The day I was diagnosed with a terminal illness, my wife Emily was at the hospital taking care of her first love. The woman I had cherished for ten years was now cooking and caring for another man. She was even willing to risk her career to have his child. On the day she asked for a divorce, she questioned if I was afraid of dying a miserable death. I calmly replied, “Then let me die a miserable death.” What she didn’t know was that I was already dying. The day after Ryan Thompson returned to the country, the news reported that my wife Emily had suddenly left the international stage and rushed to the hospital. I sat on the couch, clutching a medical diagnosis report in my hand. I had originally planned to tell Emily about my condition today. But I never expected Ryan to come back. Emily’s decade-long obsession finally had an outlet. With one last hope, I dialed her number. But I couldn’t get through. After the long busy signal, the call was disconnected. I didn’t give up and kept calling. Twice… three times… five times… Finally, on the seventh try, the call connected. “Jack! Why don’t you just put a tracker on me! Please, give me some space, will you?” “You’re like a leech stuck to me every day. Don’t you have your own life?” “Stop calling me. I’ll contact you later.” Emily’s voice on the other end was anxious but quiet. The surroundings seemed silent. She must have already arrived at the hospital. “Can you come home for a moment? I have something important to tell you.” As soon as those words left my mouth, I regretted them. Sure enough, Emily’s patience on the other end had reached its limit. “Ryan is in the hospital. He just got back and doesn’t know anyone here. Can you stop causing trouble? Can’t whatever you have to say wait?” As soon as she finished speaking, a nurse could be heard calling out on the other end. “Is Ryan Thompson’s family here?” “Yes, I’m coming right away.” Then, the mechanical tone of the call being hung up sounded. The phone slipped from my palm as I leaned back on the couch, powerless. Tears gradually blurred my vision. In five years of marriage, she had never shown such anxious emotions for me. My devotion had become a huge joke. She watched me like an indifferent bystander, trapped in the dream I had woven, unwilling to wake up. I was wrong. I thought if I just stayed by her side… Her heart would eventually settle. I took a photo of the medical report lying next to me and sent it to her. “Emily, I’ve been diagnosed with a terminal illness. Can you come back and stay with me?” She quickly replied. “Jack, when will you ever stop? How can you be so selfish at a time like this? Ryan and I are just good friends now. He’s in the hospital with a stomach ulcer and needs someone with him. We were classmates after all, don’t you have any compassion?” Her words were full of impatience, making me seem petty. At the same time, a text from my doctor popped up. “If you choose conservative treatment, you can have family members accompany you for hospital admission in these last two months.” Family members? She seems more like Ryan’s family now. I collected myself and replied: “Thank you doctor, but there’s no point. I won’t be seeking treatment.” It was a double entendre, also telling myself. Everything I had done for her was meaningless now too. We had known each other for ten years and been married for five. These last two months would belong only to me. Suddenly, an intense wave of pain washed over me like a tide. The uncontrollable pain engulfed all my thoughts, making each breath feel like a blade piercing my brain. With difficulty, I took out some pills from my suit pocket and swallowed them. Then I dozed off on the couch, drifting into a hazy sleep. In my dream, I saw 17-year-old Emily. She had argued with her family about persisting with dance and ran out into the pouring rain. We ended up sitting under the same awning to escape the rain. At that time, my parents had just died in a car accident. When she learned of my situation, she put on a brave smile to comfort me. It was at that moment her appearance shone into my heart like a gentle moonbeam. Only I didn’t know then that her heart already belonged to someone else. Later, I became her shadow. I witnessed her subtle, shy crush in high school from afar. After graduation, she confessed and was rejected. Ryan went abroad to study, and I accompanied her as she drank herself into oblivion. We spent an less-than-ideal night together. It was then that Emily began to hate me.
I especially remember that drunken morning. Her tear-stained eyes were full of disgust and hatred towards me. It turned out she had promised Ryan she would wait for him. And after that night, she felt she was no longer worthy. She blamed me for ruining her future with Ryan. Later, she had a falling out with her family over college applications, so I used my parents’ compensation money to support her dream. But that was far from enough. I gave up my own dream of painting and changed my major to finance instead. As soon as I entered university, I desperately started looking for part-time jobs. Sometimes two bread rolls and a glass of water was my entire meal. But I was happy, because Emily was well taken care of. She achieved her dream and became the center of attention at school. As time passed, after so many years together, she no longer despised me as much. But she still didn’t love me. After graduating, Ryan didn’t return. That day, Emily got drunk again. I carefully helped her home and was about to leave after helping her clean up. But she looked at me with hazy eyes, her expression numb. “Jack, let’s get married.” I knew it was just drunk talk. But I still couldn’t refuse her request and agreed. “Okay, let’s get married.” The next afternoon, Emily appeared before me. Holding our household registration booklet. Skipping dating and proposals, just like that, we got married. Her face was expressionless, as if completing a most ordinary task. I thought my waiting had finally gained meaning. But I didn’t realize this was her way of closing the chapter on her youth. Much later I found out that morning she had tattooed an “R.T.” on her shoulder. Not for Jack Wilson, but for Ryan Thompson. On our wedding day, she sent Ryan a photo of the tattoo. “Even if we can never meet again, I can still feel you by my side.” “Goodbye, my youth.” After marriage, she was often away from home, but I didn’t mind. Because no matter how long it took, she would always come back. I just needed to wait like I had for the past few years. That was what I was best at. Snippets of our time together flashed before my eyes like a film, finally fading into a white light. When I came to, I found my soul floating in mid-air. Outside it was bright daylight. The digital clock on the wall told me it was already the next day. While “my” body lay on the couch, face unnaturally pale. I had died before the two months the doctor predicted, so quietly. So what I just saw wasn’t a dream, but the flashbacks before death. The phone rang. It was Emily calling. But now I was just a soul, unable to answer her call. A minute later, her text came through. “I’m waiting for you at the courthouse. Hurry up. Ryan needs someone with him.” “Don’t tell me you’ve changed your mind. I gave you a chance.” About 15 minutes later, the phone rang again. But still no one answered. My soul couldn’t leave this room, only float in the air silently watching the phone ring over and over. I felt a bit dejected. During my school years I was busy with part-time jobs. After graduation I was busy with work. My whole life revolved around Emily. If no one discovered my body, I’d probably rot here. The last shred of dignity as an adult was gone too. Emily would probably be even more disgusted when she saw my body. Fortunately, the landlord came by in the afternoon to read the electricity meter and found me on the couch. The moment my soul floated out of the house, it was pulled by a powerful force. When I came to my senses, I was already floating in mid-air not far from Emily. She sat beside Ryan’s bed, peeling an apple for him. But her technique was clumsy, nearly cutting herself several times. Ryan watched her with gentle eyes. “Jack didn’t show up today?” Her hand paused briefly as she replied, “Don’t worry about him. I’ll contact a lawyer for a contested divorce once you’re discharged.” I smiled bitterly. It seems she truly had no feelings for me all these years. Then Ryan asked, “Since you and Jack are getting divorced, can I ask you for a favor?” She looked up at Ryan with a coquettish gaze, pouting in displeasure, “Do we need to use such formal words between us? It’s too distant. If it weren’t for you, I probably would have died in that fire long ago.” I was stunned. What fire? Seeing her reaction, Ryan reached out and ruffled her hair affectionately. “It’s been so many years, how have you not forgotten? Even if I hadn’t saved you, the firefighters would have rescued you.” “It’s not the same.” “Come on, tell me, what is it?” Ryan seemed to steel himself, looking at her intently. “Can you… have a child for me?”
Hearing those words, I sharply inhaled. Because I knew Emily had dedicated everything to dance. I had brought up having children a few times after marriage, but was always firmly rejected. The impact on her figure and career after pregnancy was too risky for her to take. Sure enough, Emily frowned slightly. “Why?” Ryan lowered his gaze, his eyes a bit forlorn. “I’ve been so busy with work abroad all these years, and have decided to dedicate my life to scientific research. My family doesn’t want our lineage to end, so they came up with this idea. I know it’s an unreasonable request, but I don’t want to have a child with just anyone.” “Emily, if I hadn’t gone abroad that year, maybe we would already be married with kids by now.” The words were ambiguous, inviting speculation. Sure enough, a hint of hesitation flashed in Emily’s eyes. Her movements became careless, and she accidentally cut her finger with the fruit knife. She hurriedly grabbed a tissue to press on it, making an excuse to find a nurse and left the room. I floated in the hospital room, scrutinizing Ryan with my gaze. I didn’t believe a word he said. As far as I knew, Ryan had an older brother who was already married with children. The excuse of continuing the family line was too flimsy. The phone rang and he smiled slightly seeing the caller ID. “Honey, I’m fine.” “I haven’t finished things here yet, I’ll probably have to stay a few more months. I’ll come back to see you once she agrees.” “Be good, I miss you too.” As soon as he hung up, Emily walked back in. She seemed to have made some kind of decision, taking a few steps closer. “Ryan, I understand your dedication to your dreams. I’m willing to have your child, but we need to wait until I’ve finalized the divorce, okay?” A gentle smile returned to Ryan’s handsome face. “Of course.” I froze for a moment, feeling awful. So the child I had begged for, Ryan could get with just a few words. She was even willing to risk her career for him. Thankfully, we didn’t have children together. Otherwise, how pitiful would a child be with parents like this. “I can be discharged in a couple days. Once the paperwork is done I’ll move in with you.” Emily looked confused. “What do you mean move in together?” Ryan teased her, “Didn’t you agree to have my child? How are you going to do that if I don’t move in? You can’t make a baby by yourself, you know.” Her face flushed with embarrassment. After a moment’s hesitation she spoke, “We don’t have to live together. We can do IVF at a hospital.” Ryan paused, his words considerate, “I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to. But a child conceived naturally is generally healthier than one through IVF. For the baby’s sake, please think about it some more.” Her expression was complex as she picked up her phone to call me again. Still no answer. I had never gone so many days without contacting her. Faced with a request from the man she had loved for years, she instinctively felt guilty towards me. Perhaps remembering our days and nights together all these years made her unable to make an immediate decision. When she got home, she didn’t immediately notice anything amiss in the house. It wasn’t until she opened the fridge and found her favorite juice missing that she realized the reminder note on the fridge was from a week ago. “Honey, they’re out of the lime juice you like. I got you orange juice instead. If you don’t finish it in a couple days, remember to throw it out.” I floated in the air, back in our familiar home. This place once held all my love, and witnessed every sleepless night. Emily took out an unopened bottle of orange juice and took a sip before setting it down. Seems she didn’t like the taste. She turned and walked into the bedroom, only noticing something was wrong when she opened the closet. The men’s pajamas that usually hung next to her silk nightgown were gone. She turned and went into the study, finding that my Lego sets had disappeared too. That was the only gift Emily ever gave me. I treasured it dearly. She paused, disbelief in her eyes, then started searching the house for any traces of me. But I didn’t have many belongings to begin with. Everything had already been moved to the rental apartment. Half an hour later, she finally accepted the fact that I had truly left. She picked up her phone and dialed my number one more time. This time the call finally went through. She frowned instinctively and commanded: “Jack, I don’t care what game you’re playing, but my patience has limits. If you don’t show up by tomorrow, I’m getting a lawyer for a contested divorce.” The other end was silent for a few seconds before speaking. “Hello, this is the police station. Your husband Jack Wilson passed away in a rental apartment a few days ago. Please come to the station to claim the body.”
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