Brotherly Bonds: A Tale of Regret and Longing

My step-brother Julian hates my guts. But I always cling to him. He paid me twenty thousand bucks to stop walking home with him after school, and two hundred thousand to transfer out of our class. But every single time, I found my way back to him. After college entrance exams, he wired a huge sum of money to my card, his voice ice-cold: “Here’s five million. Go study abroad. Just don’t ever show up at my house again.” My eyes welled up. I lowered my head and said, “Okay.” YES! He finally fell for it. **1** I caught Julian nearly kissing Chloe, a scholarship student. It was in a dimly lit private room. He was slumped wearily against the corner sofa, eyes closed, his elegant profile obscured by shadow. Chloe, in a white dress, stood beside him, hands braced on either side of his body, tentatively leaning in, getting closer. I suddenly pushed the door open. She jumped, spinning around frantically to face me. Her eyes were wide and watery, like a startled deer’s. “Daisy, I…” I walked past her, toward Julian. “The driver’s here for me. Mr. Evans told me to bring you home too, since I was heading out.” He grabbed the jacket beside him, slung it on, and followed me out. It was late, and the hallway was quiet. He pulled the door shut but didn’t leave. He leaned against it, standing there casually. “She almost kissed me.” “…” I didn’t say anything. His voice took on a hint of annoyance. “She’s really timid. It took a lot for her to even try that.” I unlocked my phone, showed him the time, and the message my stepfather had sent me, explaining softly. “Mr. Evans really did tell me to pick you up on my way.” He glanced at it, grunting dismissively. “Oh.” “I’m an adult now. College entrance exams are over. He can’t control me anymore. Complaining won’t do anything.” The shifting, garish lights from inside the room swept over him, illuminating his brows and eyes. His cheeks were a little flushed. He was drunk. I clutched my sleeve, my voice barely a whisper. “But…” He cut me off abruptly. “Go home by yourself.” “And –” His fingers tapped on his phone a few times. “Here’s five million. Go study abroad. Don’t ever show up at my house again.” “Let’s not see each other ever again.” “Daisy, I really hate you.” He never wanted to see me again. My eyes instantly filled with tears. I lowered my head, holding back a sob. “Okay.” ***PAYWALL*** Julian turned and walked back into the room, slamming the door shut with a thud. I double-checked the numbers on my mobile banking app. Finally, I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I squatted down, clapped my hand over my mouth, and let out muffled giggles. YES! He finally fell for it. **2** Julian had hated me for a long time. He thought my mom and I were only after the Evans family’s money. Well, he was pretty smart then. When he was fourteen, he put two geckos on my bed, trying to scare me into leaving his house. I burst into tears. To comfort me, Mr. Evans gave me extra allowance. Seeing the money, I cheered right up. When I was sixteen, Julian and I were assigned to the same high school. He didn’t want to be in the same class as me. And he didn’t want Mr. Evans to scold him and then comfort me again. So, he skipped all the usual steps. “Two hundred thousand.” “Transfer out of this class.” In freshman year, I left. In sophomore year, I went right back. He never specified a time limit. When I walked back into the classroom with my backpack, Julian’s face was dark. The guy in front of him chuckled. “Julian, your sister is really persistent.” Julian said coldly, “She’s not my sister.” Everyone exchanged knowing glances and chuckled. Julian looked at me, frowning. “What will it take for you to finally disappear from my sight?” My eyes reddened, “Do you really hate me that much?” He gestured with his hand, showing a number. I bit my lip. “Oops, sorry, I guess I came to the wrong class today.” **3** I realized I’d found a business opportunity. Julian was seriously loaded. His mom, who lived abroad, had paved every path for him. He’d play golf, and I’d be there, part of the “atmosphere crew,” bringing him water and his jacket. He confronted me about it. I looked up at him, my eyes sparkling. “I just admire my step-brother, is that not allowed?” He’d SnapChat me money. “If you have nothing to do, go shopping. Stop bothering me.” Well, I happily accepted. I stuck to Julian for over a year. Everyone knew he had this step-sister, and they even joked about us, saying they’d visit him at the orthopedic hospital next time. Eventually, Julian was too lazy to explain anymore. He just kept telling me to take the money and leave. But I wasn’t leaving my personal ATM. On Julian’s eighteenth birthday, he drank quite a bit. When he came home from the hotel, I held a bowl of hangover soup in one hand and helped him with the other. I hoped he’d be so drunk he’d see double and add an extra zero to the transfer. He squinted, looking down at me, and suddenly said. “Daisy, you’re truly cunning and manipulative.” There was a hint of sarcasm in his voice. My foot paused on the step. Getting insulted cost extra. He unexpectedly grabbed my waist, turned off the lights, and pressed me against the railing of the spiral staircase, kissing me. My vision instantly went dark. Only his magnified face was visible. His breathing was wild, like a storm. I pushed him away in shock. The bowl in my hand crashed to the floor, rolling down the stairs. Mr. Evans called from upstairs, “Daisy, what’s wrong?” I forced my voice steady, crying out plaintively as usual, “Julian’s drunk and throwing a tantrum, he broke my bowl.” Julian lowered his head, leaning against the railing, silent in the dim light. Mr. Evans sighed. “He’s like that. Gets crazy when he’s drunk. Don’t worry about him, go rest. I’ll help him.” I escaped back to my room. At 3 AM. Julian sent me a SnapChat. [I’m sorry.] [Didn’t see clearly, thought you were someone else.] It was the first time he ever apologized to me. But it felt like an insult. He attached a transfer. I didn’t accept it, and I didn’t reply. **4** I found out who that person was later. One of Julian’s admirers. Chloe Li, the scholarship student, who was consistently in the top ten of our grade. She was insecure and timid, only daring to look up at him from afar. But Julian, for some reason, noticed her. He said, “She’s like Daisy, always looking pitiful.” “Who are they trying to fool?” He hated me, yet he seemed to enjoy seeing Chloe act like that. After school, I was sitting in the car waiting for him. But then I saw a girl in a school uniform following him. The car door opened. He didn’t get in. He was holding her backpack, raising an eyebrow at me casually. “Get out.” I froze for a moment. Chloe carefully raised her hand, grabbing his arm and shaking it gently, her voice very soft. “It’s okay, Julian.” “I can go home myself.” Julian didn’t back down, his voice growing colder. “I’m taking her home.” “I’ve transferred the money to you. Get a cab yourself.” Why didn’t he give me enough to buy my own car to go home? Whatever. Don’t push your luck. I nodded awkwardly, biting my lip, clutching my backpack straps, and obediently got out of the car. It was dusk, and the crowds were dispersing. I stood alone by the roadside, staring at my shoelaces, tears falling one by one. Only after that car drove off in the opposite direction did I wipe away my tears and open Julian’s message. 20,000? Good thing I didn’t check the message in front of him. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have been able to cry so convincingly. **5** Julian’s five million came too late. I hadn’t prepared for the IELTS in advance, so I had to cancel most of my travel plans and gatherings, cooped up in my room memorizing vocabulary. Julian was downstairs, throwing a party with his friends. The music was blasting. I took off my headphones and walked downstairs. “Can you turn the volume down a bit?” One of Julian’s friends patted the empty seat beside him, smiling. “Daisy, you’re home? Why don’t you come join us?” I smiled, a little embarrassed. “I was upstairs memorizing words.” “Memorizing words?” Someone finally turned off the music, listening carefully to me. “I thought people who got ahead like that only existed online.” “Chloe’s here to party, you should too.” Julian didn’t look up the entire time. Chloe sat next to him, smiling sweetly at me. Then she looked as if she wanted to say something but held back. “Daisy, you’re not planning to re-take the exams, are you?” Chloe and I weren’t close. Her calling me so intimately meant things were getting serious between her and Julian. She continued, “It’s okay if you didn’t do well.” “Mr. Evans is so rich, you must have plenty of options.” Sensing the tension between us, everyone quieted down. I said softly, “Yes, my family is rich. It doesn’t matter how I score.” “Chloe, are you worried about not doing well?” Her face turned pale. Julian finally looked up, patting her hand reassuringly. “Daisy, don’t be so excessive with your words.” I nodded. “Okay.” “I’m going back to study. Please keep your voices down.” I put my headphones back on and walked up the stairs. A few gazes from behind felt like daggers in my back.

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