On my birthday, I found a hidden playlist on Liam’s phone. It was titled: “Lost.” And the cover? His ex-girlfriend’s picture. He’d lost the girl he loved most. For three years, while we were together, Liam never truly forgot her. I was just a distraction for his loneliness. A compromise. A habit. Right in front of me, Liam deleted the playlist, his voice flat. “Happy now?” I stayed silent. He dismissively ruffled my hair. “That’s enough, Chloe.” “Be a good girl. I’ll take you home to meet my parents for the holidays, okay?” But Liam, I was going home for the holidays to get married. … Seeing my stunned face, Liam’s lips curled into a playful smirk. He flicked my forehead. “What, speechless? So happy you’ve gone silly?” We’d been together for three years, and he rarely even introduced me to his friends, let alone his family. I was genuinely surprised, taking a moment to speak. “I already told my parents for the holidays, they…” They’d set me up on a blind date. “Forget it if you don’t want to go.” Liam cut me off, casually. He was always like that – uninterested in anything about me, never patient enough to hear me out. Maybe my reaction wasn’t what he expected, and it annoyed him. He mechanically wished me a happy birthday. Liam grabbed his jacket and left, not even touching the cake. “I’m heading out.” I hummed, not clinging to him or begging him to stay a little longer, like I usually would. Liam paused at the door, glancing back at me. I was already clasping my hands, eyes closed, making a wish, completely absorbed in myself. He slammed the door shut. The deafening bang was followed by an eerily stretched silence. A little empty, but surprisingly, not sad. The sky slowly darkened. I looked in the mirror at my perfectly applied makeup and the outfit I’d carefully chosen. It felt like a waste not to use them. I met Harper, my best friend, at a trendy new bar nearby. After a few rounds, she leaned in, her voice serious. “You know, Seraphina is coming back to town.” That name hit me like a hammer blow straight to my chest. Seraphina. Liam’s ex-girlfriend, the one he hadn’t forgotten in five years. All our countless fights, silent treatments, and breakups, they were all because of her. She didn’t even need to be physically present; her existence was a thorn, tearing me apart. Liam said couple avatars were childish, but he used them with Seraphina. Liam disliked public displays of affection, but his old Ins profile picture and bio were all about her. The same starry nights we shared on campus, he’d already had with her in high school. The meals he cooked for me were always her favorite flavors. He complained about picking me up from the train station, yet he used to take six extra bus stops just to walk her home. … I’d pieced together their past from every little hint, every crumb of evidence. Again and again, I’d fall into endless self-torment and doubt. Was I not good enough? Not pretty enough? Not someone he could be proud of? Was that why he treated me this way? Across the table, Harper looked at me, her eyes full of pity. “Just today, I heard Liam went to the airport to pick her up.” “My Jax wanted me to keep it from you, so you wouldn’t fight again…” My best friend and Liam’s best friend were also a couple. Their relationship was solid; they were seriously talking marriage. “Chloe, what are you going to do? Are you going to keep dragging this out?” “I told you long ago you two weren’t a match. You’re such a catch, why waste yourself on a man who doesn’t love you?” I lowered my eyes, sipping my drink. “Why else? Stubbornness, I guess.” But this time, no matter how stubborn I was, it was time to let go. There was no dramatic breakup. Just me, slowly detoxing, peeling myself away from this relationship. Turns out, real goodbyes are always quiet. 2 In the early hours of the morning, Harper’s boyfriend picked her up. “Oh, my little wild child, how did you get so drunk…? By the way, Chloe, are you okay alone? Or maybe…” I smiled, waving him off. I didn’t quite catch what he said next before my stomach lurched. I used to envy their relationship so much. Why couldn’t Liam and I be that sweet, that in love? Why? Simply because he wasn’t that into me. Liam had told me himself that he wasn’t interested in the overly affectionate, clingy type. But he still got together with me. I thought I was special, but it turns out he was just lonely. After what felt like an eternity, a familiar voice, one that shouldn’t have been there, reached my ears. I lifted my head, my vision blurred. Liam was helping an elegant woman in a trench coat and high heels. “Seraphina, wait for me a moment, I’m picking someone up.” I crouched by the roadside, quietly watching Liam carefully steady her. Then he pulled out his phone and dialed a number. The next second, my phone rang. He looked over, following the sound. His face, in the dim night, was unreadable. Our gazes locked for a long moment. I didn’t rush into his arms and act cute like I usually did when drunk. He was the one who spoke first, calling my name. “Chloe.” “Hmm?” “Do you have anything to tell me?” I thought about it. “No.” Liam walked closer, looking down at me. I finally noticed his brows were furrowed. I couldn’t tell what he was annoyed about. “Then let’s go.” Liam grabbed me, pulling me into the car without a word. He didn’t say anything else. He didn’t care why I was so drunk. And I didn’t question him about the woman beside him. The silence in the car was unsettling. Seraphina observed me through the rearview mirror. Her cheeks were flushed, a perfect hint of tipsiness. “Liam, I’m feeling a little dizzy.” Liam rolled down the window for fresh air, his voice helpless, laced with a tenderness I’d never heard before. “Always pushing yourself when you can’t even drink.” Seraphina chuckled, her words hinting at something. “Well, my mood’s good today, so a little drink won’t hurt, right?” “After all this time, why are you still so controlling?” They were high school classmates, from the same hometown. They broke up less than three months after getting together because of the long distance in college. The first time I sensed Seraphina’s presence was when I found Liam’s old QQ password was her initials. He said he hadn’t used it in a long time and forgot to change it. Initially, I didn’t think much of it. Everyone has a past, right? Just an ex-girlfriend he’d dated for three months. They had even broken up two years before he and I got together. I never thought I’d lose to her. But actually, the moment I subconsciously started comparing myself to her, I had already lost. They chatted about old times, you and I, back and forth, while I sat in the backseat like a ghost. The wind howled through the open window. Outside, the city streets, which I’d seen countless times, flew by in reverse. As we passed the shopping mall, the movie theater’s sign was still lit. Liam and I had watched our first movie there. I remembered being so sleepy in the car after the movie. My hand, hanging at my side, accidentally brushed his. Liam thought I was asleep and secretly held my hand the whole way home. My heart had pounded the entire ride. Fuzzy memories, like fragments of a dream, flashed through my mind. They were all from the暧昧期 (ambiguous period) before we made it official. When I loved Liam the most, I used to wish I had met him first. Later, when I was hurt the deepest, I wished I had never met him at all. Now, I didn’t want to think about anything. When I vaguely opened my eyes, we were at my doorstep. Seraphina was no longer in the car. Liam’s fingers, resting on the car window frame, held a cigarette, its cherry glowing faintly. “Chloe,” he asked, “was that necessary?” I sat up straight, not understanding. “I spent time with you today, didn’t I? Did you really have to pull this stunt tonight?” Liam’s voice was low and deep, suppressing an unknown anger. I didn’t know what he was mad about. After much thought, it must be because I’d interrupted his long-awaited reunion with his idealized ex. “I didn’t ask you to pick me up.” He scoffed. “Oh, so you getting this wasted, looking like a total mess, was for ghosts?” “I’m not drunk,” I said softly. “Even if you hadn’t come, someone else would have taken me home.” 3 Liam raised an eyebrow, his tone mocking. “Who? Some random guy you just met at the bar?” He eyed me up and down. “Chloe, can you stop being so childish? You’re dressed like that, out there… don’t you know what those guys are after?” “If I hadn’t come, you would’ve ended up getting ‘picked up’.” “If you want me to care about you, can you stop using such stupid methods?” I used to get myself drunk, hoping to see a flicker of concern for me in his eyes. But I wasn’t that foolish anymore. “Liam, you’re overthinking it.” Liam didn’t believe me, his frown deepening. “You know I hate it when girls drink. I don’t have time to baby you.” Maybe the alcohol numbed my nerves, making the pain less acute. Or maybe, I genuinely just didn’t care anymore. “Next time, even if Jax calls me, I’ll pretend I didn’t see it.” “Okay.” I turned, walking steadily upstairs on my own. The hangover headache kept me in bed until late morning the next day. My phone had several unread messages. None from Liam. He rarely texted me first, but every time my phone buzzed, I always hoped it was him. Eventually, I just put him on ‘do not disturb’. That way, I wouldn’t get my hopes up. Harper sent me a screenshot: Seraphina’s Ins story from last night. No ambiguous text, just a casually snapped photo of the moon. Liam, who never liked posts, instantly liked hers. And commented: “Goodnight.” The doorbell suddenly rang. I opened the door and saw Liam standing outside. For a moment, I wondered if I was still half-asleep. “What are you doing here?” Perhaps the surprise on my face was too obvious; Liam’s lips curved, and he reached out to pinch my cheek. “Here, for you.” I silently looked at the hangover medicine in the bag. He was still like this, hot and cold, impossible to figure out. Too tired to bother figuring out why, I took it and politely said thanks. “That’s it?” Liam leaned against the doorframe, his initially smiling dark eyes slowly darkening. “Is there anything else?” I asked. Breaking character, he actually explained, “I picked her up yesterday because she didn’t know anyone else in town.” I hummed, “That makes sense.” Liam stared at my face as if trying to see through me. “Chloe, she and I are over. We’re just friends now.” “You don’t need to be mad at me.” “I booked a restaurant. I’ll take you out for dinner later, to make up for your birthday yesterday.” I shook my head. “No need. It’s already passed. Nothing to make up for.” “Besides, I already have plans today.” Liam looked a little taken aback. He clearly hadn’t expected me to refuse a chance to go out with him. His face turned cold. “Whatever you want.” But I never expected such bad luck. Liam had booked a table at the same restaurant as me. Beside him, Seraphina blinked, asking softly, “Liam, isn’t that your girlfriend, eating with another guy?” Liam and my eyes met in the air, then quickly darted away. He glanced at the man across from me, impeccably dressed in a suit, seemingly unconcerned. “What’s it to me?” Seraphina laughed, a hint of subtle triumph in her voice. “Aren’t you jealous?” “Back then, if I even talked to a male classmate for too long, you’d corner him after school and warn him to stay away from me.” “I called you the king of jealousy, and you’d get so mad.” You only get jealous if you care. Liam wouldn’t even bat an eye if he saw me sharing an umbrella with a male friend. He was an unmoving mountain, never changing his stance for me. Never reacting. However, that night, that long-dormant profile picture suddenly popped up with a question mark: “?” “Is that your new guy?” “Did you really meet him at the bar?” “Chloe, you’ve got some nerve.”
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