Eight months into my pregnancy, I had an accidental fall and started bleeding. My husband Ryan refused to help me. He vomited, then pushed me off to someone else. He never came to see me in the hospital. Not after I lost the baby. Not even when I was discharged. My friends tried to console me. “Don’t blame him, Cassie. We all know about his hemophobia. You’re young, you’ll have another baby.” Maybe they were right. I’d known about his condition since our first date. So I didn’t blame him. Then, on the day of my baby’s funeral, a junior assistant from his company pricked her finger. I saw my husband gently took her hand and brought her finger to his lips. And I understood. He could overcome his fear for some people. Just not for me. Not for our baby. I sat in the passenger seat, holding the urn containing my baby’s ashes. All the way there, Ryan kept glancing at me, his face filled with guilt. “Cassie, you know I have hemophobia. I wanted to take you to the hospital that day, but the moment I saw your blood, my body just froze, and I started throwing up…” I didn’t say anything. I just traced the lid of the urn, imagining I was touching my daughter’s tiny head. He wasn’t lying. He’d had this condition his whole life. In college, during a routine physical, they drew just two milliliters of his blood, and he fainted on the spot. And his condition only worsened. By now, the sight of a syringe would make him break out in a cold sweat, and he’d always have to grip my hand tightly. Our friends used to joke about us. “Ryan, you got the best catch among us, buddy. Cassie, you’re going to have to be his protector from now on.” I protected him. But who was going to protect me and our baby? “Where are you going?” On the way to the cemetery, Ryan suddenly turned into a side road. “Oh, I’m just picking up Chloe. She heard about the baby and has been heartbroken, barely sleeping for days. She insisted on coming to the funeral.” “She said it would feel ‘less lonely’ with more people, so I didn’t tell you in advance. You don’t mind, do you?” Less lonely? For the sake of our baby’s funeral, I decided not to argue with him today. Chloe was his assistant, someone who always seemed to stir up trouble around us. At our wedding, she ‘accidentally’ stepped on my wedding gown, making me trip and scrape my knee. One evening, when I was cooking for a holiday dinner, she offered to ‘help’ me in the kitchen. But while I was chopping vegetables, she somehow turned and bumped my elbow, making me cut my finger. And this miscarriage… Ryan literally pushed me off to her, and she drove us down the most congested road, causing me to miss the critical window for treatment. Now, here she was again. After stopping the car, Ryan hurried over to Chloe, taking a package from her hands. Chloe’s face looked incredibly drawn. Ryan asked, concerned, “Look how exhausted you are. Your face is so pale. Haven’t you been resting?” “Ryan, these are clothes and shoes I sewed for the baby. Do you think she’ll like them?” Chloe took out a few delicate little outfits from the package, showing them to Ryan. Suddenly, Ryan gripped her hand, his expression tense. “What happened here? Are you hurt?” Chloe pulled her hand back slightly, lowering her eyes. “It’s nothing. I just pricked my finger this morning while finishing up. Isn’t the funeral starting soon? We should hurry.” “No way! Those sewing needles aren’t sterile, Chloe! If you don’t get that wound treated, it’ll get infected!” Ryan took a deep breath, as if making a monumental decision. Then he took her finger into his mouth and sucked on it forcefully. I heard passersby muttering, “So shameless, displaying affection right on the street!” My heart clenched painfully. So it turned out he could conquer his hemophobia. He just couldn’t overcome it for me and our baby.
I was trembling all over, the memory of begging Ryan to take me to the hospital that day flooding my mind. Back then, his vomiting wasn’t faked. But now, him overcoming his hemophobia for Chloe was just as real. He yanked open the car door and shoved the clothes Chloe had supposedly sewn for the baby into my lap. “Cassie, something unexpected came up. Chloe got hurt making these clothes for the baby. I have to rush her to the hospital now. If it gets infected, it’ll be too late.” Perhaps I’d accumulated so much disappointment in him that at this moment, his words barely registered with me. Chloe, however, shook her head. “No, Ryan, you’re the baby’s father. What kind of message does it send if you don’t attend her funeral?” “I’ll be fine on my own. So what if my finger gets gangrene? I won’t let that stop you from being with your child!” Ryan, flustered, tugged at my arm, nearly making me drop the urn. “Cassie, didn’t you hear Chloe? You’re married, you were almost a mother yourself! How can you be less sensible than a young girl like her? Get out of the car, now!” I stiffly turned my head. “What do you mean? You want me to get out?” Ryan said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, “What else? It’s hard to get a cab at this hour, so of course I’ll drive Chloe to the hospital. What does the exact time of the funeral matter? The baby’s gone. We need to focus on the living.” Before I could even agree, he roughly pulled and dragged me out of the passenger seat. I clutched the urn, afraid to fight back. Before leaving, Chloe gave me an apologetic look. “I’m so sorry, Cassie. I didn’t want this, but Ryan is just so worried about me. Please try to understand.” I wasn’t in the mood to argue with them. I hailed a cab and went to the cemetery. I buried my child like a single mother. It seemed that ever since Chloe appeared, Ryan’s time with me had been extremely limited. If his parents hadn’t pushed him so hard, he wouldn’t have even wanted a child with me. It felt as though the baby was mine alone. After the burial, I leaned against the headstone, unable to leave. Days of exhaustion and overwhelming grief finally made me drift off to sleep. The cemetery manager woke me up. My first thought was to call Ryan. Not to ask him to pick me up, but just to hope he’d come see our child one last time. But it was Chloe who answered. “Hello, Cassie. Ryan is so tired, he fell asleep on my lap. Ugh, he’s so heavy, my leg’s gone numb. If it’s not urgent, don’t wake him up, okay?” I calmly said, “It’s fine. Let him sleep.” I hung up immediately and called my lawyer. “Draw up a divorce agreement for me.” “I don’t want any assets, just a divorce, right now.” Ryan didn’t come home that night, but I didn’t bombard him with calls like I used to. The next day, I brought the divorce agreement to Ryan’s family dinner. To my surprise, Ryan brought Chloe along. His excuse was that Chloe was hurt because of our child, so he had to take care of her. At the dinner table, everyone, subtly and not-so-subtly, was blaming me. Why it took us three years to want a baby, and then, why I didn’t ‘cherish’ it enough once I was pregnant. No one cared about my recovery, and no one questioned why Chloe chose the most congested road that day. I didn’t want to make a scene before leaving, but I wasn’t going to be a doormat either. “Fine. I never wanted this baby in the first place. I intentionally aborted it, happy now?”
I walked away from the table, leaving a stunned silence behind me. Ryan quickly, awkwardly, explained, “Cassie is just grieving too much. She’s upset, and she’s just saying things she doesn’t mean. Don’t take it to heart.” After dinner, he came to find me. “Cassie, what you said earlier was completely out of line. Don’t you know how much Mom and Dad want us to have a child? Look, just focus on recovering, and we can try for another one later.” Before, I was the one begging Ryan for a baby, and I distinctly remembered his sanctimonious excuses for always refusing me. “Forget it. I’m already considered an older mother. For my health, it’s best if we remain DINKs.” His thin lips twitched, as if he had something stuck in his throat. “You can find someone younger to have kids with. Chloe seems suitable. Don’t worry, I don’t mind.” I pulled out the divorce agreement. “Sign it.” He didn’t even look, pushing the agreement aside. “Cassie, what are you even saying? Anyone who heard that would think Chloe and I have some illicit affair. Her SnapChat story yesterday was just a joke, she’s young, sometimes she speaks without thinking.” I repeated, incredulous, “SnapChat story?” “Yeah, this one. Didn’t you see it?” Ryan opened Chloe’s SnapChat. “OMG, you guys! My bossy boss said he’d take care of me, and he ended up sleeping on my lap! Guess I’m not good enough at training him yet…” It was accompanied by a photo of Ryan fast asleep on her lap. The comments flooded in: “Is that Mr. Ryan?? Chloe, are you moving in?” “The vibe is totally different. The boss and his little trophy wife?” “Chloe, is it too late for me to get on your good side?” These were her inner circle from the office. Since we weren’t connected on social media, they didn’t bother to hold back. In the past, I would’ve stormed into the office and ripped them a new one. But now, I felt no such urge. “Oh, I did see it. It’s fine, I know they’re just joking. Just sign this first.” Ryan took the agreement, but before he could even read its contents, Chloe bounded in behind him. She clapped his shoulders, making Ryan jump. “Ryan, what are you doing?” she asked playfully. Ryan played along, pretending to be startled by her, then found the signature line and signed his name with a flourish. I had landed many of the company’s biggest deals; he probably thought this was some new business contract. He handed the divorce agreement back to me, and I finally let out a sigh of relief. “Nothing, just talking to Cassie. She’s still upset with me about your SnapChat story yesterday.” Hearing this, Chloe’s eyes immediately sparkled. She said weakly, “Cassie, Ryan didn’t know when I posted that story. If you’re angry, please take it out on me. Don’t take it out on Ryan and his family. I was just thoughtless, I apologize.” She used pretty much the same line when she hurt my hand, and the time before that when she hurt my knee at the wedding. Ryan gently patted her shoulder. “Cassie is older, she doesn’t appreciate those kinds of jokes. You need to be more careful next time.” Chloe stuck out her tongue playfully. “Okay, next time I’ll just block Cassie.” Ryan roared with laughter at her comment. Seeing their easy camaraderie, I suddenly felt like an outsider. Well, it was true. I had the divorce agreement in hand; it was only a matter of time now.
Ryan suddenly spoke. “This whole situation with the baby has caused you a lot of trouble, too. Driving Cassie to the hospital, and then hurting your finger sewing clothes for the baby.” “Chloe, what gift do you want? I’ll buy it for you.” Chloe bit her thumb, thinking deeply before asking, “Anything?” “Of course. My word is my bond.” Chloe nodded, eyes downcast, and tentatively said, “Actually, I really love Cassie’s wedding dress, but I’m afraid Cassie won’t agree.” I couldn’t help but narrow my eyes. Ryan had bought my wedding dress. We had chosen the style together, and it was handcrafted by eight master artisans over six hundred hours, incredibly exquisite, a true work of art. Ryan had told me then that he wanted me to be the most beautiful bride in the world. But now, he hesitated, looking at me, giving me obvious signals. I knew exactly what he wanted: for me to be understanding, gracious, and to proactively agree to Chloe’s request. But this time, I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. I looked at him with an impassive face. He couldn’t stand it anymore and finally spoke. “Cassie, we only wear a wedding dress once in our lives. It’s just gathering dust at home. Wouldn’t it be more meaningful to give it to someone who loves it? What do you say?” “Besides, as a boss, my word is my bond. You’re my wife, you should uphold my reputation, right? I’ll buy you an even more expensive one later, I promise.” My heart ached. As if my reluctance was solely due to the dress’s monetary value. But then I looked down at the divorce agreement clutched in my hand. He was right. There was nothing left to cling to. “Take it.” I agreed, but Ryan’s expression was subtle. It wasn’t the relief I expected, but surprise. Ryan had been drinking, so I drove us home. He pulled up countless wedding dress photos on his phone, showing them to me and repeatedly emphasizing their value. I barely glanced, casually saying, “Whatever.” He suddenly got upset. “Cassie, I gave you enough face in front of my parents. Why are you still being difficult? Which of these dresses I picked out isn’t more expensive than the one at home?” I countered, “Are you implying I’m throwing a fit just because of the cost?” Ryan then seemed to remember something. After much hesitation, he said, “Let’s go to the cemetery. To see the baby.” “No need. You weren’t there the two times you absolutely should have been. Why the sudden crocodile tears now?” Ryan grabbed my hand, speaking earnestly. “Cassie, please, I’m begging you, take me to see the baby. No matter what, I’m her father. Not attending the funeral yesterday was thoughtless of me.” I had given up on Ryan, but I still had a lingering desire for our baby to see her father. So I changed direction and headed for the cemetery. Halfway there, his phone rang. It was Chloe. I didn’t know what happened on the other end, but Ryan’s expression grew tense. “Chloe, don’t panic. Whatever it is, we’ll handle it together. Please don’t do anything rash. I’m on my way to you right now!” He frantically hung up, about to speak to me, but I cut him off. “Should I drive you to Chloe’s place?” “Yes… Cassie, Chloe has an emergency. I have to go to her immediately. You know how she…” I waved a hand. “It’s fine. Really.” We drove in silence until the car stopped in front of Chloe’s apartment building. “I’ll go see the baby once I’ve sorted this out. If you don’t want the wedding dress, pick out any other gift you want, and I’ll buy it for you!” With that, he hurriedly unbuckled his seatbelt and rushed out of the car. For several days, Ryan didn’t come home. I used that time to move out. When he returned, I would finalize the divorce. I had ordered many baby supplies online, and they had been arriving in bits and pieces over the past few days. Looking at the adorable little clothes, my heart ached again. My daughter could have been the most beautiful little princess in the world, but a cold “termination of pregnancy” had brought her life to an end. I had bought a plot in the most prestigious cemetery in the city, which had a designated area for mourning and remembrance. That day, I brought the baby clothes there. From a distance, I saw a crowd gathered around my daughter’s grave. I rushed over, only to watch in horror as my daughter’s urn was tossed aside by several burly men. “Stop it!” I screamed, but it was too late. The urn shattered on impact, and my daughter’s ashes scattered into the wind. Ryan and Chloe stood right in the middle of the crowd. Chloe cried as she spoke to me, “Cassie, I’m so sorry. I didn’t get a chance to tell you. My mom passed away, and this is the best cemetery plot in the entire city. Ryan and I discussed it, and he agreed to let me have the plot. So I asked some relatives to help me retrieve the baby’s ashes for you.” “But they really didn’t mean to. They didn’t realize the urn was so fragile.” I knelt frantically on the ground, trying to gather my daughter’s ashes, but most had already blown away, and the rest were mixed with the dirt. I lunged at Chloe like a madwoman, but Ryan blocked me. Ryan said, “Cassie, she said she’s sorry, what more do you want from her? Our baby wasn’t even born yet, how can you compare her to Chloe’s mother? Can’t you be a little more understanding?” My vision blurred with rage, my teeth chattered. I had never been so furious in my life. “Listen to me, all of you! If anyone dares to lay a hand on my daughter’s grave again, I’ll kill them! Now get out of here, all of you!” Ryan still wouldn’t let go, so I bit a chunk right out of his arm. That bloody sight finally made everyone retreat.
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