In the fifth year of my marriage to Nolan, his first love returned. He placed her on his maintenance team. When I questioned him, he retorted, “Do you know why I chose her? Because she’s not like you, just a housewife obsessed with romance!” So, when he asked for a divorce for the twenty-second time, I nodded, “Let’s get divorced then.” Nolan scoffed, “Don’t come begging me like a stray dog.” I nodded, efficiently packed my belongings while he watched in disbelief. “Goodbye forever.” In the fifth year of my marriage to Nolan, he asked for a divorce for the twenty-second time. It all began because today was our anniversary. We had planned to go out for French cuisine, and the reservation was set, but he didn’t come home on time, so I drove to his office. As I passed the coffee shop downstairs, I saw him standing with a girl. The sight of her made my heart clench, and I struggled to breathe. It was Eloise, his ex-girlfriend, with whom he had a stormy five-year relationship before they finally parted ways. They stood at the bar, the girl in a stylish white outfit exuding a professional yet charming vibe. The man was in a suit. Their actions weren’t overtly intimate, but the love in their eyes was unmistakable. I took out my phone and opened my chat with Nolan. My last messages were still there, unanswered. Every time I called, he was busy, busy spending time with someone else. I walked into the coffee shop but couldn’t bring myself to interrupt the lovely scene. The gentle, affectionate smile on Nolan’s face was something I’d never seen directed towards me. Every time he came home, he wore a scowl, and I thought it was work stress. Turns out, he was unhappy because I wasn’t the person he wanted to see. After getting coffee, Nolan turned and saw me. He was momentarily startled, then gently patted the girl’s head, said something that made her pout, and she left. Nolan got into the car, frowning again, “What are you doing here?” I shrugged nonchalantly, “I came to pick you up from work. Didn’t we agree to have French dinner tonight?” “And, I remember you saying you wouldn’t let Eloise join your maintenance team.” Nolan’s frown deepened, “Phoebe, can you stop being so unreasonable?” “Eloise graduated from a prestigious aviation university and worked in a top maintenance team in Malaysia for years. Her professional skills are outstanding. Do you know how many teams want her?” “As a captain, choosing responsible crew members is about passenger safety. Why do you only think about romance? Maybe you’re too bored as a housewife. If you can’t stand it, find a job as a supermarket cashier.” He showed no restraint in his disdain. I silently gripped the steering wheel. We didn’t go for French dinner. At home, Nolan locked himself in the study, unwilling to talk. Usually, I’d try to make peace, or if I couldn’t take it, we’d have a big fight, but he’d always remain indifferent, making me look foolish. But this time, I acted as if nothing happened, quietly going about my business. An hour later, Nolan suddenly opened the study door. “Who are you sulking for?” “Eloise passed the team interview. I’m not letting her go. If you care, we can just divorce.” He seemed sure I’d back down, speaking with authority. “Anyway, you’re just a housewife. Without me, you can’t do anything…” “Fine, let’s divorce.” I cut him off. Nolan was stunned, “Phoebe, are you serious?” After a couple of seconds, he laughed. His smile was usually reassuring, but now it was laced with mockery, “Phoebe, I’m not joking.” “If we divorce, don’t come crying back, saying you can’t bear to part and only love me. It’s pathetic.” Though this wasn’t our first fight, hearing such hurtful words nearly shattered my composure. I was used to his harsh words, but it still hurt. I took a deep breath, “I’ve drafted the agreement. The car and house are yours, and I’ll take the savings.” I placed the agreement in front of Nolan. His expression shifted from disdain to disbelief, but he soon took it blankly. “Phoebe, once you sign this, there’s no going back. No matter how much you beg, I won’t look at you again. As a faded housewife, you’ll struggle to find better. I suggest you think…” I handed him the pen, “Stop wasting time. Sign it.” Nolan was stunned, grabbed the pen, and signed quickly to save face. “Tomorrow at nine, don’t disappear,” he mocked. I shook my head seriously, “I won’t. I’ve already made the appointment.” That night, I moved my bedding to the living room, listening to the sounds of things being thrown in the bedroom, crying silently under the covers.
Maybe my relationship with Nolan was doomed from the start. I always chased him, an eight-year crush from college. After graduation, he and Eloise broke up, and everyone knew. Eloise got an overseas job offer, but Nolan had been interning at a domestic airport for six months, soon to be permanent. Neither could give up their future, so they parted ways. At that farewell party, Eloise didn’t come. Nolan drank heavily and was a mess. Leaving, he was unconscious. His friends knew I liked him, so they urged me to take him home. Even drunk, he was a grown man, over six feet tall, his weight on me. I got him to the couch but was pulled into his alcohol-scented embrace. I had a few drinks at the party too. As the alcohol hit, I heard him sobbing, “Eloise, don’t leave me.” The next morning, I fled with a hickey on my neck. We silently agreed not to contact each other, and I thought my crush was over. Then I found out I was pregnant. My periods were always regular, and when I noticed something off, I got tested. With the report in hand, I sat in the hospital corridor. On a whim, I texted Nolan. I didn’t want to trap him with the baby, but he had a right to know. I waited at the hospital till night, but he didn’t respond. I thought he blocked me, but then Nolan called. “Phoebe, let’s get married.” If not for being in a hospital, I would’ve screamed with joy. I thought I used all my luck for his proposal. But I stayed calm, “If you’re doing this out of duty, I don’t need it.” He paused, then firmly said, “Phoebe, I’ll take responsibility. We can be together.” I waited for him at the hospital entrance. As he approached, he became the handsome boy from my youth. I didn’t know when I fell for him. Maybe when he caught me skipping class but let me go, teasing, “Like a little rabbit, hard to scold.” Or maybe every morning and evening I watched him. But at this moment, my longing finally found hope. Later, Nolan’s mother used my pregnancy as an excuse to skip the wedding. She made my life difficult, and I lost the baby. But I believed if I worked hard enough, Nolan would see my worth. How naive I was back then. Five years later, my sincerity was worn out, meaningless.
The next morning, I got up half an hour early. As nine approached, I knocked on the bedroom door. Nolan took his time, still in yesterday’s suit, “You’re eager for divorce.” I checked my watch and echoed his words, “It’s almost nine. Are you planning to disappear?” “Didn’t you always want a divorce? Now you’re almost free, why need a reminder?” Five years have gone by, and the sincerity has long faded away. It’s not even worth mentioning anymore. The next evening, I deliberately got up half an hour earlier. As the clock approached nine, I knocked on the bedroom door. Nolan finally came to open the door, still wearing the same suit from yesterday. “Phoebe, are you really in such a rush to get divorced?” I glanced at my watch and threw his words from the previous night back at him: “It’s almost nine. Are you planning to pull a disappearing act?” “Besides, haven’t you always wanted a divorce? You’re about to be free. Why do I need to remind you?” With that, I went to the door to change my shoes. “Hurry up, or we’ll have to reschedule if it’s past nine.” Nolan sneered and followed me to the door. “Fine, let’s get divorced. Eloise is much better than you. Marrying her will bring me more happiness than I can express.” I nodded, brushing off his comment. On the way to City Hall, Nolan drove like he was in a fury, cursing at everyone we passed. I sat in the back, eyes closed, resting. I’m used to interacting like this by now. In five years of marriage, Nolan and I rarely talked about the little things in life, as couples do. Initially, I would share interesting or delicious things with him, but he always responded with indifference, sometimes even impatience. Eventually, I stopped trying, convincing myself he was just naturally aloof. But that wasn’t true. I had seen him on Phoebe’s social media, being witty and charming. That warmth just wasn’t for me. At City Hall, the mediator kept trying to reconcile us. I smiled and said, “There’s no need to persuade us. The divorce is a mutual decision after careful consideration. Besides, it was a shotgun wedding. There’s no real affection.” Nolan glanced at me, a complex expression on his face. But I didn’t care. Seeing we were beyond help, the mediator sighed: “There’s a one-month cooling-off period for divorces now. If you’re sure, come back in a month.” “Take this time to think it over. Look at you two; such a handsome couple. If you’ve been married this long, there must be some feelings. Don’t act impulsively.” Nolan is indeed good-looking, I agree. When we started school, he was famous for his looks. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have had a crush on him for so many years. Plus, he comes from a good family, always treated like royalty. Back in college, while we were eating street food, he was taking Eloise to fancy French restaurants. He was generous and loyal to his friends and classmates. But with me, he was stingy, unwilling to share even a bit of affection. I used to agonize over whether I wasn’t good enough. But now, I realize that’s not important. He treated me poorly, not the other way around. Because I hadn’t slept well, I kept yawning. Nolan turned to see my tear-filled eyes. He thought I was crying because I couldn’t bear the divorce, feeling smug: “I told you there’s no remedy for regret. Even if you don’t want the divorce now, it’s too late.” “I, Nolan, never go back.” I ignored him and headed home. Once there, Nolan habitually said, “Go make lunch. I want sweet and sour ribs today.” I ignored him and went into the kitchen, but I came out with the rice cooker I had customized. He widened his eyes: “What are you doing?” “I bought the rice cooker. Of course, I’m taking it with me after the divorce.” Besides the rice cooker I’m reluctant to leave behind, I also want to take the shoe cabinet and glass vase I bought. But they’re too big and inconvenient to move. “What do you mean?” Nolan asked, trying to suppress his anger, and I saw a vein throbbing on his temple. “Isn’t it obvious? I’ve found a new place and plan to move out. Oh, though you didn’t buy me much, I’ve left the things you did in the bedroom. Handle them as you wish.” Watching me busily pack my suitcase, Nolan suddenly erupted, kicking the coffee table. “Phoebe, if you leave, don’t ever come back.” I frowned at him, “We’ve been married for years. Do you really have to be so hostile?” “Wouldn’t it be better to part ways gracefully?” “There’s no point in maintaining appearances between us. If you’re leaving, just stop nagging.”
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