When I married Gabriel, I was 20, and he was 3 My mother said he was kind-hearted, successful, and could take care of me. For four years after our marriage, Gabriel treated me extremely well. Until I found my aunt’s photo in his wallet. 1 Gabriel spoiled me. He would give me anything I wanted, and being older, he seemed to have endless patience. I whined on the phone, “If you’re not coming home tonight, I might go out and find other men.” “I have to work late tonight, be good and stay home,” Gabriel paused, “Remember that bag you mentioned last time? I’ve already ordered it, it’ll be delivered tonight.” I giggled, “Why do you always try to appease me with bags?” “Don’t you like them?” His deep, magnetic voice made my heart flutter. I quickly said I loved it and kept him talking, the atmosphere turning flirtatious. After four years of marriage, I had truly experienced the benefits of being with an older man. He was so gentle, I couldn’t find a single flaw. Even when I deliberately acted up or caused trouble, he would always soothe me gently. He had a lot of money and a lot of love, and he gave both to me without hesitation. My heart was filled with warmth. Until my best friend told me she saw a woman walking arm in arm with Gabriel across the street. 2 That night, I had a huge fight with Gabriel. I didn’t even get a chance to appreciate the new bag before I threw it at his face. “What’s the meaning of this? Is your overtime work actually dating other women?” I was shaking with anger, my eyes red. Gabriel’s expression was cold, but when he looked at me, his eyes were only filled with gentleness and helplessness. He tried to approach me, but I pushed him away. “That was your aunt, darling. She just came back from abroad and happens to be cooperating with our company. We were having a business dinner.” “My aunt?” I was confused. My aunt was back? My aunt was a free spirit, 33 years old, single, traveling abroad. We hardly ever saw her throughout the year. She’s back? Why didn’t she tell me? Seeing my reaction, Gabriel pulled me into his arms, “Are you still angry?” I snorted and took out my phone to call my aunt. The call connected quickly. The woman’s soft voice came through the phone, and I felt Gabriel’s body stiffen for a moment. I glared at him and asked, “Aunt, you’re back?” “Yes, sweetie. I just called your mom. What’s up?” “Aunt, did you have dinner with my husband’s company tonight?” “Yes, I did. It was business, couldn’t be postponed. I drank quite a bit and almost tripped crossing the street. How embarrassing! Luckily your husband was there.” My doubts were completely dispelled. I arranged a welcome dinner with my aunt and hung up. Gabriel held me tightly, “Are you still angry?” “Hmph!” I pushed him away and picked up the new bag from the floor, feeling heartbroken about its condition. Gabriel was still patient, comforting me for a while longer. Finally, he carried me upstairs. 3 When I woke up early the next morning, Gabriel was already gone. He was busy with work and left early. And I found a photo in the wallet he had left behind. In the photo, a young woman looked radiant, smiling brightly with curved eyes. Her left hand was holding Gabriel’s arm, and her right hand was making an old-fashioned peace sign. Her appearance was somewhat similar to mine. No! It was very similar. With trembling hands, I stuffed the photo back. Gabriel was eleven years older than me, he must have had lovers in the past. I could let that go. But the woman in the photo was Olivia, my aunt… My husband and my aunt. What kind of relationship did they have? And what did they take me for in these four years of marriage? Like a thunderbolt, scenes from the past involving Olivia flashed through my mind. When we got married, he asked several times why Olivia didn’t attend the wedding; during New Year’s family gatherings, when my mother called Olivia, he would always lean in to say “Happy New Year”; even the clothes he bought for me were always in the cream color that my aunt loved to wear… There were too many similar incidents, scene after scene flashing through my mind, leaving me confused and shocked. The photo was old, the color fading at the edges, evidence of how many times the owner’s fingers must have caressed it longingly. Trying to avoid the reality, I stuffed the wallet into the bedside drawer. A moment later, I masochistically entered Gabriel’s study. He had warned me several times not to enter his study, and I wasn’t interested in what was inside, assuming it was just some important documents of a workaholic. I pushed aside the documents on the desk and looked at the photo album hidden beneath them. The album was filled with photos of a young couple on every page. I slowly flipped through, looking at the dates behind each photo, until I reached the last one. [October 26, 2016]. This photo was a long-distance shot taken at the airport on the day Olivia left the country six years ago. Her black hair was flowing, and her expression was melancholic. I was also in the photo. I was just a sophomore then, very reluctant to part with my aunt who had always doted on me. I was hugging Olivia and crying. I hadn’t noticed someone taking a picture from afar. On the back of the photo, there was a message written in neat handwriting. [Olivia, our ten years end here.] A month later, I met Gabriel for the first time in the cold winter. Two years later, after my college graduation, I unhesitatingly married him. 4 Everything between Gabriel and me. It was all a lie. 5 Gabriel came home very late. His posture was straight, his tailored suit and neatly combed-back hair making his handsome features look somewhat distant and cold. Those indifferent eyes seemed to melt when they saw me on the sofa. He smiled as he walked towards me, “It’s one in the morning, why aren’t you asleep?” In the past, I would have snuggled into his arms, craving his warmth. Now, I just felt disgusted. I avoided his outstretched hand and threw the photo I had been clutching onto the coffee table. These were the photos he had treasured and hidden in his study. Of course, he recognized them at a glance. Gabriel’s expression froze, but he managed to maintain a smile. “You went into my study?” he asked gently. “Yes.” Gabriel lowered his eyes and silently picked up the photos from the coffee table. “Don’t do it again.” His tone was calm, the worst attitude he had ever shown me since our marriage. I sneered, “There won’t be a next time, Gabriel. After all these years together, what exactly did you take me for?” I stood up, looking up at him. Time hadn’t left any traces on his face; he was still handsome and youthful. I stared into those seemingly affectionate eyes and saw him frown tiredly. “Alright, stop making a fuss. Let’s go to bed,” he sighed, as if yielding. “You think I’m making a fuss?” I asked. Gabriel avoided the question: “Sophia, haven’t I been good to you?” Without waiting for my answer, he continued, “I believe I’ve treated you well. At least in this marriage, I’ve never wronged you. So, can’t you understand that there are some things I can’t give you?” “Some things? You mean love?” I asked. He remained silent, implicitly agreeing. I wanted to laugh, but tears welled up instead, “So I’m just a replacement. You’ve been so good to me, but you’ve never loved me.” “You’re an adult. Love is too luxurious…” “Am I not worthy?” I interrupted him. I wanted to ask if I, Sophia, wasn’t worthy of sincere and passionate love. Should I be grateful for being a replacement? Uncontrollable sadness made me cry incessantly. Gabriel brought a warm, damp towel to wipe my tears, his movements gentle. But I felt even more miserable. See how gentle he was. So gentle that he remained calm even as he watched me break down. In this marriage, I was the only one who had invested my whole heart.
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