My husband and I had been trying to conceive for three years, but I never once fell pregnant. It wasn’t until I was having folic acid with my best friend, Chloe, who was a doctor. She snatched the bottle from my hand. A strange look crossed her face as she crushed one of the pills into a fine powder. “This isn’t folic acid at all,” she said, her voice sharp. “These are birth control pills.” I took the pills to a lab for testing, just as Chloe advised. Turns out, I’d been on birth control for three years. Julian Sterling, my husband, had been the one to give me those pills. Every time before we were intimate, he’d sweetly coax me into taking one. I was just about to confront him with the test results when a message popped up in our mutual friends’ SnapChat group, from Serena Hayes. The image was of a pregnancy test stick, displaying two stark, unmistakably dark lines. 【Honey, want to make a bet?】 【Do you think I’ll give birth to a little Julian, or a little Serena?】 【I’m betting on a little Julian.】 Two minutes later, she posted again, feigning embarrassment: 【Oops, sorry everyone, sent to the wrong person.】 【Can’t unsend it now, just pretend you didn’t see it.】 I let out a cold, bitter laugh. Finally, the last shred of my conscience crumbled. I replied to the lingering regret from my youth: 【One month. I’m coming with you.】 *** A stunned silence fell over the group chat. Eventually, someone spoke up: 【Well, congratulations!】 【When did you two get married?】 【You didn’t even tell us, we’d love to celebrate your wedding!】 Someone in the group initiated a payment transfer, with the memo stating it was a wedding gift. Everyone quickly followed suit. Serena posted two shy, bashful emojis. 【Thank you for all the blessings, everyone. No need to get carried away, just pretend you didn’t see anything.】 【How can we pretend? Even if you didn’t invite us to the wedding, we can’t forget our friendship!】 【Exactly! You and Julian finally got together, as your friends, we have to celebrate!】 This was Julian’s college buddies’ SnapChat group. He’d added me after we got our marriage license. He said, “These are all my friends, it’s good for you to meet them.” When they asked Julian who he’d added, he simply replied: 【A friend.】 【If she’s a friend, introduce her! Maybe one of us single guys can hit it off with her!】 Julian fell silent, and so did I. I’d been lurking in that group ever since. Back then, Serena had even snapped at them: 【Stop acting so desperate every time you see a girl.】 【Go find your own dates.】 The Sterling and Miller families were both incredibly influential and wealthy. Our parents had always wanted to arrange a grand wedding. But Julian always said, “I’m in the prime of my career right now, I don’t even have time to plan a simple wedding, let alone a grand one.” “Let’s talk about it later.” That ‘later’ dragged on for five years. I’d long given up hope for a grand wedding. If it happened, fine. If not, also fine. Julian’s friends in the group had no idea he was married, much less that he hadn’t married Serena, who everyone in college had called the golden couple. My phone kept buzzing with group messages, clutched tight in my hand, its screen a constant glow. I stared coldly at the display, tears blurring my vision, streaming down my face, separating from my very soul. But I didn’t know how to unleash the pain and fury churning inside me. For a moment, I’d hoped Julian would step in, declaring it all a rumor. Yet, as the group chat went wild, the main character, frantically tagged by everyone, remained completely silent. Serena collected the virtual red envelopes. 【Thanks, everyone! Consider this a little gift for the baby.】 【Once the baby’s born, we’ll invite you all for a gathering.】 【You all *have* to come show your support then, for the little one in my belly. Thank you~】 From Serena’s tone, they were determined to have this baby. A suffocating feeling filled my chest. I opened the window to let in some air. Standing on the balcony, I gulped down the outside air, my heart feeling like it was about to give out. After a while in the cold breeze, I calmed down. I took screenshots of the chat history, then quietly exited the group. I was still lost in thought, sitting in a corner of the balcony, when Julian, unexpectedly, came home early. He pulled me up from the floor and closed the window. “It’s the middle of winter, sitting on the floor with the window open. Aren’t you afraid of getting sick?” I stared at him. He seemed genuinely concerned, fussing with my clothes, but somehow, the man in front of me felt like a stranger. Not like before. Was it because he’d done something wrong, that he felt guilty now? I felt a surge of repulsion, twisting my body to avoid his touch. “Don’t touch me.” He paused, then finally met my gaze. His eyes seemed to brand me as unreasonable, and he said dismissively: “Is this about the group chat?” “Audrey, didn’t we agree before we got married that we just needed to satisfy our parents?” “Now they’re happy with our situation, and so am I. What more could you want?” Julian and my marriage wasn’t about love; it was born of necessity. The Miller and Sterling families were old friends, family friends for generations. I went to study abroad in high school, while Julian stayed home. Our relationship was far from what our parents shared; we barely kept in touch. When I returned after my studies, both sets of parents conspired to get us together. My parents resorted to emotional blackmail and threats, practically pulling out all the stops, saying, “Your union is the best choice.” “We’ve paved a clear path for your happiness, don’t insist on making things difficult.” “I’m telling you, I will never approve of that boyfriend you have. Not unless your father and I are dead.”
During that time, they focused all their energy on us. They took away our bank cards and phones, and stationed bodyguards outside our doors. Their only job was to watch Julian and me. I had no choice but to break up with my boyfriend, fulfilling my parents’ wishes. Before we got our marriage license, Julian had said coolly, “We’re practically comrades in arms. Just satisfy them, don’t take anything else seriously.” I knew he only had eyes for Serena, but I never imagined he would openly cheat like this. And, to prevent me from getting pregnant, he’d fed me birth control for three years. Even though it was a fake marriage from the start, five years is still five years. To say I wasn’t heartbroken would be a lie. To say I wasn’t disgusted would also be a lie. I asked him, “So you want to keep this child?” As the words left my mouth, I already knew the answer. If Julian hadn’t given his permission, Serena wouldn’t have accepted all those gifts. She wouldn’t dig a pit for herself to fall into. Julian gritted his teeth. “Audrey, I want a child.” I couldn’t hold back. I slapped him across the face. Everything became so ridiculous, my laughter and tears bursting forth simultaneously. I walked into the bedroom. The medicine test report lay on the table. So did the hospital’s diagnostic report. Furious, I snatched them up and flung the reports at Julian’s face. “Julian Sterling, look at this yourself.” “The folic acid you gave me… it was birth control, wasn’t it?” He suddenly looked panicked, clutching the two reports, his eyes darting back and forth. His voice trembled. “Audrey…” “You fed me birth control for three years, and now you tell me you want a child?” “If you absolutely had to have a child with Serena, you could have just told me directly. I would have helped you keep it from our parents.” “But instead, you disguised birth control as folic acid and tricked me into taking it.” “I can accept anything, Julian, except you hurting me.” Looking back at the five years I’d been married to Julian, it felt somewhat unreal. Aside from most of our time being spent maintaining a polite distance, like respectful acquaintances, there were moments of genuine connection, even passion. Sometimes, after a few drinks, he’d cling to me, calling out “Wife” again and again. “Do you feel happy with our life? I feel very happy.” Then he’d hold me even tighter. When I’d go to make him a hangover cure, he’d pull me back, refusing to let me go. “Nothing works better than you being right here with me, a better cure than any soup.” “Just stay with me.” At first, I wondered if he was mistaking me for someone else. But as time went on, I accepted it, willingly immersing myself in the scent of alcohol on his skin. He’d surprise me with little romantic gestures now and then. On holidays and festivals, he’d charm both sets of parents effortlessly. He’d often be at my parents’ house, his arm around my waist, saying, “Don’t worry, Mom and Dad, Audrey is truly wonderful.” “Marrying her was the best decision I ever made.” Even though I always felt he was just putting on an act. But in those moments, I’d always have this illusion, that Julian and I were truly destined to spend our lives together. Even if not as lovers, then as family. How could he be so cruel, so heartless, to silently watch me take birth control for three years? If Chloe hadn’t discovered it, I would have kept taking them indefinitely. His hand, holding the reports, trembled slightly, his gaze unfocused. The words were barely squeezed from his throat: “I was afraid you’d be upset.” “You won’t have to take them anymore.” Two short sentences. No apology, no concern. Just the evasion of a man caught in the act. I let out a cold snort. Afraid I’d be upset? Or afraid that if he told me the truth, his desires wouldn’t be met? Julian’s selfishness and hypocrisy oozed out of him. I felt nothing but disgust. “Julian Sterling, you say it so lightly. Do you have any idea how much agony I went through, thinking it was *my* problem, anxious to the point of insomnia?” I slowly took the hospital diagnostic report from his hand, pointing to the results. “The doctor said I’ve taken too much birth control. My hormones are completely out of whack, and it might even lead to infertility.” “You only want a child with the woman you love. Did it ever occur to you that I, too, should have the right to be a mother?”
“Now you’re satisfied, aren’t you? You don’t have to drug me anymore; it’ll be hard for me to get pregnant anyway.” My voice hitched, and tears flowed even more heavily than before. My body trembled, shaken by the force of my sorrow. “But we have no future, Julian. I hate you.” After the pills’ components were identified, I immediately made an appointment at the hospital to check my body, just to be safe. Everything was so brutally real. I hadn’t escaped the damage those pills had caused. When the doctor told me it would be difficult for me to conceive in the future, that’s when my hatred for Julian truly began. Now, my hatred for Julian had reached its peak. I would never forgive him. I walked into the bedroom and locked the door. Just then, my laptop screen lit up. It was another message from Dr. Leo Maxwell. He had been waiting for me in the States for a long time. Ever since we officially broke up, he’d sent me an email every week. And now, an email arrived as promised. I hastily wiped the tears from my face. Pulling myself together, I opened and read the email. Attached was a blurry photo of a black hole. 【Observed another collapsing star today, Audrey. How have you been? I miss you terribly.】 【After I retire, to keep myself from becoming a sad black hole, I’ll definitely come back home and stay by your side.】 【But it’s still too far away. My heart aches missing you.】 Leo had grown up abroad, always with a touch of that foreign dry humor. Over the past five years, the emails he’d sent me had piled up, filling my entire inbox. The photos he’d taken for me, the sweet words he’d written – I’d backed them all up separately, always afraid they’d disappear over time. But I had never replied to him. For all this time, it had been his one-sided show. Because unlike Julian, I knew I was married, and I had my own sense of propriety and honor. I always thought that with time, Leo would eventually move on from me. But he never did. I sat there, quietly scrolling through his old letters. Memories flooded my mind, and for a fleeting second, it felt like two tiny figures were wrestling in my heart. My phone chimed. Julian had transferred ten million dollars to my card, with a message: 【This was my fault. This is your compensation.】 As I looked at the ten million dollars and realized it couldn’t even begin to erase my hatred, I finally understood: for the rest of my life, I needed to live for myself. Once I’d processed that thought, a thrill ran through me. I replied to Leo’s email: 【It’s not far. Wait for me one month. I’m coming with you.】 Since the argument with Julian, we had tacitly been sleeping in separate rooms. I slept in the master bedroom, and he slept in the guest room. But when I got up at night, I often saw the open guest room door, empty and dark. He was probably spending the night at Serena’s house. But now, I didn’t care where he spent the night. I packed up my belongings in the bedroom, slowly arranged for them to be shipped, and Leo would receive them in the States. One day, Julian bought me a gift. It was a stunning, jeweled headpiece I’d spent a long time admiring at a boutique counter. He also, for the first time ever, brought out a bottle of vintage red wine he’d been saving and cooked an elaborate dinner for me. “Audrey, Grandfather’s birthday is in a few days. Can we just… not fight for now?” Again, it was all for the sake of appearances for both families. We were already used to putting on a show for such grand occasions. I agreed, “Alright.” Ever since Grandfather Sterling turned seventy, his birthday celebrations had always been lavish. We went to the most exclusive restaurant in the city, filling the entire place with people. My family, Julian’s family, and many business partners and friends. Before entering, Julian extended his hand to me. As usual, I took it. He then pried my fingers open, forcing his fingers to interlace with mine. I tried to pull away, but he held on tight, making my knuckles ache. When he saw me settle down, he smiled, satisfied, and then walked through the restaurant’s main doors. Serena Hayes was there too. She was busy helping out Julian’s family. Julian’s smile vanished instantly, a flicker of unease in his eyes. During the meal, the same dreaded conversation about starting a family was once again thrown my way. My mom and mother-in-law, one after another: “Are you two playing tricks on us? You’ve been married for five years, and trying to conceive for three, why is there still no news?”
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