Liam had just bailed me out of the precinct. On the way home. I asked for a divorce. “Chloe, there’s a line, even for you.” I watched Liam, focused on the road, and a hollow laugh escaped me. “My mind’s made up.” “Liam,” I turned to him, my gaze unwavering, “let’s just let each other go.” The Maserati screeched to a halt by the roadside. The atmosphere in the car plummeted to freezing. “A reason.” Liam gripped the steering wheel, his voice was glacial, each word a shard of ice. “Give me a reason, Chloe. What’s this drama *now*?” I looked at Liam, and suddenly, it all just felt so utterly pointless. I lowered my window and pointed at the car that had been tailing us in the rearview mirror. “My guess? Ten seconds.” “Someone’s coming for you.” I stated, absolutely certain, and started my countdown. “Ten.” “Nine.” “Eight.” Before I could even process what was happening, a figure had already stepped out of the Porsche behind me. Alex, his eyes red-rimmed, rushed over. “Julian, I honestly didn’t mean it today. I only suggested picking up clothes because I was accompanying Hailey to a dinner. I truly didn’t know you were sleeping at home, and I certainly didn’t know you’d mistake me for a thief and call the police immediately.” “Ultimately, this is my fault. Please, don’t argue with Hailey over this. I’m begging you.” “If you’re really that upset,” Alex grabbed my hand and brought it to his face, “hit me.” “Hit me to get it all out.” My hand was clasped tight. I was about to strike. Hailey’s voice cut through the air, sharp and cold: “Julian Hayes, what about your manners?” “What, did your manners just vanish into thin air?” I just found it so ridiculous. See? I didn’t have to do a single thing; I just sat here, passively taking it, and it still somehow became my fault. I pulled my hand back and turned to face Hailey. “Do you understand now?” “Hailey,” I felt a strange sense of release, as if the pain had numbed me to the core and my emotions were finally running dry. I unbuckled my seatbelt and told her, “This is the reason.” “Hailey, let’s get a divorce.” I opened the car door. Under the shocked-then-secretly-gleeful gaze of Hailey’s assistant, I smiled at him. “Congratulations. All these years you’ve been relentlessly interfering in Hailey’s and my life, and you’re finally going to get what you want.” “I don’t want Hailey anymore.” I turned and walked away. Hailey quickly got out of the car and grabbed my wrist. “Julian Hayes, what the hell is wrong with you? Do you have any idea I missed a multi-million dollar deal today because you called the police? Just because you said you were scared, I rushed to the police station like a maniac, only to find you’d called the cops on *my assistant*!” “I’ve been putting up with you for too long.” “You constantly target Alex, and he’s always spoken well of you, telling me not to get mad and to try to get along! You’re so ungrateful!” My wrist burned from her grip, the scar there throbbing with even more pain. I frowned, looking at my badly reddened wrist. “Let go!” I forcefully yanked my hand from Hailey’s grip, rubbing my aching wrist, and then raised my hand and slapped Hailey across the face. “Hailey!” “I’ve been putting up with *you* for too long too!” Hailey and I had been together for ten years. Even after all our fights, arguments, and cold wars, I’d never done anything like this, humiliating her in front of an outsider. But I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I looked at Hailey and laid out the truth. “Let me tell you: when I was hospitalized with a high fever, you were out saving stray cats and dogs with your assistant. When my car was rear-ended, you were stargazing with your assistant. Every time I had an emergency, you chose your assistant! And today!” I stared at Hailey. “You gave your assistant our front door code, while I was taking my medicine and getting ready for bed! You let your assistant barge into our bedroom to get your stuff! After I called the police, you didn’t even check if I was okay, you just demanded I drop the charges!” “Hailey!” “We are officially done!” 2 In a fit of rage, I couldn’t control my expression any longer. My carefully maintained composure completely shattered. Hailey’s face changed slightly, then she started to explain, guilty and defensive. “How could I cancel on Mr. Thompson’s event? It was an emergency, and I had no choice but to ask Alex to get my things. Why do you always have to blow things up to this extent!” “Julian Hayes!” Hailey looked at me, her face full of disappointment. “When did you become so jealous and unreasonable, clinging to baseless accusations and refusing to let go?” “Julian Hayes, no woman would like you like this!” I genuinely thought I wouldn’t feel sad anymore. At least, from the police station where I signed the papers to drop the charges, to riding in the car with Hailey, I had maintained my composure and my manners. I had even replayed every single memory Hailey and I shared in my mind. In the end, I concluded: I wanted to end this with dignity. But tears still uncontrollably streamed down my face because of Hailey’s complaints and accusations, like pearls spilling from a broken string, impossible to stop. “Yes, no one would like me like this,” I choked out the words. “So, I don’t need your affection either.” I wiped away my tears and turned to leave, but Alex grabbed my hand. He cried with me, even harder than I did, continuously apologizing and saying he was sorry. “Julian,” he whimpered. “I truly didn’t mean it. Please don’t be mad at Hailey. I’ll quit tomorrow, I’ll disappear immediately! Hailey truly loves you. Don’t make her sad, okay?” I detested Alex’s hypocritical act the most. Watching him cry, my tears actually stopped. I forcefully shook him off and shouted, “Get lost!” Alex fell to the ground, looking up at me in shock. “Julian Hayes!” Hailey, her heart aching, helped Alex up. Seeing his palm scraped, she yelled at me, “Are you out of your mind! Apologize to Alex!” “Don’t even dream about it.” “If you want me to apologize,” I looked at Hailey, then at the flicker of triumph in Alex’s eyes, and dropped the ultimatum: “If you don’t agree to a divorce, we’ll go through legal proceedings.” I didn’t look back, nor did I pay attention to Alex’s constant whimpering and Hailey’s voice comforting him and calling me a maniac. Instead, I took a taxi directly to Liam’s house. Liam didn’t say a word. After letting me in, he pulled out dozens of beers he’d stocked up in the fridge and placed them on the table. He just asked, “Is that enough?” I looked at Liam, and my eyes welled up. Liam remained silent, just opening his arms to me and asking, “A hug?” I completely broke down, sobbing uncontrollably into his arms. I cried until my voice was hoarse, trembled uncontrollably from crying, and ended up throwing up my guts in the bathroom until the world spun. When I finally stopped, I told Liam. “I want a divorce!” “I want a divorce!” “I want Hailey to rot in hell!” What is the end of love? It’s when two people who were once intimately connected and willing to fight the world together turn into opponents, blades in hand, determined to destroy each other. It’s moving from once hoping that even if marriage was the grave of love, it would still bloom with flowers of affection, to finally realizing that even roses wither. 3 I stayed at Liam’s house for two weeks. During that time, I saw Alex’s SnapChat stories update daily. Every single post had Hailey’s presence. [The sky has the moon, and I have my star.] The accompanying photo was Alex’s selfie, with Hailey’s back in the corner, on the phone by the floor-to-ceiling window. [My star always shines, and I will chase its light.] The photo showed a star-shaped ring on Alex’s hand, refracting a halo of light under the lamp, and a pair of slender, beautiful hands. They were Hailey’s. [My star is showing me the world!] The photo: a first-class cabin. Alex smiled brightly, beside Hailey’s sleeping profile. One by one, each post. Liam jumped up and down in anger. He pointed at Alex’s SnapChat and yelled, “That scumbag! Is Hailey blind? Can’t she see that jerk likes her? Even a blind man could see it!” Liam was furious. But I felt strangely calm. It was as if I was close to getting over the pain of heartbreak. Regarding Liam’s anger, I calmly commented. “Hailey knows perfectly well.” “She knows?” Liam sat beside me. “Then why does she still claim they’re innocent?” “In Hailey’s eyes, as long as they haven’t literally *slept* together, it’s innocent. After all, she always maintains that she hasn’t cheated.” Hailey always held that line. So, whenever I threw a tantrum, she would always hit me with that line: [Alex and I are completely innocent, it’s your heart that’s dirty! You see everything with a dirty mind!] And I would be speechless. Now, looking back at all that, I felt a strange sense of release. I reminded Liam, “The moving company will be here soon.” Hailey and I were getting a divorce, and I needed to move out and retrieve my belongings. After all, my mother’s keepsakes were still there. “Good that you’ve finally come to your senses,” Liam said, following me home, waiting at my doorstep. I had seen Alex’s SnapChat and knew Hailey was away on a business trip these past few days. I thought Hailey and I wouldn’t meet, but to my surprise, as soon as I pushed open the door, I smelled food from the kitchen. As I got closer, I saw Alex sitting at the dining table, legs crossed, casually eating shrimp. Seeing me, Alex froze. Like a child caught red-handed, he immediately stood up and called out, “Julian.” I watched Alex, dressed in *my* pajamas and slippers. Then I saw Hailey emerge from the kitchen with a dish, her smile freezing. She stiffly asked, “Have you eaten?” I ignored Hailey’s attempt at pleasantries and walked into the bedroom. I suddenly froze. All my collectibles, neatly arranged by my bedside, were now scattered. The bed was a mess, the wardrobe had clearly been rummaged through, and even the innermost safe was open. My heart clenched. I instinctively looked inside the safe. “Julian…” The safe was empty. Alex, standing in the doorway, spoke so weakly I could barely hear him: “I’m sorry, Hailey and I lost our luggage on the way back from our trip, and Hailey told me to get some clothes from here to wear first.” “I accidentally… opened the safe…” My head buzzed. I turned and saw crystal fragments in Alex’s hand. My breath hitched. “I really didn’t mean it.” “Julian, please!” Alex suddenly lunged at me, then dropped to his knees in front of me with a thud, grabbing my arm and crying. “Please forgive me!” 4 “I didn’t know these were your mother’s keepsakes! I didn’t know, I really didn’t know!” Alex grabbed my hand. “Hit me!” “Please!” “Hit me and make me feel better!” Alex was about to bang his head on the floor when a hand suddenly came between us. Hailey placed her hand on his forehead, pulling the trembling Alex up. She looked at me indifferently. “The dead can’t come back, and things are just inanimate objects. There’s no need to make things difficult for the living over some possessions. Alex already knows he made a mistake.” Hailey’s tone was so flat, as if this was the most trivial matter. And I was the petty, narrow-minded one. She stood protectively in front of Alex and told me, “Don’t keep bothering Alex. He’s already carrying enough guilt.” I couldn’t say a word, couldn’t even react. As long as Alex acted pathetic, it was all my fault. From Alex stealing my watch, to him taking my painting, to him smashing Hailey’s and my wedding photo, to him brazenly intruding into my home, my sanctuary, and now, to him shattering the last keepsake my mother left me. And Hailey was still telling me to forgive, telling me to be magnanimous. My head was buzzing continuously, my throat tightened, and the tremor in my fingertips betrayed my lack of composure. I turned to look at Alex, still shedding tears in Hailey’s arms, walked directly up to him, and right in front of Hailey, I grabbed Alex by the hair and slammed his head against the wall. Then, amidst Alex’s scream of utter breakdown, I kicked his knee. This time, he truly dropped to his knees before me. “That’s not how you grovel for real.” I pressed my foot on Alex’s knee and slammed his head hard against the floor with my other hand. A violent impact echoed. I heard Alex scream and saw crimson blood seep from his forehead. I told him, “This is how you beg for forgiveness!” My eyes were bloodshot. I grabbed Alex’s head, ready to slam it down again, but Hailey grabbed my wrist. She forcefully stopped me, her gaze dark. “Let go!” “Dream on!” Hailey then raised her other hand and pressed down on me, forcefully prying my fingers open. My fingernails were almost breaking, and I frowned in pain, but she didn’t seem to notice. She continued to pry my hand open, little by little, warning me, “Don’t go too far, Julian Hayes!” Too far? I looked at Hailey, and I laughed, a bitter, furious sound: “Hailey, the difference between humans and animals is that humans think, discern right from wrong, and have moral restraints, instead of just blindly protecting someone based on mere impulse!” “Since you’ve decided to protect Alex!” “Fine!” I ignored my breaking nails. Seeing the blood ooze from my fingertips, and as Hailey froze, I endured the excruciating pain of broken nails and fiercely clawed at Alex’s face. Along with my fingernails completely breaking, Alex’s face, the one that appeared in dozens of his SnapChat stories every day, was ruined. Alex completely broke down. I burst out laughing. “What is this!” “This is karma!” “Let me tell you, Hailey,” I looked at Hailey’s disbelieving expression, then at Alex, who was screaming and clutching his face. I reminded her, “I’ve never been a good person! You should have known that long ago!” “Hailey!” “You’ve truly messed with the wrong person now!” “I swear I’ll make you pay for this, or my name isn’t Julian Hayes!” 5 When Liam arrived, his first reaction was “Holy crap!” Then, seeing my bleeding fingers, his eyes turned cold and he swore, “You absolute monster!” He approached Hailey and slapped her hard on the head, which seemed to snap her back to reality. She looked at Liam, then at me, and at the moving crew who had come in with Liam. She demanded, “What exactly do you want to do!” I just coldly replied, “Make space for your little Alex.” “But now,” I looked at Alex, still sitting on the floor, whimpering and covering his face, and at Hailey, ready to start another fight, “it seems unnecessary.” I took a wrench from one of the moving guys. I had intended to dismantle things, but now, I swung it fiercely at our wedding photo on the bedroom wall. The glass shattered into a thousand pieces, scattering across the floor. Just like Hailey’s and my relationship, nothing but a mess remained. “Guys,” I picked up the wrench and placed it in front of the crew. “I’ve transferred the money to you. Thank you for your trouble today.” “The stuff here is too dirty; it doesn’t need to be moved anymore.” The crew leader was startled but still asked, “Do you need me to call the police for you?” Alex, sitting on the floor, completely lost it: “Call the police for what?! He hit me and hurt me! You call the police?! If anyone’s calling the police, it’s me!” Liam finally noticed Alex’s face, which I had scratched badly, and let out an undignified “Yo-ho!” before mockingly taunting, “Well, well, isn’t this our Crying Buddy? What’s wrong? Not playing the victim anymore, exposing your true colors?” Alex glared, full of resentment. Enduring the pain in his face, he said, “Julian, I never wanted to compete with you for anything! Why do you always target me like this!” “Don’t you know how important a person’s reputation is?” “How could you *not* know how important a reputation is!” Alex unleashed a barrage of accusations at me: “Hailey told me everything!” “You were molested before! You’re dirty yourself, so you see everyone else as dirty!” “Alex!” Hailey roared, cutting him off. “You’re crossing the line!” I was, for once, fortunate enough to see Hailey scold Alex. In my perception, whenever Alex was involved, he was always right, and I was always wrong, even if I was just breathing. I had considered that perhaps Hailey was just acting on impulse, that maybe she would calm down and realize this deviation was wrong, and she would come back to me, apologizing. Perhaps I should have waited for Hailey to come back and apologize. Perhaps I should have forgiven Hailey one more time, giving us both more chances. But I never imagined my past trauma would be spoken from Alex’s mouth, and I certainly never imagined my unspeakable past would be told to Alex by Hailey, allowing him to use it as a weapon to hurt me. “Yes,” I suddenly smiled. “I was assaulted.” After all, that year, I offended someone trying to rescue Hailey from being kidnapped. I was locked in a basement all night. Who could ever know how I survived that entire night? No one knew. But there would always be people who would imagine I was “dirty,” who would think my successful escape was due to selling myself, to pleasing those people. I wasn’t truly made of steel. I thought Hailey was on my side, that she was unwaveringly loyal to me. My heart still ached. It hurt so much I could barely breathe. I looked at a now-panicked Hailey and said, “So, don’t make me look down on you any more.”
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