To buy Brendan a hearing aid, I worked three jobs a day. When my step-brother, Julian, found out, his eyes darkened, sharp and intense. “You’re working yourself to death for some guy. Are you planning on moving in with him?” I sneered, “None of your business.” Later, I overheard Brendan talking to his roommate. “Just pretending to be deaf to mess with that idiot. His measly cash? Who even cares about that, seriously, haha.” “He’s pretty, I’ll give him that. But I’m not into guys.” The guys burst into laughter. Someone asked him, “What if Alex finds out?” Brendan casually drawled, “He won’t. Even if he does, I’ll just sweet-talk him.” “My ear went deaf saving him, you know. All I have to do is say a few nice words, and he’ll melt.” Turns out, I was the only fool all along. I wanted to leave, but my step-brother grabbed my neck, pulling me close for a harsh kiss. My voice trembled as I challenged him, “…What do you mean by that?” His voice was low and rough. “I mean, I want to *take* you.”
Standing outside Brendan’s dorm, I felt a heavy silence. I raised my hand to knock, then lowered it again. The voices from inside continued. “Just pretending to be deaf to mess with that idiot, that’s all.” “And liking guys? Not really my thing.” The guys suddenly laughed. After a moment. Someone asked him, “What if Alex finds out?” Brendan lit a cigarette, his voice casual. “He won’t. Even if he does, I’ll just sweet-talk him a bit.” “My ear went deaf saving him, you know. All I have to do is say a few nice words, and he’ll melt.” Brendan’s ear was accidentally damaged while saving me, which is why I felt guilty and wanted to make it up to him. So, I picked up several part-time jobs, working nonstop to earn money. I lost over ten pounds in a month, all just to save up for his hearing aid. I never thought I was the only fool. Now, I’d finally saved up enough cash. Brendan’s hearing loss was faked. His poverty was faked too. He played me like a fiddle. “Brendan, if you don’t like guys, why did you even get with him? This kid, he looks a bit girly-looking, but he is pretty. Still, thinking he’s a guy just makes me… totally turned off.” “Is being gay really that fun?” Brendan chuckled from inside. “It’s great! Don’t you think Alex is overly obedient?” His roommates roared with laughter. “Isn’t that because you’re such a good trainer, Brendan? I heard you asked Alex to move in with you last week, and he refused, right?” Last week, Brendan suddenly suggested we move in together, but I said no. Brendan was really upset. I had to sweet-talk him for three days before he finally bothered to talk to me again. At the mention of it, Brendan bit on his cigarette, mumbling a reply. “Yeah.” “He said he doesn’t want to live together right now.”
Someone teased. “Brendan, you’re thinking about it all wrong. Those people play all sorts of games. Alex is probably just playing hard to get. Ask him a few more times, and he’ll definitely agree.” I scoffed. Like hell I would. I kicked the door open. Silence instantly fell inside. Brendan still had a cigarette dangling from his mouth, and he froze when he saw me. The guy who’d just been talking about me was the first to react. Grinning, he said, “Alex, here to see Brendan again? You two are so close.” Brendan finally came to his senses. He put out his cigarette and asked me softly, “Why are you suddenly here?” I flung the wad of cash right into his face. I raised my hand and smacked him hard across the face. Brendan was stunned. His two roommates were frozen too. They hadn’t expected me to hit him. “Alex, what the hell is wrong with you?!” The guy closest to Brendan swore at me. I ignored him. I just stared at Brendan. I might look thin, but I’m still a guy. Brendan stumbled back a couple of steps from my blow. He covered his face, looking at me in disbelief. I gave a light, bitter laugh. “Brendan, you must have worked really hard pretending to be deaf and playing with a fool like me.” “You don’t have to pretend anymore.” Brendan’s face was pale as he tried to explain, but he couldn’t find the words. Looking at the money scattered on the floor. I said, “Consider this money compensation for you. After all, it must be hard liking men when you don’t.” “You must have been truly wronged.” 2. Brendan thought he could sweet-talk me like always. He didn’t expect me to block him on every single platform. He got angry too. He didn’t send me any more messages. In the past, whenever Brendan and I had a fight, I was always the one who gave in first. This time, Brendan also expected me to back down and smooth things over. Then we’d be back to normal. But he was wrong. My heart was really hardened. I wasn’t going to go back and coax him. A week passed. Brendan couldn’t take it anymore. He came to my dorm to find me. But my roommates told him I’d already moved out. Brendan froze. I wasn’t looking for him, but he blocked my path himself. The cafeteria was crowded. Brendan stood in front of me. “Move.” I said coldly. Brendan pursed his lips and looked at me for a long moment, then finally stepped aside. I found a table and sat down. I’d barely had two bites when Brendan sat across from me. “Alex, I was wrong to lie to you, but I’ve already apologized. What more do you want?” Brendan was used to being the spoiled rich kid I always pampered. He thought sending a couple of apology messages was enough to show sincerity. I lifted my eyes, sneering. “Brendan, do you still think we’re just having an argument?” Brendan flinched. He thought I was just angry he lied, so I was upset. But that sweet-talking me would fix it. He thought I was easy to appease because I used to feel guilty about him; I felt for him. So no matter how angry I got, I’d just swallow it. And tell him: “Don’t make me mad again next time.” Under Brendan’s gaze, I said slowly, word by word: “We’re over, you asshole.”
Brendan and I were middle school classmates. I never expected to meet him again in college. And in the same major, too. When he saw me in class, Brendan actually rubbed his eyes several times. As if he couldn’t believe I was there. In middle school, I was pushed aside because I was too pretty, too delicate-looking. So I didn’t talk much. Simply put, I was extremely introverted. Someone even called me an autistic orphan once. After the high school entrance exam, I moved. I went to another city for school. Brendan approached me like he’d found a kindred spirit, striking up a conversation. When he talked about middle school, he always looked embarrassed. “Alex, I was really ignorant back then. I’m sorry!” I didn’t know what Brendan was apologizing for. After all, Brendan hadn’t cursed at me like the others back then. Once we got to know each other, Brendan often came to my dorm. That day, my other roommates were all out, so I just decided to watch a gay movie. I didn’t know when Brendan arrived. When our eyes met, he looked really awkward. He stammered out, “You like guys?” Afraid he’d been too blunt. He quickly changed his wording, “I mean, not many people watch these kinds of movies…” I admitted it openly. “Yeah, I like guys.” “Oh.” Brendan didn’t say anything else. He just accidentally bumped into the door as he left.
Brendan avoided me for a month. Then he awkwardly sought me out to talk. “It’s really nothing to like guys, it’s all the same.” That was the first thing Brendan said in our chat. He thought he was comforting me. But what’s wrong with me liking guys? I don’t owe anyone anything. Even now, I don’t owe anyone anything. This meal was clearly not going to be enjoyed. When I left, Brendan kept following me. We reached the campus gate. Brendan strode forward and asked, “Why did you suddenly move out?” From that angle, I could see a small scar on Brendan’s right ear. That was before Brendan and I were together. I’d had a small conflict with someone else. They were pissed off, so they ambushed me on my way back for revenge. When Brendan arrived, I was being held down and beaten. He fought those guys like a maniac. But he was just one person. Outnumbered, Brendan got pretty beat up. When his right ear was hit, it immediately started bleeding. Those guys panicked when they saw Brendan fall. They just wanted to teach me a small lesson, not kill anyone. They ran off. Back then, Brendan went deaf. Completely unable to hear. Seeing Brendan’s questioning look, I took a step back, putting distance between us. “It’s none of your business.”
When I got home, someone was sitting in the living room. My… step-brother. Julian hadn’t even had time to change out of his work clothes; it was clear he’d rushed straight from the office. I frowned slightly. “What are you doing here?” Julian’s calm eyes met mine, completely unruffled. He placed the book he’d been casually flipping through back in its spot. He looked me up and down. “You’ve lost weight.” Julian didn’t seem to pay attention to my question. I put down my backpack. Julian handed me a glass of water. I took it and drank it all. Only then did Julian say, “Came to see you.” I lowered my gaze, sitting on the sofa. “There’s nothing to see.” The room fell silent. The tiny old house occasionally filled with the chirping of small insects. It was a bit grating. Julian looked completely out of place here. “I bought you an apartment near your university. Move in this weekend.” I just noticed the keys on the table. After staring at them for a while, I slowly looked away. “No, thanks. I’m fine living here.” “Move in.” Julian said, leaving no room for argument. I looked up, staring at Julian. Word by word, I said, “I told you, I don’t want to move there.”
“Why?” I didn’t want to owe his family anything. And I didn’t want to spend Julian’s money. I didn’t want to owe their family *anything*. And I definitely didn’t want to hear outsiders say things like, “My mom brought that dead weight kid with her when she remarried, he’s just going to fight for the inheritance.” That’s why I earned all my tuition and living expenses myself. Any money they gave me, I returned it without touching it. My throat worked, but before I could figure out what to say. I heard Julian’s voice, overly calm, ring out. “Is it because of that guy? Working three jobs a day for him, and now living off-campus, are you planning to move in with him?” Julian stared intently at me. No matter how lightly he spoke. I still caught a hint of something unusual in his tone. I looked away. Avoiding his gaze. “…None of your business.” My relationship with Julian wasn’t exactly good. But it wasn’t bad enough for us to be at each other’s throats. Just average. Julian didn’t say anything else. Soon, my brows furrowed again. “How do you know all this about me? Are you spying on me?!” Julian smirked, his eyes calm. “Do I need to spy?” Right. A piece of baggage like me, everything I do gets spread around the fastest. Especially going to a part-time job. Upper-crust society, always a damn nuisance. Since Julian knew, I didn’t care anymore. “Are you afraid I’ll embarrass your family?” I didn’t mean to say that, but I couldn’t help it. When Julian left, he didn’t take the apartment keys from the table. I looked at them for a moment. In the end, I tossed them into a drawer.
After breaking up with Brendan, I naturally didn’t have to work so many part-time jobs. I had a lot more free time. Brendan came looking for me repeatedly. It was useless. I didn’t want to deal with him at all. He stuck to me like a clingy leech. “…Alex, why are you avoiding me?” Brendan blocked my path, a stubborn look on his face. “That day, I said the wrong thing… I’m sorry, but you should give me a chance to explain.” Oh. Even his apologies were high and mighty, the spoiled rich kid. Damn it. Why didn’t I realize Brendan was such an asshole before? Or does breaking up just make it clear that an asshole is an even bigger asshole? I stared at him. I couldn’t help but scoff. “Brendan, humans get a chance to explain. Dogs don’t.” Brendan gritted his teeth: “Alex, that’s not fair…” I looked coldly at Brendan. “What’s fair? You say it’s not fair because I won’t give you a chance to explain? Brendan, do you really think you’re some main character?” “When you saw me working part-time for your ear, putting up with all those creepy customers touching me, just to get you a hearing aid, did you feel a huge sense of accomplishment?” “Did you think I suffered so much for you, was so good to you, that I was head over heels in love with you, huh?” “Did talking about playing me behind my back satisfy your vanity?” “Brendan, you’re a real asshole.” With every word I spoke, Brendan’s face grew paler. After a long moment, Brendan squeezed out a single sentence through gritted teeth, “I’m sorry.” What good is ‘sorry’? I scoffed coldly. A car parked on the street honked twice. I instinctively looked over. I saw Julian’s icy face. Julian got out of the car and walked straight towards me. My heart skipped a beat. No way? Did he come specifically to catch me? “Alex.” Julian stopped beside me. “Why did it take so long today?” Brendan’s gaze had been scrutinizing Julian. I glanced at Brendan. And just went along with Julian’s words. “Class ran a bit late.” Julian hummed, his gaze falling on Brendan, and asked me: “And this is…” Brendan seemed to snap out of it. Before I could speak, he cut Julian off. “I’m Brendan, his boyfriend!”
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