I raised that snake for twelve years. Then I saw him with his hands around my sister’s waist, whispering sweet things meant for me. “Who would like a short, weak little freak like her?”He laughed, talking about me. In that moment, I finally understood. I hadn’t saved a partner. I’d raised a snake who would bite the hand that fed him. So I handed him the termination papers and walked away. Later, he went crazy looking for me. But by then, I was already in the arms of someone who actually knew how to hold me. Raven was a sickly little snake I’d adopted. It wasn’t uncommon for humans and shifters to pair and bond. My family had been bonded with snake shifters for generations. From a young age, each of us would either be gifted a snake beast-man by our parents or find one on our own. But I was out of favor, so I quietly went and found my own little snake. When I found Raven in a dilapidated sewer drain, he was tiny and frail. His body, having just shed its skin, was incredibly weak, and he was barely clinging to life. I saved him, and I raised him for twelve years. Raising a snake took immense energy, resources, and money. Raising a sick snake was adding insult to injury. And being an unfavored, penniless person? That was like adding insult to injury and then some. Thankfully, Raven grew up healthy. His bronzed, muscular lines curved smoothly down, outlining his taut waist, yet his snake form kept him from looking bulky, instead giving him a certain delicate grace. Many in my family said I’d struck gold, finding such a handsome snake-shifter. I’d just smile, never saying a word. Only I truly understood the bitter reality of our bond. Raven rarely initiated physical contact with me. Even when I had to train for my snake-bonding rituals, he rarely cooperated. He’d always be cold-faced, impatiently wrapping himself around my arm, his scales grating painfully against my skin. I constantly reassured myself that snakes were cold-blooded, and that was why he didn’t want to be affectionate with me. Until that day I saw him, his face flushed, carefully wrapping himself around my sister Lana’s calf, softly asking her, “Does it hurt?” Lana looked helpless, gently pushing his head away. “Raven, I know you like me, but you’re my sister’s companion. This isn’t right for us.” His face instantly hardened, and he scoffed. “I don’t care. I only like you. Who would ever like that short little freak?” Lana tried to protest further, but Raven moved closer, wrapping around her waist, his scales smoothed against her, playfully tickling her. Raven was *flirting*. Scene after scene from the past twelve years flashed through my mind. Raven rarely smiled, but during family dinners, sitting across from me, his face always held a faint smile. Looking back now, he was never looking at me. He was looking at my sister, Lana, beside me. The signs had been there all along, but I had just been too blind to see them. I had thought that my adopting this sickly little snake was a mutual rescue, a fate that brought us together. But I never imagined it was precisely because I was a freak that he disliked me. It felt like my heart was being squeezed. That tiny flicker of hope I’d harbored for years, which used to tickle my heart, suddenly sharpened into a blade, piercing right through me.
On my way home, I passed a clothing store and couldn’t help but stop. Lana had one of the dresses displayed in the window. The sales assistant looked hesitant but, seeing my persistence, handed me a set of clothes. The girl in the changing room was small, barely reaching half the height of the full-length mirror. My chest was flat, my limbs slender and weak – the body of someone too frail to properly bond with a snake-shifter. That outfit, which looked absolutely stunning on Lana, made me look like a precocious little girl secretly wearing her mother’s high heels. Images of Lana with her shifter automatically flashed through my mind. Tall, with long limbs, Lana looked incredibly beautiful when she bonded with a snake-shifter. Raven wrapped around her, they looked perfectly matched. No wonder Raven didn’t like me. From the day I was born, even my own parents didn’t want me. I hadn’t developed properly in the womb, born with a frail constitution. I grew slower and stayed shorter than everyone else. Even as an adult, I still looked like an eleven or twelve-year-old child. Others would mock me: “A freak of nature in a family of revered snake-tamers! She’ll probably snap her arm just trying to handle one.” Those cruel words pricked at my heart like thorns that couldn’t be removed, and they brought shame to my parents’ faces too. They learned their lesson and were extra attentive when Lana was conceived. And that extra care gave them every snake-shifter’s dream match – she grew fast and tall. With Lana, they cared for me even less. It was as if they were a complete family of three, and I was just a poorly-nurtured burden. I stared at my small hands, angrily digging my nails into my palm, then curled my fingers into fists, silently sobbing.
I arrived home, my eyes swollen raw, like bruised fruit. Raven was sitting on the sofa, his expression impatient and chillingly cold. “What took you so long? Do you know I’m starving?” I sniffled, my emotions, just barely controlled, surged up again. “I’ll order you some takeout later, I’m a little tired.” He scoffed, “Ha, you want me to eat takeout?” Not wanting to argue, I sighed. My foot, already stepping towards the bathroom, changed direction, heading to the kitchen instead. I usually cooked for Raven. He never lifted a finger in the kitchen. Even with a fridge full of ingredients, he was too pampered to dirty his precious hands. Once before, I’d come home late, and Raven had thrown a terrible fit because he was hungry. I thought he was specially waiting for me to eat, and, filled with guilt and a tiny bit of joy, I cooked him a huge meal. But as I pulled out a chair, about to sit down, he threw cold water on my hopes. “You reek of cooking oil. Go take a shower.” Snapping back to reality, I placed the prepared meal in front of him, but Raven didn’t touch it. “Why do you smell like another shifter?” I raised my arm and sniffed. It was probably from the clothing store earlier. I suddenly remembered when I was little and had no money, I had to hike up the mountain to hunt wild rabbits and pheasants to feed him. He’d grumble, chewing on the tough, stringy meat. He’d complain about the mud on my face and the scent of other shifters on me, always keeping his distance. “I’ll go shower now.” I set the cutlery on the table and walked towards the bathroom, but Raven swept the cooked meal onto the floor with a single arm. “Nova Miller, aren’t you going to explain yourself?” A shard of ceramic from the shattered bowl cut my calf, and the pain instantly sharpened my mind. Some people are just so strange. They don’t love you, but they still want to possess you. They give you the illusion of being cherished, of being cared for, when all they truly want is to extract more love from *you*. Raven was exactly like that. For the first time, I looked at him with a cold face. “Explain what? “It’s fine for you to smell like other people, but I can’t?” A flicker of surprise crossed his face. But it was quickly replaced by anger. “You’re doubting me? “Don’t forget who presumptuously saved you?” I didn’t answer, stepping past him to get the first-aid kit. I brushed past his arm, and he immediately flinched back, the sharp edges of his scales scraping me. His voice was colder than his expression. “Don’t touch me.” Right. He barely let me touch him even during bonding training. Outside of training? That was a pipe dream. I gave a self-deprecating laugh. I used to think he was just a cold-blooded creature, too hard to warm, too wild to tame. Turns out, he just didn’t like *me*. Twelve years of sincere companionship from a freak meant nothing compared to his instant infatuation with a ‘normal’ person.
I took a dissolution of adoption agreement from my bag. “I’m sorry. Sorry for presumptuously saving you, for intruding into over ten years of your life without permission, and for making you unhappy. “So, let’s part ways amicably. “May you finally achieve everything you wish for, and live a life filled with joy and ease.” Raven ground his molars together, a sound of pure rage, his face dark as he asked, “What do you mean?” I said calmly, “It means we’re breaking up.” I then pulled out a property transfer deed and a bank card for him. “I sold the house. We’ll split the money evenly, and with this bank card, you’ll have enough to buy a small studio apartment for yourself.” His face grew even darker. “You’re abandoning me? “Didn’t you say you loved me?” Did I love Raven? I had wondered about that myself. I had never truly received love, so I wasn’t entirely sure what love felt like. I just thought that love meant being good to someone. I looked up at the small house filled with our memories. I had moved out with Raven after I came of age. At first, he was reluctant. Back then, I had to both study and work to support him, so I was always out early and back late, with little time to spend with him. He’d be all alone in that cramped rental apartment, his snake tail sticking out from the folding bed with nowhere to go. I thought that was why he was reluctant. So I worked seven or eight jobs, saving up to buy a house for him. Even then, he still didn’t want to touch me, locking his bedroom door even though we each had our own room. But I still wanted to melt his icy demeanor. He was my responsibility, the one I had saved and raised. I couldn’t just abandon him. Yet, I had seen how others in my family interacted with their shifters. My childhood friend, Hailey, had a snow leopard beast-man. That snow leopard had been very arrogant when first adopted, but Hailey’s gentle persistence eventually melted his icy heart. He’d affectionately rub against Hailey’s neck, and gently lick the back of her hand. Like a mouse in the gutter, I watched, craving a beauty that wasn’t mine. I searched for shifter vlogs online, learning their preferred ways of care. I spoiled him rotten, never letting him do any chores, giving him whatever he wanted. I never thought that what was my sweet gesture was his bitter poison. I also thought that one day I could truly enter Raven’s heart, but his heart had long been occupied by someone else. Perhaps I had loved Raven once, but those feelings had slowly eroded over the years. Until I saw him wrapped around Lana – that was when the melting snow mountain of my hope finally crumbled into dust. “I don’t love you anymore.”
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