Warm as ever

I broke his heart the year Caleb loved me most. Six years later, he came back to this city. Mom suddenly found him, asking urgently, “Did Hazel come back with you? How is she doing? Can I see her?” He scoffed, a bitter, hollow sound. “That woman you’re so worried about? She ran off with some sugar daddy years ago.” His resentment towards me hadn’t faded an inch. But what he didn’t know was that the day he left the country, I had already died. 1 When Caleb returned, every major platform was live-streaming his arrival. The once ordinary boy was now a skyrocketing tech mogul. I stood beside Mom, watching him emerge from the airport through the phone screen. Mom happily clutched her phone. “Caleb is back! That boy made something of himself, so many people are filming him!” I couldn’t help but feel a surge of joy myself. Caleb’s stunning looks and distinguished aura had garnered him countless fans. The live chat and comment sections were flooded with adoration. Everyone swooned, wondering who could ever be lucky enough to have a man like him. Even a fleeting moment with him would be enough. Reading those words, a strange sadness washed over me. Even after all these years, countless memories of Caleb still flickered in my mind. My heart ached, a sharp, constant throb that screamed one undeniable truth: I still loved him. Snapping back to reality, I looked at Caleb’s familiar face and suddenly felt a profound distance. When the live stream ended, Mom stared at the screen, her whole body radiating sorrow, tears silently streaming down her face. She touched the screen aimlessly. “Why did it end? Where’s my Hazel? Why didn’t they show my Hazel? Did my Hazel not come back with Caleb?” She frantically started calling my phone. It was always either busy or went straight to voicemail. Because the person on the other end wasn’t me, but Briar’s friend abroad. Briar, busy in the kitchen, heard Mom’s distress and rushed out, putting down her cutting board. She had known Caleb was returning today. And she knew about the live stream. No matter how hard she tried to hide it, she never expected Mom to hear about it from other neighborhood ladies. Left with no choice, she had to open the live stream for Mom. Unsure how to face the situation, she retreated to the kitchen, her ears constantly straining to catch any sound from the living room. Six years ago, Briar had held my urn alone, setting up my headstone. Mom’s health was fragile, and Briar feared she couldn’t handle the shock of my death. So, she lied, claiming I had been living abroad with Caleb all these years. She got a new phone number and, on holidays, pretended to be me sending messages to Mom. She gently embraced Mom, whose hair was now streaked with white. “Hazel might have things to handle abroad…” Briar trailed off, simply too exhausted. Juggling three jobs to pay off debts, caring for our mom, and constantly maintaining this elaborate lie. Her forehead rested on Mom’s shoulder, tears streaming down her face. Floating beside them, all I could feel was self-blame. I couldn’t do anything, not even speak to them; it felt like an impossible luxury. 2 But I never expected Mom to find Caleb’s address. She missed me too much. After failing to reach me by phone, she thought seeing me through Caleb would be enough. Since it was a gated community, hard to get into, she applied for a cleaning job, hoping to sneak in. She was vibrant and cheerful every day, and Briar thought Mom had found new friends and was feeling happy. I watched from the side, anxious and helpless. All I could do was pray she wouldn’t find Caleb. But when I accompanied her to Caleb’s front door, a sliver of hope ignited in my heart. Had Caleb forgotten me? Or did he still hate me? Mom pressed the doorbell. The butler came out, and seeing Mom’s attire, a flicker of disdain crossed his eyes. “We don’t need your services in this area.” Mom’s mind was solely focused on me; she didn’t notice his expression. She smiled politely. “Hello, I’d like to see Caleb.” Hearing Caleb’s name, the butler gave Mom another once-over, then turned to go back inside. Mom shouted “Thank you!” after his retreating back, believing the butler would pass on her message. Instead, several house staff emerged, brooms in hand, shooing Mom away from the entrance. She, who once lived a life of luxury, had never faced such blatant disrespect. Watching this scene, I tried to grab her hand to pull her away. I tried again and again. My hand simply passed right through hers. A sharp pang hit my chest, and my eyes welled up. Mom didn’t leave. She stubbornly settled in an unnoticed corner. She had come all this way, she wasn’t going to leave just like that. She was determined to wait for Caleb here. I stayed by her side, keeping vigil. I couldn’t help but think of when I was little, waiting with Mom on the living room sofa for Dad to come home. Only then, we were happy. Now, there was only a chilling emptiness. As dusk fell, a car finally pulled into Caleb’s driveway. Mom hastily got up and hurried toward it. She saw Caleb emerge from the garage from the doorway. Most of his face was hidden in shadow. Looking at him from a distance, he felt utterly unfamiliar. “Caleb! I’m Hazel’s mom! Caleb!” Mom shouted excitedly, her voice cracking, afraid Caleb hadn’t heard her. Caleb paused for a moment, then continued walking as if he hadn’t heard anything. Maybe he really had forgotten me. This realization sent a tremor through my heart. Mom didn’t understand why Caleb was ignoring her. The Caleb in her memory was polite and kind; he wouldn’t simply disregard her calls. “Caleb! Did Hazel come back with you? How is she doing? Can I see her?” Mom’s voice was hoarse, but she tried to raise it, wanting Caleb to hear her clearly. She was a music major, and she used to be a prominent figure in the music scene. She cherished her voice, but now, for me, she didn’t care about it anymore. 3 The butler walked over with the staff, their steps betraying impatience. Caleb finally turned back, giving Mom a glance. He gave a hollow, bitter laugh. “The woman you’re so desperately looking for? She ran off with some sugar daddy years ago.” My heart gave a painful lurch. Mom’s eyes were wide with disbelief. She stumbled back several steps. She murmured toward Caleb’s retreating back, “No, that’s impossible. My Hazel wouldn’t do that. You’re lying to me.” As she spoke, her tone grew furious. “Caleb, you heartless man, how could you spread rumors about my daughter!” The butler sneered. “Why are you still holding on? Mr. Caldwell said your daughter ran off with an old man. You should leave and never show your face here again.” “Your daughter is no good; don’t embarrass yourself here.” Mom’s emotions began to spiral out of control. “How dare you! My daughter isn’t like that!” She was pushed out of the gated community by the staff. The butler spoke to the security guards, ensuring Mom would never be allowed back in. Mom turned, utterly distraught. Faintly, she could hear the staff’s mocking laughter from behind. “Her daughter has no taste, abandoning Mr. Caldwell for an old man.” “I wonder how that old woman even dared to show up.” “Like mother, like daughter. Both shameless.” Mom’s face instantly paled, her lips bitten blue. Her recovering body couldn’t withstand this ordeal. Her vision blurred, and she felt a sudden dizziness before collapsing straight onto the ground. My eyes burned red, and I screamed, “Mom! Mom! Wake up! “Someone help! Please, someone help my mom!” My heart felt like it was being cruelly squeezed. So, even a soul could experience such intense emotional turmoil. A security guard nearby saw her and immediately called 91

When the ambulance arrived, I followed Mom into the vehicle. At the hospital, Briar also received the call and rushed over. Fortunately, everything turned out to be okay. I floated aimlessly in the hallway. At the end of the corridor were two familiar figures. Caleb looked up, and our eyes met. I instinctively wanted to rush back to the hospital room. But then I remembered I was a spirit now; he couldn’t see me. I drifted closer. I clearly heard Caleb’s mother’s voice. “You still haven’t forgotten Hazel, have you? Why don’t you try to find her and bring her back?” My nails dug into my palms. If it hadn’t been for that specific year, Caleb’s mom wouldn’t have actually opposed us being together. Caleb heard her and spoke indifferently, “She dumped me back then. She didn’t love me. Why would I want her back?” My lips pressed together, a lump in my throat. I desperately wanted to say that wasn’t how it was. I pinned my hopes on Caleb’s mom, wishing she would reveal the truth. Caleb’s mom looked at him with concern. “You’re just being stubborn. If you’d truly moved on, you wouldn’t have rushed to the hospital so quickly.” She sighed. “Ah, maybe you two were never meant to be. Otherwise, why would your apartment have caught fire the night you left for abroad? It must be fate!” My heart felt like a bucket of ice water had been poured over it. Was this truly fate? Caleb impatiently stood up. “Stop talking about her. She’s a heartless person. She wouldn’t even show up if her own mother collapsed.” I knelt on the floor, looking up at Caleb’s retreating back, feeling a surge of unprecedented injustice. 4 Caleb and I met in college. From sophomore to senior year, we dated for almost three years. Everyone said Caleb was lucky, that with his good looks, he’d snagged a rich girl from the Cloud family. The year we graduated, my dad passed away. Our family fortunes plummeted. Mom suffered a sudden illness and was hospitalized due to the immense stress. We were deep in debt. It was also around this time that Caleb received an acceptance letter from a university abroad. He wanted to stay for me, to work and help our family pay off our debts. He said, “Hazel, no matter what happens, I’ll be by your side.” “You don’t have to worry about these debts; I’ll figure something out.” Hearing those words, I couldn’t help but be deeply moved. When everyone thought the internet market was saturated, he found a new path and innovative ways to play. He was pulling all-nighters constantly back then. When he handed me the first significant money he’d earned, he grinned like a kid who’d just won the grand prize. Everyone in our circle whispered that I’d hit the jackpot, landing a guy as incredible as Caleb. Even my best friend was a little jealous, lamenting how great it would be if Caleb were her boyfriend. Rain poured outside as I took the bank card from Caleb’s hand. Right in front of him, I threw it on the ground and stomped on it fiercely twice. I didn’t pause, afraid my emotions would crumble. Caleb’s eyes widened in pure shock. Even if he was confused or angry, he didn’t let it show. He just quietly picked up the card from my feet, carefully wiped it clean, and stubbornly placed it back in my hand. “Hazel, I know this isn’t enough yet, but please take it. We’ll pay off all the debts in less than three years.” My lips began to tremble uncontrollably. I fought hard to maintain control. I flung the card at Caleb. It grazed his face, leaving a red mark on his cheek. I ignored the disappointment in his eyes, looking down at him. “Caleb! Don’t you get it? I don’t need your card! And I can’t wait three years for you!” “I’ve been pampered my whole life; I’m used to the good life. I don’t want to shoulder these debts for even one day!” “I’ve already found a new option.” I spoke vaguely, wanting to leave myself a way out for the future. Caleb picked up the card again, but this time he didn’t hand it to me. He lowered his head. “Is it Mr. Thompson?” Hearing Mr. Thompson’s name, my mind went blank for a moment. Then I realized it must have been my best friend who told him. Because she had seen Mr. Thompson and me leaving a hotel. She wanted to use that to make Caleb leave me. I stayed silent. When he didn’t get an answer, Caleb’s jaw tightened. “Hazel! Do you even know what you’re doing? That man is old enough to be your dad!” “Snap!” A slap landed on his face. It instantly turned red, merging with the earlier mark. “Caleb, my business is none of yours! Mr. Thompson can pay off all our family’s debts right now. Can you?” “I was just playing around with you. I never liked a poor kid like you anyway.” With those words, we were completely over. He packed his bags and left the country. I thought we would eventually meet again, and then I would explain the misunderstanding. But before I died, looking at the plane in the sky, I knew we were destined to be separated by life and death. I could never explain it to him now. 5 I floated back to the hospital room; Mom had already woken up. Briar held her hand, cautioning, “Mom, don’t walk so far alone anymore.” “And don’t… don’t look for Caleb either…” Mom slowly nodded. “I know. Hazel must be sad because of the breakup, so she’s staying abroad and doesn’t want to come back.” “I’m a little hungry. Could you get me something to eat?” Briar stood up, turned, and left the room. Mom stared at the empty air in the room, her clouded eyes filled with tears. “Hazel… I thought I heard your voice…” My tears flowed uncontrollably. Mom’s consciousness returned, and she gave a self-deprecating laugh. “But my Hazel is still abroad. How could I hear your voice? Mom must just be missing you too much, having hallucinations.” But I felt it was enough, even if Mom thought it was a hallucination. At the same time, my soul seemed to fade a little. I couldn’t foresee my death, but now, I could feel my time floating in this world entering a countdown. After bringing Mom her meal, Briar left again in a hurry. I knew she had to go home to prepare things for her street food stall at the night market. The former Miss Cloud, now busy like a spinning top just to make ends meet. And I, a mere observer, could do nothing but feel guilt. After confirming Mom was perfectly fine, I followed Briar, watching her prepare the ingredients for her crepes. I remembered her boasting at my tombstone after learning how to make them. “Hazel, look, this is just like the crepes from your favorite shop by the university.” “Every time we passed it, you’d clamor for one, always with extra ham.” “I specially learned from their owner, and it tastes exactly the same.” “You’ll have a treat now; I’ll bring them to you often.” When she first started her stall, she was very clumsy. Now, she had many repeat customers and several customer groups. I watched the passing crowds, seeing the long line at Briar’s stall, and felt a profound sense of peace. A young boy looked up. “Big sister, I want a hundred crepes.” Briar looked at him helplessly. “Little one, go tell Leo I’m not making him a hundred crepes.” I smiled. Leo and Briar were childhood sweethearts. If our family hadn’t suffered misfortune, they would have been engaged that year. Leo’s mom didn’t approve of Briar, and Briar, with her fierce independence, found herself in a deadlock with Leo. Leo tried every way possible to help Briar, but she refused all his attempts. He just kept waiting for her. Sometimes I would float to Leo’s house, wanting to see if he was a good man. After staying for a while, I found that Leo was building his own business, intending to break free from his family’s control. He politely turned down advances from women at business dinners. Almost every day, he would make time to watch Briar work from a distance. That’s when I learned that true, unwavering love really exists. Maybe I once had it too, but I lost it. 6 Briar was ready to close up around one in the morning. I squatted on the ground, counting how much ham was left in Briar’s box. My mouth watered, but I couldn’t taste it. “I heard this place tastes exactly like the crepe stall by the university.”

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