Adrift: The Lost Lonely Boat

In the dead of night, my husband held me close and suddenly remarked with emotion: “You look so beautiful with your hair down like this.” His eyes were full of affection, but I felt as if I’d plunged into an icy abyss. Because I always sleep with my hair down every night. A week later, I went for a prenatal checkup and ran into a woman. Her high ponytail and the necklace she wore caught my eye. It was identical to the one Zachary had given me on our anniversary. “Honey?” Zachary suddenly filled my field of vision. “It’s our turn, shall we go in?” I shifted my gaze to his face. His expression was normal, as if he hadn’t noticed that woman at all. Nor had he realized that the necklace around her neck was the same as the one he’d given me not long ago. I nodded and turned around. He stepped ahead to open the door for me. Unexpectedly, as soon as I sat down, his phone rang. “It’s a work call, might be important. I’ll step out to take it.” Zachary had recently joined the board of directors at the company’s branch office, but today was Monday, and there was an unmissable executive meeting at headquarters that he had to attend. However, to accompany me for the checkup, he had still managed to take time off. All these years, he had always put my needs first. When I saw freshly made mooncakes online from thousands of miles away and craved them, he flew across the country to buy them for me that very day. When I had insomnia and couldn’t sleep, he changed his flight while on a business trip to rush back and keep me company. In all our time together, he had never made me shed a single tear. We were known among our friends as the model couple, but I knew that this was all thanks to his tolerance and compromise. He cared about me too much and was too good to me, consistently for seven years. So much so that even now, I could clearly catch the fleeting nervousness on his face as he looked down at his phone. “We’re past the danger period now, everything looks good.” I walked out of the examination room clutching the results. The woman was no longer outside. Zachary came over to meet me. “Finished so quickly?” I instinctively took a step back. Zachary never wore cologne; he knew I didn’t like the smell. But now, there was suddenly a faint sweet scent on him.

Zachary seemed to notice my reaction. He stopped where he was without coming closer, and asked about my test results. “Is everything okay? That’s great.” “Pregnancy is so tough, once the baby is born, I’ll take some time off and we’ll go on a trip together.” “Your appetite hasn’t been great lately, I’ll make you something fresh for dinner tonight.” On the way home, he chattered away. I responded to each comment. The car stopped at a red light. Zachary gripped the steering wheel, his fingers unconsciously fidgeting. “Honey, I might need to go on a business trip soon.” I turned my head to look at him. His hand suddenly tightened on the wheel, and he forced a smile. “To Africa. Once I’m done with work, I’ll look for some local folk art pieces for you.” As an antique restoration expert, those things naturally appealed to me. Zachary knew this – he had always been intimately familiar with my likes, dislikes and habits. So, it was actually quite strange that he had given me such a flashy necklace for Valentine’s Day. And it turned out to be identical to someone else’s. “When are you leaving?” “In two days, probably.” My phone buzzed. I looked up amid the sound of car horns. The light had suddenly turned green. The summer heat was intense. A fly crashed into the windshield, its abdominal patterns swirling and tangled. My stomach churned for no apparent reason. “Honey, are you alright? Do you want to go to the hospital?” The car pulled over to the side of the road. Zachary shielded me from the sun with his body while gently patting my back. He stared at me with concern, his face full of genuine worry. “I’ll tell the project lead to send someone else. I’ll stay home with you.” I looked up and smiled. “Go ahead, work is more important.” He pressed his lips together without saying more, and pulled out a pack of tissues from his pocket to hand to me. The texture was soft, with a sweet scent. “We ran out of the usual ones. I bought these at the convenience store when I stepped out to take the call. Didn’t realize they were scented.”

I asked Zachary to drop me off at my studio. I was feeling better, and it was time to continue working on the white porcelain bowl I had taken on recently. No one was allowed in my workspace, so Zachary waited outside. “I’ll come pick you up after work then.” The cicadas buzzed incessantly in the summer heat. I stood by the window watching his car drive away, my fingers sliding across my phone screen to dial Henry Zhang’s number. He was my mother’s former student who had joined the company with my father’s help, and later became Zachary’s assistant. Personnel changes were strictly regulated in government-invested companies, and there hadn’t been any new hires around Zachary recently. “There’s a new project bidding in Africa, and management arranged for him to lead the team.” After hanging up, I opened the summary of medical records sent by my friend at the hospital. That woman from today was completely ordinary, with no connection to Zachary whatsoever. In fact, she didn’t even seem to be Zachary’s type. I looked down at my belly. I’d heard that due to hormonal changes, pregnant women tend to become sensitive and suspicious. Was I overthinking things? To be fair, Zachary had been beyond reproach towards me. Last year, I took on a job that required a rare restoration material. He cancelled his work to accompany me on a trek through the mountains to find it. On the way, there was a landslide with mud and rocks pouring down. His first reaction was to hold me in his arms, using his body as a shield to protect me. Zachary was an only child from an average family who had lost his father early on. His mother really hoped he could have a child to carry on the family line. After we got married, when he brought it up to me, I casually replied, “Have you seen how difficult childbirth is?” He actually went and researched all kinds of information, learning about the risks of childbirth, and even specially experienced simulated labor pain. After that, he never mentioned children again. I don’t know how he persuaded his mother, but when I accompanied him home, no one brought up the subject to me either. Until that accident. That day, when he woke up in the hospital, I stroked the scars on his back and suddenly made up my mind to have a child with him. Zachary was silent for a long time, then held me tightly in his arms. He hugged me very close, but I couldn’t see the expression on his face.

After finishing gluing the entire bowl back together, I received a message from Zachary. He had to work overtime unexpectedly. The sun was setting outside, and the aging process couldn’t be completed in a short time either. My mother had once taught me that care and love in a marriage should be reciprocal, not just one person giving unilaterally. I ordered some of Zachary’s favorite dishes from our usual private kitchen restaurant and called a car to head to his office. On the way, I habitually opened my social media app. The homepage recommended a set of photos. I never follow celebrity gossip and didn’t recognize the actress in the photos. But the jewelry brand she was wearing looked familiar. It turned out that the necklace Zachary gave me was from a line she endorsed. As if possessed, I started searching for information about her. Former model, stage name Mia, started playing minor roles four years ago. Her resources suddenly improved last year, leading to her rise in popularity. The clouds merged with the setting sun, melting into gold. I opened the car window, letting in the cool evening breeze. It was on an evening like this last year when Zachary joined the board of directors and gained real power. My father opened a treasured bottle of wine to celebrate for him.

I called Neo. He was the client who commissioned the white porcelain bowl, and also the editor-in-chief of a well-known fashion magazine. Mia’s status wasn’t high enough to deal with him directly, but a top actress from her agency had recently been featured in his magazine. “She should have just finished filming a new drama recently. I heard she’s planning to vacation in Kenya in a few days.” “Why are you suddenly interested in celebrity gossip? Oh – she’s going to the same place as your husband.” The car stopped in front of Zachary’s company. I looked up. The office of the vice chairman was on the third floor in the center, now completely dark. Zachary, who claimed to be working overtime, was nowhere to be seen. “Where was she filming before?” Neo mentioned an obscure city name. I happened to have heard of it. Not long ago, Zachary went on a business trip there and brought me back an underglaze painted porcelain vase.

I found Mia’s latest gossip news. During a livestream to promote her drama, netizens noticed ambiguous red marks on her neck. CP fans went wild, while someone who seemed to be a solo fan of the male lead argued in the comments. [Have you all forgotten? Last year she was photographed going home with a man late at night.] My phone screen suddenly went black, reflecting my face in the dark glass. Like a cockroach lurking in a dark corner. Zachary’s call came in. “Honey, you’re not at the studio anymore?” The work tasks were urgent and heavy, but he couldn’t bear to keep me waiting, so he rushed over to pick me up as soon as he got off work. At that time, I was already on my way here, just missing him. The food delivered from the restaurant was still warm. Zachary made two more appetizers for me and a pot of borscht. “Honey, I’ve been thinking, you need someone by your side right now. I won’t go to Africa after all.” I lowered my head to drink the soup, but it felt like something was suddenly stuck in my throat. Half an hour ago, I had just asked Neo to arrange an interview with Mia. For this, she cancelled her travel plans to Kenya.

After dinner, while Zachary went to cut some fruit, I turned on the TV. Soon after, he came out carrying a fruit platter, looking somewhat guilty. “Honey, Director Liu just called—” A sweet female voice came from the TV. Almost at the same moment, Zachary turned his head. Mia’s face appeared on the screen. “What’s wrong?” He seemed mesmerized, not moving for a long time until I spoke up. “I know this actress.” He sat down next to me, casually slipping his phone into his pocket. “She was my junior in middle school. I didn’t expect her to become an actress later. Last year when she saw news about me, she even reached out asking for help.” “What kind of help?” “Networking. She didn’t have any background and was struggling in the industry.” He handed me a piece of peach. “Don’t worry, I didn’t agree. I know that Dad put in a lot of effort to get me to this position. I won’t let him down.” “I didn’t tell you because I was too busy at the time, and we only chatted briefly. I didn’t think much of it at all. I’m sorry, honey.” His tone was natural and open as he explained his relationship with Mia. In contrast, I was the one hiding and probing, like a petty person who couldn’t be brought into the light. “Lena.” He suddenly called my name. “I finally managed to marry you. Everything I have today is hard-earned. I cherish it very much.” He hugged me, his heart pressed close to my cheek. I smelled the familiar clean scent again, which was reassuring. That night, while Zachary was in the shower, I sat on the bed scrolling through my phone. A few years ago, I had registered an account on a social media platform where I occasionally posted about my daily life as an antique restorer, as well as some of my paintings. I had gradually accumulated tens of thousands of followers, and every time I opened the app, there were quite a few private messages. About an hour ago, one of my longtime followers had sent me a message. [Lena, I’m so upset. I’m sick, but my boyfriend stood me up to go be with another woman.] I suddenly turned my head to look at Zachary’s phone charging on the nightstand.

In the kitchen, Zachary took a phone call. When he came out with the fruit, he had actually wanted to tell me he needed to go back to work. In the end, I didn’t ask what made him choose to stay home instead. Similarly, I didn’t touch his phone either. Zachary knew better than anyone that I couldn’t tolerate even a speck of sand in my eye. If he had really done something he couldn’t let me know about, he wouldn’t leave any traces in plain sight. I don’t like to drag things out – it’s either all or nothing for me. “Honey, I want to go to Zen Cloud Temple on Saturday.” Zachary didn’t have to work on weekends, so he happily agreed. I got up early, leaving before sunrise. As the car passed through the highway toll booth, I received a message from Neo. He had already taken Zachary’s car keys and was on his way to Mia’s house. On the day we arranged the interview, Neo had suggested going to her home first to shoot some behind-the-scenes material, as I had requested. He was an expert in this field and easily convinced Mia. The ancient temple stood amidst layered mountains. I climbed the steps one by one. As the clouds parted and the mist cleared, Buddhist scriptures chanted, and the Ksitigarbha Bodhisattva’s statue looked solemn yet compassionate. The fortune slip fell to the ground. — Young love of wine and flowers, unlike the old feelings. “Do you want to draw another one?” Zachary bent down to help me up. I turned around. Dark clouds obscured the sun above, as if a heavy rain was coming. A few minutes ago, Neo had driven Zachary’s car out of Mia’s neighborhood. Whether going in or out, he wasn’t stopped once while driving Zachary’s car.

I contacted the fan who had commented on Mia’s Weibo post before. The original post containing photos of Mia and the mysterious man going home late at night could no longer be found. But based on the information she provided, I tracked down the gossip account that had posted it. They refused to disclose any information, saying they couldn’t afford to offend the person involved. What kind of person would have such great influence? Before I could figure it out, I saw my own name trending on social media.

I do antique restoration work and have indeed made a small name for myself in the industry. I’ve also dabbled a bit in the antiques and painting circles, but I’m really not connected to entertainment gossip at all. Several trending topics on Weibo in a row were clearly targeting me specifically. The gossip accounts not only released my information and social media accounts, but also directly attacked my family. My family had made their fortune through antique research generations ago, but my father’s generation had switched to real estate and no longer dealt with those items. The poster persisted, saying my family’s assets were questionable, and even the fairness of my mother’s position as a university professor was debatable. There was no real evidence, but their ability to set the tone and stir up emotions was strong. In the blink of an eye, my account was flooded. Amidst a sea of insults, there were even some unconventional voices accusing my family of using money and power to coerce aspiring youth, disregarding law and morality. I had a good idea who they were referring to, and found the whole thing rather absurd. After carefully screenshotting and saving the content, poster information, and comments, I prepared to call my parents to give them a heads up. When I returned to the main page, the posts that had been at the top suddenly dropped to the bottom. I wasn’t sure if Zachary would protect me, but I was certain he couldn’t do something like this. I sounded out my parents, then contacted a few well-connected friends, but they were all clueless. In the end, it was my childhood friend Sophia who provided me with a clue. “Are you still in touch with Gabriel Hughes?” Those three words were like pulling a trigger, setting off an underground explosion as memories came flooding back. Ah, Gabriel Hughes. If it was him, he certainly had that kind of power.

Zachary had a work dinner tonight. Worried that my pregnancy nausea would make me dislike the food our housekeeper Mrs. Wang cooked, he specially got off work early to come home and prepare dinner for me. “I asked Henry to come along to help me fend off some of the drinks.” Henry’s car was parked outside waiting. While Zachary was busy in the kitchen, I invited Henry to come in and sit for a while. “Who would have thought? The boss is so stern and decisive at work, but at home he puts on an apron. It’s only for you, sister-in-law.” “This tea has such a unique flavor. Is it another one you brought back from your travels, sister-in-law?” I smiled without answering, and poured him another cup. Every time Zachary went on a business trip, he would bring me gifts. Sometimes luxury items, other times local specialties. The time before last, he brought me back a tea set and some locally produced tea leaves. It was also that time when he first went out of contact late at night. I was so angry I immediately scheduled an abortion for the next day, and even considered divorce. Zachary rushed back overnight and brought Henry as a witness. He said that during those few hours they were unreachable, they had been forced to drink a lot and both passed out, not realizing their phones had died. “So—” I took a sip of tea, sweet with a hint of bitterness and endless aftertaste. “You’ve never had this tea before.” After Zachary and Henry left, I set out as well. I drove Zachary’s car straight to Mia’s neighborhood. As Neo had said, the parking gate lifted automatically, and the security guard at the entrance smiled and welcomed me home. I parked the car under a tree. My phone vibrated with a message from Zachary. [Honey, I’ve arrived.] He also sent a photo of the dinner party and the location. I didn’t open it, because a minute later, he got out of a car and headed straight for Mia’s villa. I watched as he lightly pressed his fingertip to the door lock. The fingerprint was recognized successfully, and he pulled the door open to enter. Dark clouds gradually gathered, and the air felt humid and oppressive. By the time I caught my breath, I was already standing at Mia’s front door. The smart lock looked incredibly familiar – it was the exact same model we used at home. I instinctively entered our home password – the date Zachary and I got together. The door opened.

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