In the delivery room, my husband Jack was grinning as he held our daughter. “Emma, you’re awake. This is our little girl.” Looking at our daughter in the swaddle, I clenched my fists, my whole body trembling. I knew that when my daughter grew up, she would kill me. This was my third reincarnation. In my previous two lives, I had died at my daughter’s hands. My daughter was born evil, an ungrateful wolf that could never be tamed. I raised my hand high. “Emma, what are you doing?” My husband looked at me in horror. “Slap!” I struck my husband across the face. A father who didn’t care about his daughter’s upbringing at all. In my previous two lives, I had always reflected on my own parenting issues. This life, I finally understood. A child isn’t raised by just one person. Even if I were to be killed by my daughter again, I would drag my husband down with me. 0 I believe some people are born bad, but my daughter wasn’t one of them. When I breastfed Lily, she was always hungry. Although she had no teeth, her little mouth was always strong, bringing tears to my eyes every time she fed. Once, when I couldn’t bear the pain anymore, I gently told her, “Mommy hurts, please eat more gently.” Lily, tiny and soft in my arms, seemed to understand. She slowed down her feeding. From then on, whenever I breastfed her, she was always gentle and never hurt me again. When Lily was two, we weren’t well off, but I would occasionally buy her small cakes. Every time, Lily would smile, take the little cake, and toddle over to me, insisting I take the first bite. Most of the time, I couldn’t bear to eat it. Once, I experimentally took a big bite, and Lily didn’t get upset at all. She happily ate the rest of the cake. At that time, I thought I had given birth to an angel. But I don’t know when it started, Lily’s personality became increasingly difficult. When I wouldn’t let her eat ice cream, she would complain to her dad and grandmother, saying I pinched her, hit her, and didn’t feed her. At the time, I thought she just couldn’t distinguish between fantasy and reality. But after that, whenever I was slightly unkind to her, she would tell everyone that I, her mother, was abusing her. At preschool, she fought with her best friend Rachel over a toy. When the teacher just scolded her a bit, she started spreading rumors that the teacher had molested her. I don’t know where she learned that word. Luckily, all the teachers at the preschool were women, otherwise it would have been hard to clear up. When I exposed her lie, she cried and said she wanted to kill Rachel and the teacher. Later, she saw other kids playing the piano and said she wanted to play too. I said the piano was too expensive, that mommy couldn’t afford it. But she cried and begged, and I couldn’t resist her persistence, so I still bought her one. But after buying it, she only played a few times and then refused to play anymore. I tried to persuade her nicely a few times, but it didn’t work. Then one day when I came home from work, the piano was smashed. Not just the piano, the whole house was turned upside down. I thought a thief had broken in and called the police. After the police investigation, they found that no one had come to our house. It was all Lily’s doing, just so she wouldn’t have to play the piano. After discovering this, I wanted to punish Lily, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. After scolding her a bit, Lily went on a hunger strike in protest. My heart softened, and I coaxed Lily into eating. From then on, Lily became increasingly out of control. Starting in middle school, she often skipped classes. I only found out when her teachers called me. She was addicted to video games and barely communicated with anyone around her. If I criticized her a bit, she would curse at me, showing no respect at all. Regarding Lily’s education, both my husband and mother-in-law blamed me, saying I had spoiled her. I realized myself that the indulgence from her childhood had made Lily uncontrollable. But now it was too late, and she wouldn’t listen to me anymore when I tried to discipline her. If my tone was even slightly off when I spoke to her, she would hold a knife to her own throat, saying she had depression and wanted to kill herself. I was scared out of my wits and quickly tried to comfort her. To prevent her from committing suicide, I gave in to whatever she wanted. My husband wanted to send Lily to a school that specialized in troubled kids. I cried and begged him not to, saying they really abused children there, and if Lily really became depressed, we would regret it too late. But Lily found out about this and stole money to run away from home. Chapter
Lily was gone, and my heart was breaking. I cried every day. The next time I saw Lily, her belly was already big, and she was followed by a punk with dyed hair. My husband was so angry he smashed the table. I sat beside him, crying non-stop. I tried to take her to get an abortion, but she shook me off: “You don’t love me. Can’t I have a child to love me?” I had worried myself sick for her all these years. How could she say I didn’t love her? She grabbed a fruit knife from the kitchen and pointed it at me. “If you try to stop me again, I’ll kill you all.” Lily took two thousand dollars and left without looking back. My husband was smoking on the balcony and said to me: “How did you raise our daughter? How did she turn out like this?” I was also blaming myself. How did the sweet little girl from her childhood turn into this? Before Lily got too far, I chased after her. Lily and the punk were waiting for a cab outside. I grabbed Lily and tried to drag her home. This time, I wouldn’t let her leave no matter what. But I didn’t expect Lily to have grown so strong. Even with all my strength, I couldn’t pull her, and she pushed me to the ground instead. I had been working in a factory for years and had an old back injury. This fall aggravated it, and I grimaced in pain. Seeing my pained expression, Lily said, “Keep acting. Go on.” Lily looked at me coldly, like a stranger. “Lily, come home with mom. Listen to me, you can’t have this baby. It will ruin your life.” “My life is already ruined. You’re only realizing this now?” I cried and said, “I’m sorry, Lily. I’ve missed you so much while you were gone. Please come back with me.” Lily shouted and covered my mouth with her hand. “Shut up! Don’t cry! You’re just trying to make me feel guilty.” “Why should I go back with you? So you can kill my baby?” Before I could say anything, a sharp knife plunged into my heart. I looked down and saw blood gushing from my chest. Lily was holding the fruit knife she had taken from our home. Lily said coldly, “I won’t let you kill my child.” “I won’t be like you, treating my own child badly.” That was the last thing I heard. Soon, I lost consciousness. When I woke up again, I was back in the hospital. Time had rewound to when I had just given birth to Lily. My husband was showing me the swaddled infant. I hadn’t yet woken from the nightmare of my previous life. The knife entering my body was so cold and painful. The one who plunged the knife into my heart was the daughter I had raised for so many years. My heart went cold, as cold as the knife tip that pierced it. I didn’t understand why. Even if you raised a dog for eighteen years, it would become attached to you. Why was Lily always so cold, like a stone that could never be warmed? Her words still echoed in my ears: “I won’t be like you, treating my own child badly.” Hadn’t I been good enough to her? We didn’t have much money, but everything good was hers. When she said she wanted strawberries, even if it was freezing outside, I would go from store to store looking. Even if I only had a few dollars left, I would buy the best for her. When Lily was little, she was always afraid of monsters and didn’t dare sleep alone. I always slept with her, even if it meant I couldn’t sleep well myself. From small things like toys and snacks to big things like a piano or trips to the amusement park or vacations, as long as she asked for it, I would make it happen. Wasn’t that good enough? Maybe it was too good. It made her think she was the center of the world, that everyone should revolve around her, that she could take my love for granted. This life would be different. I was prepared to discipline her strictly. Chapter
In my previous life, Lily didn’t like to eat, and the whole family would follow her around trying to feed her. This life, she doesn’t want to eat? Fine. I dumped out all the food in her bowl right in front of her. Eat it or don’t. If you don’t eat, you’ll go hungry. Lily cried and said, “Grandma, mommy won’t give me food and she hit me.” Lily was lying again. I asked her quietly, “Lily, how did mommy hit you just now?” Lily put her little hand to her face to show me: “Like this.” “Oh, really?” I raised my hand and slapped Lily’s face hard. A red mark immediately appeared on Lily’s cheek. I said sternly, “This is hitting.” Lily started crying loudly. I shouted, “Is this how I hit you earlier?” “Tell grandma, did mommy hit you like this before?” Lily shook her head, crying, “No.” “No? Then why did you say mommy hit you like this? Why are you lying?” Lily cried without saying anything. My mother-in-law came over to stop me: “What are you doing? She’s just a child.” “I know she’s young. That’s why I’m helping her understand what ‘hitting’ really means, so she doesn’t go around saying it carelessly in the future.” My mother-in-law crouched down and wiped Lily’s tears with the back of her hand. “It’s all mommy’s fault. Mommy is bad. Lily, don’t cry, okay?” Hearing this, I got angry. It was the same in my previous life. My mother-in-law was always telling the child “It’s all mommy’s fault” and “Mommy is wrong.” When I tried to discipline the child, they all accused me of being too harsh. But when Lily really went bad, they jumped out to say I had spoiled her. I tried to control my anger and said, “Mom, from now on, don’t interfere when I’m parenting. Otherwise, if the child turns bad in the future, it will be your fault.” My mother-in-law said sarcastically, “You’re like a loaded gun every day. Lily is so good, how could she possibly turn bad?” “You’re so fierce, aren’t you afraid the child will pull out your oxygen tube when you’re old?” I laughed. She would kill me long before I needed an oxygen tube. After this incident, I sent my mother-in-law back to her hometown. If I let her continue to spoil Lily, she would end up on the same path as before. I quit my job to focus on teaching Lily at home. I bought a ruler, and whenever I was sure Lily was lying, I would hit her palm with it. After a few times, her lying improved a lot. The way she looked at me was often full of fear and trepidation. Whenever I was about to soften, I would think of the knife plunging into my chest in my previous life. But I didn’t know then that she was just scared, not changed. When her preschool teacher criticized her, she still made up stories about the teacher molesting her. I took her to the preschool and made her stand in front of all the teachers to point out which one had touched her. She was scared and cried, admitting she had lied. She smashed the piano at home again. I gritted my teeth and bought another one. Every day I stood behind her with a stick, supervising her practice. She had to practice for two hours a day. Since we agreed she would learn, even if she didn’t want to, she had to practice. Lily wasn’t a very smart child. I attended extra classes with her and checked her homework every day. Under my strict discipline, her grades improved a lot compared to my previous life. I finally managed to get her into a good high school, but then she started saying she was depressed. She said she didn’t want to go to school and held a knife to her throat, threatening suicide. In my previous life, every time she did this, I would practically get on my knees begging her. This life, hah. “You want to die? Go ahead, just don’t get blood on me.” Lily was stunned. She hadn’t expected this reaction from me. She put down the knife sheepishly. She didn’t really want to die. It was just a tactic to threaten me. “You don’t want to go to school? Fine, then don’t. Tomorrow I’ll withdraw you from school, and you can go get a job to support yourself.” Lily left. Two months later, she came back on her own, carrying her bag. Working was too hard. She wanted to go back to school. After this episode, Lily’s attitude towards studying finally improved a bit. Unfortunately, she didn’t do well on the SAT and only got into a second-tier college. Although it wasn’t a great school, I was still satisfied. Compared to her middle school education in the previous life, my efforts this time had finally shown some results. But after starting college, she completely reverted to her old ways. In her first year, she failed nine out of fifteen major courses. I called her, but she stopped answering my calls. One month, two months, three months passed with no news. I was so angry I cut off her living expenses. The next time I saw her, she was standing in front of me and my husband with a big belly again.
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