow and set him straight.” “Good idea,” I said, my voice dripping with venom. “Why don’t you run headfirst into a wall right now? Maybe you’ll catch up to him in the afterlife!” He exploded. “You’re unbelievable, Nina! People who curse their own father deserve to go to hell!” Anna pretended to intervene. “Nina, don’t fight with Liam. It’s all my fault. I never should have come back…” I tried to pull my arm away from her grip, and she stumbled backward, tumbling down the short flight of steps and passing out. Liam rushed to her side, scooping her up into his arms. Before he left, he shot me a look of pure hatred. “Nina, if anything happens to Anna, I will never forgive you.” Six years of a secret love, and all I got was “I will never forgive you.” How pathetic. I went inside, and the scene that greeted me was almost unrecognizable. A giant wedding portrait of Liam and Anna hung on the wall behind the sofa. The closet was full of Anna’s clothes. The bedroom was a disaster zone, with a torn pair of black stockings and a maid’s costume hanging off the bedpost. An open box of condoms on the nightstand was half-empty. A wave of nausea washed over me. I ran outside and called a moving company that very night, telling them to throw out every single piece of furniture in the apartment. I didn’t see Liam for the next few days, but I heard plenty about him from the junior researchers. “The annual academic symposium is coming up. Liam must be really confident this year. He’s been taking his new wife on vacation all week. Look at these pictures…” I glanced at the social media post he’d blocked me from seeing. The places they were visiting… they were from the itinerary I had planned. The route was identical to the one in the detailed honeymoon guide I had spent months creating for us. That evening, Liam called me. “Nina, I can’t get ahold of the professor. He was supposed to give me that research paper he was working on. Can you get it for me?” “In your dreams, Liam. That’s my father’s work. Why would I give it to you?” I hung up before he could reply.

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