Eight years ago, I dropped out of college and worked tirelessly to pay for Valerie’s tuition. She clung to me, tears streaming, swearing she’d never betray me, not ever. Years later, she built her own empire, becoming a multi-millionaire CEO. But the night I was diagnosed with terminal cancer, I saw her, under a streetlamp, kissing someone else. That same night, she broke up with me. My heart turned to ash. “Valerie, what about our eight years?” She looked at me, her voice icy. “Eight years? That’s not long at all. Not to me.” “Your eight years might have been all about me, but my eight years? They were about so much more than just you.” Yet, when she learned of my death, she completely lost her mind. “I’m sorry, Mr. Alex. The diagnosis is in. It’s late-stage stomach cancer.” The doctor handed me the report, his eyes filled with pity. I felt like I’d been struck by a lightning bolt. It was just a stomach ache, how could it be a terminal illness? A million questions flooded my mind, but a lump formed in my throat, and I couldn’t make a sound. I opened my mouth, and after a long moment, finally managed to ask, “How much longer… do I have?” The doctor adjusted his glasses. “Three months, at most.” I let out a bitter laugh, took the diagnosis, and stood up to leave. It wasn’t until I was outside, sitting in my car, that I covered my eyes and broke down, sobbing. My cries were muffled, a raw, hoarse sound tearing from deep in my throat. Only three months left to live. What about Valerie? How would she survive, alone, after I was gone? The night breeze carried a chilling bite as I stood on the balcony, waiting for Valerie to return. I’d shredded the diagnosis, tearing it into tiny pieces, then watched them swirl down the drain. I waited from day until night. In those dozen or so hours, I finally understood. I couldn’t tell Valerie. Everyone says it’s better to cut ties cleanly, better a quick, sharp pain than a lingering one. But I… I didn’t want her to hurt at all. A familiar silhouette gradually appeared under the streetlamp. I was just wondering why Valerie hadn’t driven home today when, the next second, I saw her pulled into someone else’s embrace and kissed. In an instant, the blood in my veins seemed to freeze. The two figures under the streetlamp looked exactly like a pair of lovers. Valerie didn’t pull away. She let him kiss her on the side of her lips, then watched him leave. The villa’s front door opened, let in by the housekeeper. I waited on the second floor, my mind a blank slate. Soon after, she walked into the room and gently hugged me from behind. “Alex, I’m so tired today.” My body stiffened. I subtly pulled away from her embrace. Valerie looked at me, a hint of complaint in her voice. “What’s wrong?” I reached up and plucked a rose petal from her hair. It was from when she and that other person stood under the roses, kissing. My fingers trembled slightly. I looked up at her, my voice low as I demanded, “Who was that person?” Valerie’s face instantly changed. “You saw?” I waited silently for her explanation, but she just calmly told me, “Alex, there’s nothing between us. You know I only love you.” “You’re the only one I’m truly sincere about.” My heart was practically numb with pain. I let out a self-deprecating laugh. “Oh, really? Valerie, then your ‘sincerity’ comes cheap.” Perhaps stung by my words, Valerie’s expression gradually darkened. “I don’t want to argue with you.” I repeated her words. “I don’t want to argue either. I want an explanation.” “Tell me, who was he?” Valerie’s expression grew impatient. “You can’t stand it, can you?” She coldly tossed out, “Then let’s break up.” I barely reacted, just stared at her, stunned. “You… what did you say?” Valerie’s eyes darted away, but she still told me, word for word, “I said, if you can’t stand it, then let’s break up.” Suddenly, my nose stung. My voice choked in my throat. “Break up?” My lips trembled slightly as I asked her, “Valerie, what about our eight years?” She looked at me, her gaze icy. “Eight years? That’s not long at all. Not to me.” “Your eight years might have been all about me, but my eight years? They were about so much more than just you.” A sudden, violent pain erupted in my stomach, spreading to my heart. I could barely stand. Valerie ran a frustrated hand through her hair. “I’ll meet many more people. Alex, if you don’t trust me, then what’s the point of dragging this on?” I forced myself to maintain a calm facade, my nails digging into my palms. A coppery taste filled my mouth. I gritted my teeth and said, “Valerie, say ‘break up’ one more time, and I’ll never appear before you again.” She opened her mouth, but in the end, she just slammed the door shut. “I’m staying at the apartment tonight.” It wasn’t until her voice completely faded that I collapsed weakly to the ground. Blood seeped from the corner of my mouth. I covered my mouth with my hand, but the next second, I violently vomited a large mouthful of fresh blood.
My consciousness gradually blurred, my vision hazy, and I collapsed to the floor. The second before I blacked out, I suddenly remembered the year Valerie and I first met. She was only eighteen. “Stop pretending! You think you can hide?!” A group of girls had cornered someone. The leader viciously slapped the girl, her face contorted with hatred. She grabbed the girl’s hair, cursing and venting, “You slut, trying to seduce men!” I didn’t hear a single sound of resistance. The girl silently endured the violence, so quiet it was as if she felt no pain. “Enough.” I pressed my cigarette against the wall to extinguish it, then turned and walked to the alley entrance, watching them coldly. The girls turned to look at me, their expressions dismissive. “I suggest you mind your own business.” Through a gap, the girl’s eyes fixed on me, her gaze vacant. I picked up a wooden stick leaning against the wall and slammed it against the corner. It snapped with a crack. I threw the remaining half in front of them. “I said, *enough*.” The girls exchanged glances. After a few seconds of silence, they reluctantly walked away from me. Only the girl remained, a clear handprint still on her cheek. I watched for a few seconds, then looked away, turning to leave. Footsteps followed behind me, not too close, almost matching mine. After the second street corner, I finally stopped. The footsteps ceased as well. I turned around. The girl was indeed about a yard behind me. “Why are you following me?” She looked at me in a panic, and tears suddenly streamed down her face, tracing a path over the handprint, making it seem even more stark. I was suddenly lost in thought, realizing, *she hurts too*. “Come on.” Perhaps she thought I was chasing her away. She clutched the corner of her shirt, flustered, but refused to move a single step. I paused for a few seconds, then finished my sentence. “I’ll take you home.” She trusted me without a second thought, and actually led me to her home. In the long, dark alley, she spoke for the first time. “My name is Valerie.” I curved my lips into a slight smile, though it was hidden in the darkness. “Alex.” Valerie lived in the slums, her house surrounded by piles of scavenged junk. She pushed open the yard gate, and a partially-blind old woman emerged from the small doorway. “Valerie, you’re back.” Valerie smiled and called out, “Grandma.” She introduced me to the old woman. “This is Alex. He’s my… good friend.” I paused, slightly stunned. Perhaps afraid I’d contradict her, Valerie quickly ducked into the kitchen. The old woman warmly pulled me into the house, then took out some treasured candies and offered them to me. “Good boy. Valerie has never brought a friend home before.” “You’re the first one.” I gave a bitter smile as I peeled the wrapper, putting the milky candy in my mouth. This elderly, partially-sighted woman would never know what her granddaughter suffered at school, let alone that she had no friends. She held my hand and talked for a long time. When emotions ran deep, she wiped tears from the corners of her eyes. “My Valerie has had a very hard life. She was abandoned by her parents by the river when she was just born, and I, a poor, old, almost-blind woman, found her and brought her home.” The old woman took out her sewing kit, dug out a few crumpled bills from the bottom, then tremblingly pressed the largest bill into my hand. “It’s a blessing she met a friend like you. Please, help me look after my Valerie from now on.” My nose stung, my lips parted, but no sound came out. Finally, I just mumbled, “Okay.” From that day on, I started watching over Valerie, becoming almost her constant shadow. “Alex, where’s your family?” The sunset settled on the lake, quickly sinking and taking the last light with it. Valerie asked me this for the first time. I paused for a few seconds, then told her, short and direct, “My mom died. My dad’s in prison. He killed my mom.” The air suddenly grew quiet. Valerie must have realized she’d spoken out of turn, so she immediately fell silent. After a long silence, she took my right hand. In the darkness, I heard her choked voice. “Alex, from now on… I’ll be your family.” She made that promise to me, and I believed her.
My face suddenly felt wet. I slowly opened my eyes. The white furball in front of me was licking my cheek. Seeing me awake, Buddy snuggled into my arms. I reached out and stroked his head, then staggered to the bathroom, turning on the shower to wash away the blood. The person who drove Valerie home that night was quickly identified—Brandon, Valerie’s secretary. He was young, a prestigious university graduate, and strikingly handsome. I wasn’t surprised that someone like him could attract Valerie. Valerie didn’t come home for several nights. I waited in the villa, calm as if insane. Late at night, my stomach pain grew severe. I tremblingly took out my painkillers, poured out a few pills, and dry-swallowed them. In the darkness, I curled up, letting the cold sweat soak the sheets. Just as the pain began to subside, the sound of the door lock clicked. Someone walked into the room, then quietly lay down beside me. She reached out and hugged me from behind, not saying a word. The smell of alcohol drifted into my nostrils, pungent and stinging. I pulled away from her, turning on the bedside lamp. “Have you been drinking?” Valerie’s eyes were red, but she didn’t answer. After a long moment, she finally cried, “Alex, you can’t leave me.” “You’re all I have. If even you leave me, what will I do?” I looked at her, smiling faintly, and gently wiped her tears with my fingertips. A sudden, intense bitterness welled up inside me. “Valerie, it’s not me leaving you…” I trembled as I closed my eyes. “It’s you leaving me.” Valerie gripped my hand, apologizing over and over. “I was wrong. Please forgive me.” “You know I can’t live without you.” Her tears dripped onto the back of my hand, and all my defenses crumbled instantly. “Valerie, tell me, between him and me… who do you choose?” She wrapped her arms around my neck, tilted her head back, and kissed my lips, her voice choked with tears, speaking the most devastating love words. “I choose you, Alex. Only you.” Valerie kissed my Adam’s apple, her passion evident. I cupped the back of her neck, deepening the kiss. My body gradually grew hot. The moment I took off Valerie’s shirt, I suddenly saw the dense scars on her arm. The string in my mind suddenly snapped. *That’s right*, how could Valerie possibly leave me? Everyone only saw Valerie’s dazzling success, but no one knew that she had once suffered from severe depression. The first time I found her, the bathtub water was already stained crimson. She lay there, unconscious, her fate uncertain. But even after being rescued, Valerie didn’t give up on suicide. When I broke into the locked room, her left arm was covered in countless cuts. Valerie sat on the floor, her face blank. I skillfully took out gauze to bandage her. Valerie didn’t pull away, she just looked at me and smiled. “Alex, please don’t save me.” She expressed her pain so calmly. I looked at her vacant stare and remained silent for a long time. “Does it hurt?” Valerie’s right hand still gripped a fruit knife. I took her hand, used its force, and slashed deeply across my own arm. It took her a few seconds to react. Then she screamed and threw the knife away. “Alex! Alex…” Valerie finally burst into tears. She frantically tried to cover my wound, but the blood soaked her palm, seeping through her fingers. “Valerie, it hurts so much.” I pulled her into my embrace, begging her over and over. “Please, don’t die.” “Valerie, let me be your medicine.”
The memories gradually faded, and my gaze refocused on the present. A voice reached my ears. “Sir, Ms. Valerie said you don’t need to wait for her tonight.” Mr. Davies, the butler, spoke and then quietly withdrew. The dinner on the table had grown cold. I quietly listened to the clock strike midnight. This was the third day. The third day I hadn’t seen Valerie. Just as I was lost in thought, the white furball suddenly darted into my arms. It knocked the bowls and chopsticks off the table, making a sharp clattering sound. “Buddy, cut it out.” Buddy’s tongue lolled out, like a grin. I helplessly stroked his head, then bent down to pick up the broken pieces from the floor. A sharp shard of porcelain cut my fingertip, and blood quickly seeped out. I knelt on the floor, looking at the scattered fragments around me. For a moment, I felt a strange sense of unreality. A bitter smile touched my lips. Go back to how things were… as if that were even possible. The room at night carried a chill. Ever since I fell ill, I’d become sensitive to the cold. The heat from the AC gradually filled the room, but even curled up under the blankets, I still shivered violently. Valerie appeared at some point. She gently wrapped her arms around me. “Alex, I’m home.” I strained to press closer to her, desperate for a bit of warmth, but I still shivered uncontrollably. “Valerie, I’m cold.” She gently stroked my back, then hummed a familiar lullaby to lull me to sleep. “Don’t be scared.” I called her name. “Valerie?” She said, “I’m here.” I called her name again and again, and she answered every time. Suddenly, I wanted to cry so badly. Tears welled up in my eyes. My voice choked with sobs as I told her, “Valerie, I’m dying.” Her movements suddenly stilled. “Oh? Well, that’s…” I couldn’t quite hear her voice, so I looked up at her. Valerie’s expression suddenly twisted, her eyes filled with extreme, deranged madness, her smile grotesque. “Well, that’s wonderful.” My heart jolted. I reached out a disbelieving hand toward her. “Valerie—!” When I opened my eyes again, the sky outside was bright. My back was soaked with cold sweat. I sat up, still shaken, unable to fully recover my senses. It had just been… a dream. I closed my eyes, calmed myself, then got up and walked out of the room. A housekeeper walked by in the hallway. I looked at the shirt she was holding and said, “Did Ms. Valerie come back last night?” The housekeeper respectfully nodded. “Yes, Ms. Valerie returned very late last night. She was afraid of disturbing you, so she slept in the guest room.” I took the shirt, glanced at it, then handed it back. “You can go now.” It wasn’t until I was alone that I lifted my fingers to my nose and inhaled. A familiar woody fragrance. I almost wanted to laugh. It was the birthday gift Valerie gave me when she turned twenty. The same scent. On whose body had she picked it up this time? My stomach began to cramp again. I took two painkillers, just barely managing to suppress the pain. A wave of dizziness washed over me. I lifted my hand, trying to grab onto something, but ultimately collapsed weakly onto the bed and passed out again. When I next woke, the window was pitch black. A knock sounded at the door. I reached out, gripping the edge of the table to steady myself. “Come in.” Mr. Davies slowly walked up to me. “Sir, Ms. Valerie sent someone to pick you up.” I paused, slightly confused, then nodded. It wasn’t until I was in the car that I belatedly asked, “Where are we going?” The driver’s voice held a hint of a smile. “You’ll find out when you get there.” A flicker of emotion stirred in my heart. Unease, or perhaps, expectation.
The entire floor of the riverside rooftop restaurant was empty. A waiter pushed open the glass door for me. A cascade of roses bloomed profusely, and amidst them, stood Valerie, dressed in a white gown. She walked toward me, a dazzling smile on her face. “Happy Birthday, Alex.” I was slightly stunned. It was my birthday today? I’d even forgotten myself… She explained that she had deliberately been distant these past few days to prepare this surprise for me. Valerie took a necklace from a box in her hand and fastened it around my neck. As our skin brushed, I felt her breath near my ear. “Alex, this is our ninth year.” She wrapped her arms around my waist, leaning gently against me. “And we’ll have many, many more nine years together.” I almost froze, unable to move for a long time. A sudden, intense bitterness welled up inside me. *But Valerie… we don’t have a future anymore.* She took my hand and led me to the table. A waiter poured our wine. Valerie raised her glass to me. “Alex…” She suddenly smiled shyly. For a moment, I saw the ghost of her eighteen-year-old self. “Have I ever told you?” I frowned, asking, “What?” Valerie’s expression grew serious. “I love you.” My heart lurched, then pounded in my chest with endless echoes. Valerie’s affection had always been quiet, almost shy. Never had she expressed it with such passionate, direct honesty. This was the first time. Her cheeks flushed. She took a sip of her wine, using it to hide her nervousness. I hesitated for a moment, then drained my glass. My stomach cramped painfully. I forced a smile, enduring the discomfort. “I’m very happy.” She was about to say something else when a heated argument suddenly erupted nearby. “Sir! You can’t go in!” By the time I looked up, the man had already walked in front of us. He looked utterly distraught, but his handsome face was still undeniable. His clothes were impeccably neat, yet he reeked of alcohol. “Why did you fire me?” The man’s voice was cold, yet broken, with a hint of a sob. He was fragile, like a wet, abandoned puppy, easily eliciting a protective instinct from others. I instantly knew who he was—Valerie’s secretary, Brandon. Brandon continued to demand, over and over, “What exactly did I do wrong? Was my presence a problem for you?” “But you didn’t reject me then. I thought you felt something for me…” He acted as if I wasn’t even there, passionately pouring out his heart. Valerie’s expression gradually darkened. “Shut up.” Only then did Brandon turn his gaze to me. He stared for a long moment, then gave a bitter laugh. “I see.” He turned and walked away, a look of grim determination on his face. Valerie instinctively rose to stop him. I looked up at her. “Valerie.” My eyes suddenly stung. I asked, almost pleading, “Are you leaving?” She faltered. I gripped her fingertips, forcing a difficult smile as tears traced paths down my cheeks. “Please, don’t go.” Valerie’s eyes flickered with struggle. After a few seconds, it turned to apology. “I’m sorry.” She chased after him. In that vast restaurant, I was the only one left, the only ‘star’ of her show. I stood there for a long time, then covered my eyes with my hand, letting the tears soak my palm, before a low, bitter laugh escaped me. If you’d known this was the last birthday you’d spend with me, would you regret it? Valerie, I almost fell for it. Almost.
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