James’s first love was diagnosed with a terminal illness and didn’t have much time left. Just as we were about to board a plane for a family vacation, James received the news and immediately abandoned his family, leaving them with me while he rushed to be by his ex’s side. Furious, I suggested we break up. He retorted, “She’s dying. Is it too much to ask that I help her complete her bucket list?” Later, after fulfilling his ex’s last wishes, he knocked on my door and asked if I was still angry. The little munchkin behind me mimicked my response in a cute voice: “Go cool off somewhere else!” James had always been attentive to detail, while I tended to be more carefree. During our three-year relationship, he pampered me like a child. He remembered my menstrual cycle, all my food allergies, would warm my cold feet on his thighs when we slept in winter, and in summer, he’d drowsily cover me with a blanket in the middle of the night to prevent me from catching a chill. Our friends, seeing how he’d hold my hand even when crossing the street, urged us to get married and have kids soon, telling us to stop showing off and experience the hardships of married life. James would laugh and pull me close. “Even if we get married and have kids, Sophia won’t suffer one bit. We’ll book the best private hospital and the best postpartum care center.” During a long weekend, James wanted to introduce me to his family and had arranged an international family trip. They say that traveling together before marriage is the best test for a relationship. All flaws are magnified during a trip, and you’ll know if you can make it work after just one try. I was even more nervous about being tested along with his whole family. But James assured me that I didn’t need to worry about anything, just focus on looking beautiful, and he would take care of everything else. Only then did I feel at ease. The night before our departure, he tossed and turned, unable to sleep. I thought he was worried about overlooking something in the arrangements, so I gently patted him, but he said nothing, just let out a long sigh. At the airport, after meeting up with all his family members, he still seemed distracted, checking his phone every few minutes. James’s sister and brother-in-law had already gone through the boarding gate with their little daughter. I tugged on James’s sleeve, signaling him to show our tickets. Instead, he pulled me aside. “I’m sorry, Sophia. I can’t go. Please take care of my family for me.” Even as his running figure disappeared from view, I couldn’t process what had just happened. For the past three years, no matter when I messaged James, he always replied instantly. But this time, he didn’t answer my calls or respond to my messages. He didn’t even offer a proper explanation. What was going on? I was so angry that tears welled up in my eyes. “Ma’am, the boarding gate is about to close. Please board quickly.” This was James’s parents’ first trip abroad, and his sister had a three-year-old child with her. I couldn’t imagine how panicked this family would be in a foreign country, so I had no choice but to go ahead and board. As I walked across the jet bridge, my phone buzzed. I thought it was James, but when I opened it, I saw it was a message from my best friend, Olivia. “Did you know James’s first love, Nora, is back in the country? I heard she has a terminal illness and came back for treatment.” “Hey, I’m just gossiping with you. James is so good to you, whether she’s back or not shouldn’t affect your relationship.” Reading these lines, I took a deep breath, my hand trembling slightly. Thinking back on James’s recent strange behavior, everything suddenly made sense. My boyfriend, who had always showered me with affection, had abandoned his entire family and left them with me, all for his first love. James, who was usually so meticulous in his interactions with others, had done something so outrageous. I couldn’t help but steady myself against the nearby handrail, suddenly feeling dizzy. Once on the plane, faced with James’s waiting family, I hurriedly made up an excuse, saying James had an urgent matter at work. His mother seemed displeased. “Sophia, dear, why didn’t you try to persuade our James to stay? It’s a holiday, and we finally got to go on a trip together. He works too hard.” “If James isn’t going, what’s the point of us going?” I was taken aback. James probably couldn’t face me, not even offering an explanation, let alone giving me a chance to persuade him. The cabin door had already closed, and nearby passengers, hearing their conversation, began to whisper worriedly, concerned it might delay the takeoff. “When we finally get to go on a trip, we should try to overcome any obstacles and enjoy ourselves as much as possible.” I said this to James’s mother, but I was also saying it to myself.
Back in my seat, I couldn’t help but tear up. All of James’s past kindnesses now seemed distorted, unable to withstand scrutiny. Faced with his entire family, I still had to make excuses for him and comfort them. What sin had I committed to deserve such torment? “Miss, do you know the passenger who was supposed to sit next to you? They checked in but didn’t board. Our plane is about to take off…” A pleasant male voice sounded beside me. I looked up with teary eyes at him, suddenly feeling emotionally overwhelmed. “He… left.” The flight attendant panicked and hurriedly offered me tissues. “Left?” “Yes, he… just left.” My anger, grievance, and heartache completely overflowed at that moment. “I’m… so sorry for your loss. If you need anything, please don’t hesitate to ask.” The flight attendant looked at me with sympathy and surprise. Only then did I realize how ugly my crying must have been, leading him to misunderstand the situation entirely. The flight attendant was exceptionally attentive to us throughout the flight, giving James’s father an extra meal and even gifting James’s little niece with an airline mascot toy. As we were disembarking, I wanted to thank the flight attendant, but seeing him coldly refuse a female passenger who asked for a photo with him, I just quietly followed the crowd off the plane. I might as well consider James dead. Thinking this way, I actually felt a bit better.
Leading this big family through immigration, with the elderly complaining about the long wait and the little one crying from hunger, was overwhelming. All the things James said I wouldn’t need to worry about now fell on my shoulders, leaving me feeling utterly helpless with nowhere to vent my frustrations. When I received Olivia’s call, my mind was in a fog. “Sophia, why did it take you so long to answer? Is James with you? Have you seen Nora’s Instagram post?” “That person in the photo looks a lot like James!” Urged by Olivia, I hung up and checked Nora’s Instagram post. In the photo, there was a stark white hospital room with flowers and a card on the table. In the blurred background was a figure I knew all too well. Nora’s caption read: “The doctor asked what regrets I had in life. I made a long bucket list. But when I see the moonlight on your brow, with you by my side, what regrets could I possibly have?” In the comments, Nora’s readers expressed concern about her condition. Some began to speculate about Nora’s love life, guessing who the person in the photo might be. I sent Olivia a message. “I’ve seen the photo. It’s probably my soon-to-be ex-boyfriend, James.” We had once promised each other that even if we argued, it wouldn’t last more than a day. We would communicate clearly about any issues and never resort to the silent treatment. But in the days since we left, James hadn’t contacted me at all. James wasn’t answering his parents’ calls either, only sending them brief messages saying he was busy with work and would explain everything when he got back. His uncle and aunt were worried but didn’t want to say much. His sister pulled me aside. “Sophia, tell me the truth. What’s really going on between you and James? Did you two have a fight?” “James went to the hospital to take care of Nora.” “What? They broke up years ago! This is ridiculous!” Right in front of me, his sister dialed James’s number, but after a few rings, the call was disconnected. I gave a bitter smile. Perhaps he was also feeling guilty and couldn’t face his family’s questions. Ever since I started thinking of James as my deceased ex-boyfriend, I felt a touch of pity when looking at his family members. It wasn’t until we returned home and I led the whole family out of the arrivals area with their luggage that I saw James again.
It turns out that when people feel guilty, they can’t look you in the eye. From the moment I first saw James until he sent everyone home, he kept avoiding my gaze. By the time the car stopped in the underground parking of our building, it was already 11 PM. “Give me an explanation, right here. I don’t want to go home to argue, I have work tomorrow.” On the flight back, I had already thought of various reasons for him, but I still wanted to hear it from his own mouth. “Nora is back. She has late-stage cancer, the doctors say she doesn’t have much time left…” “Hmm, and then?” James turned his head to look at me, probably not understanding why my response was so cold. “She has no family or close friends here. I’m the only familiar person she has in the country, so she asked if I could go to the hospital to keep her company. I really couldn’t refuse… You know, I owe her too much.” “I know I didn’t handle this well, and I’m sorry you had to suffer through the trip. But I promise, there’s nothing between us. It’s not what you think.” I opened the car’s dashcam records, only to find that the footage from the past few days had been completely deleted. “I wasn’t thinking anything about you two, but James, what exactly are you feeling guilty about?” “I just didn’t want you to get angry, but I swear, I didn’t do anything inappropriate. You should trust me.” Suddenly, I realized that our past tenderness had blinded me, making me completely unaware of the huge difference between James and me in our views on relationships. He felt that as long as he didn’t do anything substantially out of line, he had nothing to be ashamed of in our relationship. But what I wanted was undivided attention in a relationship. I stared at that face, the face I once adored, now feeling utterly unfamiliar. “James, I’ve been thinking about this the whole way back. Let’s break up.” “Sophia, how can you be so cold? Nora is dying. Is it too much to ask to help her fulfill her last wishes? Do we really have to break up over this?” “If marrying you was her dying wish, would you agree to that too?” James wanted to say something but couldn’t get the words out. It seemed James didn’t have a clear line in his mind. He didn’t know what he needed to stand firm on for the sake of our relationship. “Find somewhere else to stay tonight. I’ll move out tomorrow.” I suddenly felt so exhausted, not wanting to argue for even one more minute.
James was a local, always living a comfortable, well-off life. I came here for college and stayed for work, only managing to buy a small apartment after working for a few years. After moving in with James, I had planned to sell my small place so we could buy a bigger apartment together. Fortunately, due to the poor market conditions, the apartment hadn’t sold. Now I still had a place to return to. As I took my clothes out of the boxes and hung them back in the closet one by one, the past few years felt like a dream. Before I could catch my breath, my Instagram blew up with messages from strangers hurling insults at me. It took me a while to piece together what was happening. Nora’s new book had been released, and in it, she had written a heart-wrenching account of her relationship with James. When they first fell in love, their passion was intense and all-consuming. The explicit words in the book left little to the imagination, making readers blush. The book claimed that even after Nora went abroad, their feelings hadn’t faded. Every brief encounter was worth more than countless ordinary moments. And it all came to an abrupt end because of my appearance. In the book, I was portrayed as someone who took advantage of the situation and would stop at nothing. All her deep, enduring love couldn’t compete with my shameless seduction. Although she didn’t use real names in the book and repeatedly emphasized that it was all fiction, her eager fans still managed to find my Instagram account through the deliberate hints scattered throughout the text and began their barrage of insults. What chilled me even more was that her book mentioned several times when she returned to the country to see James, which I calculated had all happened after James and I got together. “When he waited for me, he stood under the kapok tree at the street corner. We embraced in the wind, melting in a moment of passion. In that instant, I still loved him.” “Stir-fried green peppers with pork, spicy pig blood, ginger-spiced chicken feet – we drank two dozen ice-cold beers at a street stall. His lips were swollen from the spice, and I joked that this time it wasn’t my doing.” I believe these were all true. The cities mentioned in the book perfectly matched the places where James had gone on business trips over the past few years. When James pursued me, he and Nora had already been broken up for years. But now, in her book, she deliberately portrayed me as the one who broke them apart. As the situation escalated, various strangers claiming to be former colleagues and classmates I didn’t recognize emerged online. They fabricated one story after another, painting me as someone who bullied classmates, seduced teachers, and flirted with clients, sparking wave after wave of verbal abuse. Some even went as far as collecting this information, along with various vulgar images, compiling it into a 36-page document, and sending it to everyone in my company’s email list, urging my boss to fire me for my moral depravity. I was about to confront James when he called. “Sophia, are you still angry? Why did you move all your things out?” Laughable. Now I wasn’t just angry, I was on the verge of exploding. “Tell Nora to explain what’s going on with her book. I’m being cyberbullied. If she doesn’t clear things up, she can expect to hear from my lawyer.” He paused for three seconds, then spoke slowly. “Calm down, Sophia. You know how that circle works. Sometimes they need to write something sensational to get readers. The book clearly states it’s all fiction. Don’t take it to heart.” “So, you knew what she wrote in the book all along? Did you approve of her smearing me?” “She said her fans all know it’s fiction, and you know she needs a lot of money for her treatment right now. All the money from this book is for saving her life.” “There are many ways to save her life. Dragging my name through the mud isn’t the only option. James, if I don’t see an explanation tomorrow, she can expect to receive a lawyer’s letter.” “Do you really have to make such a big deal out of this? Sophia, you’ve changed.” “Did you go to see her behind my back, James?” “Let me explain…” I hung up the phone and threw it on the couch, not wanting to hear another word of excuses. Three years of relationship crumbled in an instant. I could no longer distinguish what was true or false in our past sweetness. In my world, James was already dead.
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