My Mother’s Secret, My Existence

My Mom Hated Me, Until I Saved Her My mom had just turned nineteen when a high school bully assaulted her, and she was forced to carry me to term. That same year, my grandpa accepted a hefty settlement of nearly thirty thousand dollars from the bully, dropped the lawsuit, and effectively sealed off Mom’s only path to justice. My first cry, ironically, was drowned out by the final bells of senior year, becoming the last straw that broke her spirit. That night, she sat alone, wide awake, until dawn. The next day, she left a letter severing all ties, walked out, and was never heard from again. I thought I’d never see her in my life. But eighteen years later, as I entered my senior year, a new transfer student, Chloe, stepped in to help me, then smiled and invited me to her house. The moment the door opened, I saw that face—a face I’d missed countless times in photographs—and instinctively said, “Mom…” —- Mom’s smile froze. Her face drained of color when she saw the birthmark on my hand. She pressed down on her trembling voice, suddenly pushing me away with force. “You’ve got the wrong person,” she said coldly. I fell to the ground, and my only decent school uniform, the one without any patches or wear, was ripped by the sharp asphalt. She then pulled Chloe inside, slamming the door shut with a loud *bang*. From inside, I heard the sound of a vase shattering, followed by Mom’s sobs: “Did she approach you? Drag you here? I told you to stay away from the wrong crowd! Why won’t you ever listen?” “Baby, please, stay away from her. Your mom is begging you.” Each word struck my ears, weighing more than a thousand pounds, crushing the last remnants of my surprise and hope at seeing her. Blood seeped from the asphalt cut on my hand, but the pain was less than a millionth of what I felt in my heart. Lost and unsure what to do, a gentle male voice spoke from above me: “Little girl, why are you sitting on the ground? You’re bleeding so much. Does it hurt?” It wasn’t until he took me to his house to bandage my hand that I realized he was Mom’s husband. Daniel. He immediately noticed Mom’s swollen eyes. “Ellie, why are you crying? Are you still sad about leaving our old home? Thank you both for supporting my work and moving here with me.” Mom didn’t seem to hear him. Instead, she stared at me, her expression a mix of despair and deep disgust. She collapsed to the floor, clutching her head, sobbing uncontrollably. “I knew it! You’d haunt me like a ghost, cling to me, and destroy all my happiness!” I forgot how I dazedly left. I only remembered Mom’s frantic cries: “I am not your mother!” As dusk settled, Grandpa Arthur waited for me at the door as usual. I quickly wiped away my tears with my sleeve and brushed the dust from my clothes. I forced a smile. But when he saw the bloodstains on my school uniform, his grip on his cane tightened. “Did those classmates of yours bully you again? Don’t listen to their nonsense. Your mom went out to make money for your schooling. When she comes back, she’ll go settle the score with them! She’ll let them know our Harper is loved!” The tears I’d been holding back finally broke free. I pulled away from Grandpa’s hand and sobbed uncontrollably. “You’re lying! It’s because of you Mom left! And now she’s back, but she doesn’t love me at all. She hates me!” I locked myself in my bedroom, hugging Mom’s photo, and didn’t sleep all night. When I woke up in the morning, Grandpa had already left for his stall. On the table were seventy-nine dollars, cobbled together from quarters and dimes, and a can of peaches. Next to it was a note from Grandpa: “Harper has grown up, her uniform is too small. It’s time to buy a new one. And Harper, Happy Birthday.” On my way to school, I deliberately took a detour past Grandpa’s sock stall. His deeply lined face hid his emotions, but I felt his already hunched back sag even lower. 2. Chloe didn’t come to school all day. I was terrified, afraid Mom would take her and move away today, disappearing without a trace, just like eighteen years ago. I couldn’t resist going to the office to ask the teacher why Chloe wasn’t there, but then I heard Mom’s voice. “Teacher, could our daughter be moved to a different class? That girl, Harper. I’ve heard about her family. I don’t want Chloe associating with someone raised by that kind of grandpa.” I stood frozen at the office door, my limbs felt like lead, heavy and immobile. It seemed the teacher heard a sound from outside and opened the door. Mom and I locked eyes. The instinctive disgust in hers made me tremble, and a wave of hurt and resentment washed over me. I almost ran, turning and fleeing. I ran back to Grandpa Arthur’s small stall, only to find Chloe there, skipping school. She had overturned Grandpa’s stand and cut up all the socks. Her eyes red, she shrieked, “How can there be a father like you in this world?! You don’t deserve to be my grandpa, you don’t deserve it!” Grandpa knelt on the ground, heartbroken over the shredded socks, his voice trembling uncontrollably. “Child, you can hate me, hit me, curse me, just please don’t cut them! The money from these sales is for Harper’s tuition next semester!” Chloe scoffed. “Does a scumbag’s child deserve an education? Mom told me and Dad everything yesterday. I won’t let you two, who ruined Mom, have a moment’s peace.” I rushed forward, trying to snatch the scissors from Chloe’s hand. “Don’t cut them, please…” As we struggled, Mom, who had followed me, pushed through the crowd of onlookers. She saw Grandpa kneeling on the ground, picking up the socks, and her eyes instantly welled up. She reached out, as if to touch Grandpa’s white hair, but then pulled her hand back, scoffing coldly, “Hmph. Did you blow through that settlement money already? Still living in squalor, I see. Why don’t you sell that little monster too?” Grandpa froze for a long moment at the familiar voice, but he never looked up. I saw Grandpa’s tears flow into the deep lines on his cheeks, streaking across his weathered face. However, the gasps from the crowd shattered the scene: “Blood! Oh my, those two girls are bleeding! Quick, take them to the hospital!” The moment Mom heard this, she immediately rushed to Chloe’s side. Her tension was palpable. “Baby, where are you hurt? Let Mom see!” Chloe seemed stunned,pointing at the small severed finger on the ground. “Mom, she…” Mom let out a long breath. “It’s good that you’re not hurt.” Soon, she realized something. She looked sharply at my profusely bleeding finger. A flicker of reluctance crossed her eyes, and she immediately pulled out her phone and dialed 91

It was only then that I registered the pain. The scissors had been too sharp. In our struggle, I’d been distracted, and the scissors had sliced off a third of my pinky finger. Hearing Mom’s trembling voice, I felt a perverse sense of relief. She was worried about me, right? If I got sick more often, would Mom love me again? When we got into the ambulance, I didn’t choose Grandpa Arthur, who was sobbing uncontrollably, but Mom to accompany me. And she, for the first time, didn’t refuse me. Her hand brushed mine, a touch so gentle it felt unfamiliar. “Har…per, does it hurt?” I suppressed my excitement and surprise, pushing the pain to the back of my mind. “No, it doesn’t! As long as Mom is with me…” But my words were cut off. “How much money do you want? I’ll give it all to you. Can we settle this privately? Chloe is fragile and timid, she can’t handle police questioning, nor can she handle classmates attacking her with rumors.” “She didn’t mean it. She was just so worried about me, her mom, that she acted impulsively. Can you forgive her? She’s just a child.” I froze, a bitter ache spreading through my chest. But I was suffering ridicule too. I was also her child. And I was the one who was hurt. I looked up at her, finally yielding to the plea in her eyes, and whispered, “Okay.” Then, trying to appease her, I added, “Chloe is a good person. I don’t blame her. But Mom, can you stay with me today?” Her eyes welled up, and she slowly nodded. 3. While bandaging my finger, the doctor gave Mom a reproachful look. “This severed pinky will never grow back. It will limit her opportunities in life, both personally and professionally. How can a parent be so careless?” Afraid Mom would be upset, I quickly explained, “No, doctor, my mom is really good to me. This time, it was my own fault.” But by the end of my explanation, my voice had grown smaller and smaller, laced with guilt. Mom looked at me for a long moment, then pursed her lips. “You wait here quietly while I go pay the bill.” When the bandaging was done and Mom still hadn’t returned, I didn’t want to miss a single second with her, so I went downstairs to find her myself. But to my surprise, Mom was cornered in the stairwell by a man and a woman. The man, Mason, smiled, putting his arm around the girl’s waist next to him. “Didn’t expect to run into an old acquaintance while you’re here for an abortion. “You should learn from a pro. She carried my child to term, you know.” Mom stiffened, her face pale as she retorted, “Get lost! I never want to see you, you animal, again!” Mason licked his lips, then ran his fingers through a strand of Mom’s hair, sniffing it suggestively. “You still smell so good, still so fiery. But what does it matter? I could humiliate you in front of everyone ten, a hundred times today, and it would still all be smoothed over with just a paltry settlement.” Mom couldn’t hold herself together anymore. Her body began to tremble uncontrollably. She bit her lower lip fiercely, her face deathly pale, and crouched in the corner, muttering, “No, please no, don’t come near me.” I screamed like a madwoman, running over and fiercely pushing Mason away, shielding Mom. “I won’t let you hurt Mom again!” Mason looked me up and down, then curled his lips into a smile. “Eleanor, is this our daughter? She does look a bit like you back then.” “Keeping her around, it seems you really miss our night together, don’t you? No worries, if you’re too shy to say it, I’ll just contact you myself. You know, what I want, I always get.” Mason put his arm around his companion and left, but not before whispering a few words in my ear. I tried to help Mom up from the corner, but she pushed me away with all her strength. She gasped for air, her silent tears streaming down her face. Her pale face was etched with despair. “Why? Why can’t I ever escape!” “Why do you always bring bad luck wherever you go? Please, just stay as far away from me as possible! When I see you, I remember that animal, remember the hell I went through that night! It makes me feel like I’m dying, don’t you understand?!” She shrieked, stumbling to her feet and running wildly toward the exit. Even her backpack fell to the ground. When I picked it up, I saw a small, four-inch cake hidden behind it. Even though it had been dropped, “Happy Birthday” was still clearly visible on the cake. I sniffled, holding back my tears, and smiled as I ate every bit of the damaged cake. Then I called the number written on the slip of paper Mason had slipped into my uniform pocket. 4. As Mason left, he said something that made me tremble all over. “If you don’t want another little brother or sister, come find me. If you don’t, your mom will suffer the consequences.” So that night, I didn’t go home. I went to Mason alone. I wanted to protect Mom in my own way. When I arrived at the private room, Mason was laughing with a few girls. The air was thick with the smell of alcohol and smoke. He looked me up and down, a smirk on his face. “Wearing your school uniform? How tacky, just like your mom, playing innocent.” One of the girls immediately understood, tossing me a bandeau top and a mini skirt. I hesitated, reluctant to put them on, but then Mason’s words to Mom echoed in my mind. Afraid he’d go bother Mom again, I immediately obeyed and changed. He casually pointed, gesturing for me to sit next to a bald man. “Mr. Davis, don’t let her age fool you. My daughter here has a fantastic figure.” Mr. Davis’s greasy face drew closer. I sprang to my feet as if electrocuted, covering myself with my school uniform. Humiliation consumed me. I trembled, unable to speak. Mason clicked his tongue. “If you’re too scared, then get out. I’ll just get your mom to come.” I clenched my jaw. “Give me one more day to think.” Mason eventually agreed. I wrapped myself in my school uniform and walked towards school, but halfway there, Chloe and a few other students blocked my path. Her hatred was unconcealed. “What did you do to Mom? Why was she a wreck when she came back from the hospital?!” I lowered my head, guilt-ridden, and apologized. “I’m sorry, Chloe.” “Don’t call me Chloe! The biggest regret of my life was helping you out that day and bringing you back to my house!” “Because of you, our family isn’t happy anymore. Mom and Dad haven’t smiled since!” She pulled out all her pocket money and threw it at my head. “Mom said your grandpa abandoned her for money. Now I’m giving you money too. I’ll give you whatever you want if you just leave, please, I’m begging you!” Seeing me stand there with my head down, she choked back tears, pressing a small knife into my hand. “You must be angry about your finger. If it makes you feel better and you leave, it’s okay if you cut off my finger too! Do it! Do it!” “Do you even know Mom tried to cut her wrists, hiding from me and Dad?! She’s still in the hospital!” Chloe finally broke down, screaming, “Just give me back my happy family, and I’ll give you anything you want!” The moment I heard Mom had cut her wrists, I finally understood the extent of my sin. I finally made up my mind. I returned Mom’s backpack, which she’d dropped yesterday, to Chloe. “Don’t worry. I won’t let Mom get hurt again.” Almost without hesitation, I turned and ran back to the club. Suppressing immense nausea and despair, I took off my school uniform and deliberately sat next to Mr. Davis. But Mason merely quirked an eyebrow. “Now, I don’t like this game anymore.” “We need a new game.” Three hours later, Mason finally found a pretty girl. He handed me a spiked drink. “You’re a student. Getting her to drink this should be easy. Once she drinks it, just bring her over.” “It’s that simple. Do this, and I promise I’ll never bother your mom again.” I bit my lip, taking the drink. “You promise?” It was less than a hundred feet, but it felt like I was walking for an entire century. There were seven or eight men in the private room. I knew exactly what would happen to the girl if she drank this. But if I didn’t, my mom would suffer a second trauma. I had no choice. The girl unsuspectingly drank the wine. I deliberately turned my back to block Mason’s view. I quietly whispered to the girl’s friend to pretend to go to the bathroom and then sneak out the back. Three minutes later, I turned around, my mind racing with how to explain this to Mason. I couldn’t betray my conscience. If it came to this, I would just take them all down with me. The image of the cake Mom had bought me flashed through my mind. To protect Mom’s hard-won happiness, I was willing to do anything. But a slap across the face brought me instantly back to reality. The music and lights in the dance floor stopped. All eyes were on me. I looked at Mom, still in her hospital gown, bandages wrapped around her wrist. I was mortified. I pulled my uniform tighter, not wanting her to see my humiliation. But this time, Mom didn’t break down, didn’t scream, didn’t yell. She stared at the hand that had slapped me, then at me. She clutched her head, crouching down, crying as helplessly as a child. “Do you know that girl would have ended up worse than me? Do you know that girl’s family would have been ruined because of this? You knew, and you still did it.” “You truly have the genes of an animal in your bones, cold-blooded and selfish. You’ll hurt people just like him.” “What am I going to do? My womb birthed a monster who hurts others, just like I was hurt!” “Why did you have to live?! Why don’t you just die?!” 5. Her voice was calm, yet filled with deep despair. I had never been so afraid. I’d rather Mom hated me, resented me, than for her to be utterly disappointed in me, to give up on me like this. I frantically reached for her hand to explain, “Mom, I’m not… I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. I’m not like them.” But Mom forcefully peeled away my fingers, one by one, from her sleeve. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and tears streamed down her cheeks. “I thought my prejudice against you was too deep. I thought you were at least kind-hearted, but I never expected…” She shook her head, opened her eyes, and stared at me, her words deliberate and serious. “Harper, listen carefully. I don’t have a disgusting daughter like you. If you dare call me ‘Mom’ again and insult me, I will die immediately.” “Forever, stay out of my sight, forever!” Mom was led away by Daniel and Chloe, who had rushed after her. Chloe gave me a cold look before she left. “I deliberately let it slip. I wanted Mom to know exactly what kind of person you are.” “Someone like you doesn’t deserve to be her daughter, and Mom shouldn’t waste her emotions on you.” How I wished I could tell Mom that I hadn’t hurt anyone, that I had saved a girl from harm. But Mom wouldn’t listen to me anymore. I sat there, numb on the ground, until Mason, having enjoyed the show, walked over. He looked down at me, flicking his cigarette ash onto my head. “Harper, Harper, Daddy’s little errand wasn’t completed, was it? Now, how should I punish you and your mother for that?” Hatred surged in my eyes. Looking at his disgusting face, I only wanted to end him with my own hands. I stood up and walked out of the club without a word. With the little money I had, I bought a fruit knife from the nearest supermarket. After paying, I turned around and met Grandpa Arthur’s eyes. His gaze swept from my mini skirt to the blood seeping through the bandage on my finger, then to the fruit knife in my hand. His cloudy eyes didn’t blink, and tears pooled in his deep wrinkles. Though he leaned on his cane, his entire body was swaying precariously. In that instant, all my suppressed grievances exploded. I lunged into his arms, weeping uncontrollably. “Grandpa…” Grandpa patted my back, his lips slightly parted. He wanted to comfort me but couldn’t find any other words, just kept murmuring my name. Grandpa led me home by the hand, gently taking the fruit knife from me. I knew he knew everything. That night, Grandpa Arthur, who was usually a man of few words, talked to me at length, which was unprecedented. He told me to study hard, that there would always be someone in this world to love me. He said Harper was not wrong; the wrong ones were those who bullied others. He said he was sorry for Mom and me. I lay on his lap, sobbing, and slowly drifted into a deep sleep. But the next day, what woke me was a call from the hospital: “Hello, is this Arthur Sterling’s family? The elder is in critical condition and undergoing emergency treatment. Please come immediately.” The phone slipped from my hand, the busy signal buzzing. I wiped the tears from my face and ran to the hospital like a madwoman. The moment I saw Grandpa, my heart felt like it was being ripped open, so much pain. My Grandpa, with twenty-seven fractured bones, head burns, and a ruptured liver. The nurse sighed. “The elder was found by a cleaner, discarded in an alley. He was barely clinging to life when they found him. He said he didn’t want to call the police, only asked us to contact you and another lady. But that lady only listened for a sentence before hanging up, and we couldn’t reach her again.” My tears had long since overflowed. I slapped myself fiercely more than ten times. I hated myself. I should have noticed Grandpa’s strangeness yesterday. He must have gone to find Mason with that fruit knife to seek revenge, then was discovered and tortured all night. He didn’t want to call the police because he didn’t want me to get involved in these matters again. He knew we couldn’t win against them. He also knew that after this incident, Mason wouldn’t bother us anymore. He exchanged his own life for a safe future for us. Grandpa saw me, forced a smile, and laboriously grasped my hand with his calloused fingers, his eyes burning. Like a prisoner awaiting a final verdict: “My child, you be their judge. For your mother, condemn me as a neglectful father; for your grandmother, declare me a guilty husband.” “You say it. Saying it might… make me feel better. When I go to hell, I can live with a clear sentence, rather than forever in endless self-reproach.” I choked, unable to speak, only nodding frantically and fiercely. Grandpa closed his eyes in release, his hand falling heavily. “Grandpa!” I cried hysterically, begging him not to leave, but I would never again receive his doting comfort. 6. Grandpa Arthur’s funeral was simple. I sold everything we owned and all the money Grandpa had saved for my education to buy him the best urn and a gravesite. On the last day of the vigil, Mom came. She stood outside the hall with Daniel and Chloe. Mom held her head high, refusing to let her tears fall. The neighbors around us whispered. “Poor old Arthur, he had such a tragic life.” “His daughter was ruined by that animal, and then his wife got a sudden illness.” “That animal threatened Arthur: if he didn’t take the money to hush it up, they’d find ways to prevent his wife from getting treatment.” “In the end, he took the money, but his wife didn’t get better. He was saddled with tens of thousands in debt for medical bills, and his daughter disowned him.” “He worked tirelessly, day and night, to pay off the debt. Once it was paid, he went to get revenge for his daughter and granddaughter.” “If it were me, I couldn’t make such a difficult decision, even if it killed me!” “Ah, that night, Arthur’s hair turned white. No one suffered more than him. Why does misfortune always pick on the miserable?” Every word reached Mom’s ears. She rushed over and grabbed the old lady’s sleeve. Her expression distorted with agitation. “What did you say?!” The neighbor was shocked. “Old Arthur never said anything. It’s no wonder, he wanted you to get away from this painful place.” Mom could no longer control her tears. She rushed into the funeral hall, clinging to the coffin, calling out repeatedly, “Dad, you were always so stubborn! You never told me anything, leaving me to realize things too late and live with the crushing regret!” Daniel pulled Chloe to stand before Grandpa Arthur’s memorial tablet and bowed deeply three times. “Dad, ultimately, you still hurt Eleanor. I can’t fully understand your difficulties, but I respect you.” “Rest assured, Eleanor, and…” He glanced at me, dressed in mourning clothes, my eyes swollen from crying. “Harper, I will take good care of them both.” Grandpa Arthur’s gravesite was moved next to Grandma Rose’s. Mom went to send him off, kneeling before the grave, reluctant to leave. I stepped forward to help her, but she violently shook me off. “I’d rather have hated him my whole life, but have him alive and well.” “It’s you again. You went near Mason, provoked Mason, and this is the outcome.” She let out a long sigh. “Your grandpa would have wanted me to raise you. I can let you live in my house and support your schooling, but only until you turn eighteen. After that, can you please leave?” I released my hand from hers, replying flatly, “No need, Mom… Eleanor. I’ve already found my own path for the future.” She flinched when I called her Eleanor, but quickly composed herself. A luxury car pulled up behind us. Mom’s eyes instantly reddened when she saw the person who got out. If Daniel hadn’t held her back, she might have rushed forward to kill Mason. Mason spread his hands innocently. “Why so emotional, Eleanor? I’m not here for you. After all, I made a promise to the old man.” “Speaking of which, that old man was really stubborn. I used a metal poker to stab through each of his fingers, and he endured the pain, refusing to beg. But the moment I mentioned you, his attitude softened immediately. He prostrated himself before me, begging, bowing ninety-nine times, and that’s when I finally agreed to leave you alone.” Mom was so angry she looked like she might vomit blood, and so was I. I clenched my fists, suppressing my hatred, and walked towards Mason. “Dad, no matter what, I’m your daughter. Raise me. I won’t disappoint you.” I looked back at Mom. “After all, I’m just like you, cold-blooded and selfish.” Mom looked at me in disbelief. “Harper, what are you saying?! He’s the murderer who killed your grandpa!” “How could you?!” I turned back to her and smiled faintly. “But Grandpa is dead, isn’t he? Eleanor, you might raise me, but only to survive. Dad, however, will give me a brilliant future.” Daniel tried to reason with me too. “Harper, have you thought through the consequences of living with this demon?” I ignored him. Mason, however, seemed pleased with my attitude, gesturing for me to get into the passenger seat. Mom watched me get into his car, then collapsed to the ground, a cold laugh escaping her lips. “Dad, do you see now? You raised an animal’s daughter, an ungrateful wretch, for over a decade!” I held back the tears in my eyes, recalling Mom and Daniel’s conversation I’d overheard yesterday. “Taking down the Masons won’t be easy. His family is powerful and influential. Not to mention how many lawyers would even take this case. Even if they did, we don’t have one hundred percent concrete evidence to put him away. It might just make him more vigilant. This needs a long-term strategy.” Daniel gently embraced Mom. “But right now, there’s another tricky matter. Harper, what do you want to do about her?” Mom hesitated before speaking. “I hate her. It’s a hate that, even knowing she had no choice, I just can’t bring myself to raise her without resentment. Am I a bad person? An irresponsible mother?” Daniel softly reassured her. “Eleanor, you are you, first and foremost. Only then are you a mother. No one has the right to demand that you love someone, or to judge you for hating them.” Mom’s eyes moistened, not with tears of despair, breakdown, or pain. But with tears of happiness, from being understood and comforted. Daniel is so good. Mom is so good. Chloe is good too. They are the perfect family of three. This happy family was never meant to include me. As for me, I’ll be the final chess piece to bring down the Masons.

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