From the moment I could remember, Mom called me a slut. She’d say I was shameless, always trying to seduce my own father, stealing my mom’s man. She’d curse me for being indecent, dressing like a tramp, always trying to pick up any guy I met. The night before my college entrance exams, I called her, begging for help. “Mom, please save me!” All I got in response was the cold, unfeeling sound of a busy signal. She’d hung up on me. A cold, desolate smirk twisted my lips. I looked at the man behind me, his hands reaching out, contorted in a grotesque leer. I turned, and leaped from the high-rise building. Yet, my mom, who had always hated me, went completely insane after learning of my death. She dragged the killer, frantic, demanding he join me in my grave. Perhaps my obsession was too deep; my soul didn’t dissipate after I died. I watched my own body, shattered and broken from the fall. Yet, an inexplicable joy bubbled up inside me. I was dead. Mom could finally be happy, right? After all, she’d always loathed me, never once showing affection. She had accused me more than once of being manipulative, saying she’d only find peace once I was dead. Now, her wish had come true. I drifted towards the house, hoping for one last glimpse of my mom. Even if she didn’t love me. I don’t know how much time passed, but I finally arrived at the home I hadn’t stepped foot in for ages. Mom was just as I remembered, quietly reading a book, radiating a gentle warmth. I stood there, frozen, terrified of disturbing the scene. I’d forgotten I was dead, afraid to even breathe too loudly. It had been so long since I’d seen Mom not in a rage. The few times I did see her, I had to carefully hide myself, peeking from a distance. Mom, in my memories, had endless reprimands for me, and an unquenchable anger. Over time, I slowly understood that she didn’t like me. I pushed down my disappointment, trying my best in everything, hoping to win her favor. But no matter how much I did, I was eventually cast out of the house. A sharp ache stung my eyes. But I couldn’t blink away tears like I used to. My voice trembled as I carefully called out to her. “Mom.” Mom looked up, her gaze sweeping in my direction. There was no trace of the disgust I was so used to, just simple confusion in her eyes. It was the look I had yearned for every time I called her name. My breath hitched, and my eyes widened involuntarily. Mom, could she see me? But instead of meeting my hopeful gaze, Mom looked right past me. “What is it, Mrs. Jenkins?” My body stiffened, and I let my hand fall, crestfallen. Right. I was already dead, just a lonely ghost now. How could Mom possibly see me? “Mr. Vance said there’s an urgent matter at the company; he needs to travel out of state. He asked you to go to bed early, ma’am.” Mrs. Jenkins delivered the message but didn’t leave, hesitating before asking quietly. “Ma’am, tomorrow is Lily’s college entrance exams. Do you… want to call her and give her some encouragement?” Hearing Mrs. Jenkins’ words, I lifted my bowed head, a flicker of light reigniting in my eyes. Even knowing how unlikely it was, I clung to that tiny shred of hope. What if? What if, deep down, Mom still cared about me? But quickly, that fragile, unrealistic fantasy shattered. Mom slammed her book shut, her face etched with impatience. “Her? What could I possibly have to say to her?” The more Mom spoke, the angrier she became, venting her disgust for me to Mrs. Jenkins. “You know what she’s done! Shameless! How could she even think of seducing her own father!” “She’s almost eighteen, and I have no further obligation to raise her! Our paths split long ago, and we have nothing to do with each other now!” Mrs. Jenkins tried to defend me. “Lily isn’t that kind of person… Perhaps there was a misunderstanding about what happened?” Mom looked as if she’d heard something utterly unbelievable. She slapped the table hard, stood up, and shouted. “Misunderstanding?! Putting her underwear in her father’s bag—isn’t that blatant seduction?!” “I’m her mother, how could I not know what kind of person she is?! That manipulative little witch is a master at charming people, you’ve just been fooled by her looks!” I lowered my eyes, a sharp pain piercing deep within my chest. Strange. Does a dead heart still hurt? I exhaled with difficulty. Lily Vance, you knew this all along, didn’t you? In Mom’s eyes, you were nothing but a hussy, seducing her husband.
The next day was my college entrance exams. If everything hadn’t happened. I should have been with my classmates, passing through security, and sitting in the exam hall. Mom’s phone rang, pulling me from my daze. She answered, and I heard the voice of my homeroom teacher from the other end. “Hello, is this Lily Vance’s mother? The exam starts in less than half an hour, and Lily isn’t here yet? Has something happened?” My spirit trembled, a surge of uncontrollable hope. Mom, please call me. Even if your voice is filled with annoyance, I don’t care. As I gazed at her with hopeful eyes, Mom frowned, her face full of impatience. “If Lily Vance didn’t go, then she didn’t go. Why are you calling me?!” “Teacher, just leave her alone. That wretched girl has always been a Jezebel, obsessed with seducing men. If she skipped the exam, she’s probably off with some guy.” The teacher was taken aback by Mom’s words and tried to defend me. “Mrs. Vance, Lily is always an excellent student, never causes trouble; she’s a model student. Our teachers all really like Lily; she couldn’t possibly be like you say…” Hearing the teacher’s words, I carefully watched Mom’s expression. Even if she didn’t care, I always pushed myself to get good grades. It was my way of showing Mom that all I wanted was to succeed and make her proud, never to attract boys. But Mom suddenly flew into a rage at the teacher’s words, interrupting her loudly. “Teacher, how could even you be fooled by that little girl?! I’m her mother, I know what she’s thinking!” “Lily Vance is a demon, a mistress who’s been trying to steal my husband since the day she was born!” “I kicked her out of the house long ago, and I never want to see her again. Whatever happens to her has nothing to do with me! Don’t call me about her anymore!” It felt like countless sharp thorns sprouted in my heart, piercing my chest and throat. I doubled over in pain, curling into a ball. My eyes burned with a terrible sting, but no tears would come out. Even after I died, did Mom still think I was dirty? As far back as I could remember, Mom never showed me affection, always watching me with a scrutinizing gaze. As a small, clueless child, I cried, wanting Mom and Dad to hug me, but she slapped me to the floor. “You cry if you’re a step away from your dad, you’re truly a demon reborn! How could I have given birth to a daughter like you!” Mom’s best friend, Sarah Miller, called out to her and carried me away. I clutched Sarah’s clothes, sobbing. “A-auntie, why… why doesn’t Mom like me?” “Your mom… she suffered from postpartum depression after you were born. It’s not that she doesn’t like you. Lily, don’t overthink it. She’ll be better once she recovers.” I believed her, thinking Mom would love me once she was well. But I waited and waited, for so many years. And that day never came.
The next day after I died, Sarah Miller called. Her frantic voice came through the phone. “Eleanor, has Lily called you? She’s missing!” “Her phone is off, and she didn’t leave me a note. I’ve looked everywhere I can think of!” Hearing Sarah Miller’s voice, my throat constricted. Mom had always despised me, but Sarah Miller had always treated me like her own daughter. Hearing her voice, all the grievances I’d bottled up came flooding out. Mom didn’t care; she scoffed. “How could even you be fooled by her little tricks? I stopped playing those games when I was three.” “Don’t think playing missing will make me erase the past! And don’t you dare cover for her, trying to fool me together.” Sarah Miller cried out angrily. “Eleanor, Lily is your daughter! How can you not be worried at all? It’s so dangerous out there now; what if someone did something to her…” Mom snorted coldly, cutting Sarah Miller off. “Wouldn’t that just be what that wretched girl wanted? If you still consider me your friend, don’t ever mention her to me again!” She hung up, ignoring Sarah Miller’s reaction. Mom sat on the bed, fuming for a while, then unblocked me from her contact list. “Where the hell did you go! Not a word, and now so many people are asking me about you! Do you have any idea how much trouble you’ve caused me?!” After she sent the message, the chat screen remained silent for a long time. When I was alive, I would always reply to Mom’s messages instantly. But this time, I couldn’t. Watching Mom’s expression grow increasingly agitated, my eyes pleaded. Mom, please, just wonder. I didn’t deliberately hide to try and blackmail you into fixing our mother-daughter relationship. But Mom couldn’t see me, couldn’t hear my silent plea. She lost her patience, furrowed her brow, and angrily sent a voice message. “So you’ve found a man and dropped the act, huh? Fine, then don’t ever call me ‘Mom’ again! As far as I’m concerned, I don’t have a daughter!” Mom threw her phone violently onto the bed. I cowered in the corner, clutching my chest. Mom, when will you ever believe me? I was never, never that kind of person.
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