Seven years since it happened, I threw up again during intimacy. Asher, who had been by my side through every grueling therapy session, finally snapped. “If you hadn’t insisted on saving Seraphina from that rapist, you wouldn’t have been targeted in retaliation! You’re a damn psychologist, Iris! Why can’t you fix yourself?” As he cleaned up my vomit, he scrubbed my skin raw with the brush. “You’re the one who’s been defiled and broken, I haven’t even called you disgusting, why are you always throwing up?” I had prepared a surprise for Asher, wanting to explain everything. But then I saw him working hard on Seraphina’s bed. “You both went through the same thing, so how can you make such beautiful sounds in bed?” “Do you think that woman is faking it?” The pregnancy test report slipped from my hand and fell to the floor. The explanation I never got to say lodged in my throat. I wasn’t faking it. I was just pregnant. As his brush tore at my skin, leaving me raw and bleeding, I didn’t flinch. When I felt warm liquid splash onto my back, I reached out and clutched Asher’s trembling hand. My voice was raw and hoarse, burned by stomach acid. “I’m sorry.” Asher suddenly snapped back to reality, tossing the brush far away. His fingers trembled as he tended to my wounds. He had prepared for this moment of intimacy for a long time. Everything had been going smoothly, and we were both starting to get lost in it. But my vomiting reaction was more violent than ever before. After applying the antiseptic, he instinctively reached out to comfort me, then suddenly remembered something. He pulled his hand back, abruptly leaving without touching me. “I’m sorry, I need to cool off.” Watching him walk away. I wondered if Asher ever regretted saving me from the kidnappers, even if it meant taking three knife wounds himself. Because of the severe PTSD I developed, I resisted all forms of intimacy. Asher had put his entire career on hold, painstakingly guiding me through desensitization therapy, step by agonizing step. His family detested me to their very core because of it. “If it weren’t for that woman, Asher would have taken the company to another level by now.” “Asher’s prime years are being completely wasted on this woman. And it looks like she can’t even have a child. All because she bought into that woman’s misguided kindness.” “Refusing to be a lady of leisure, choosing to be a damn psychologist, going around saving others from rapists – she deserved what she got!” The girl I saved was Seraphina. I never imagined that one day, they would end up in the same bed. I stood outside the room, feeling like I was being ripped in two, alive. One half was a raw, bleeding pain; the other half suspected this was a nightmare, not reality. They finally noticed the movement at the door. Asher’s face went white. “Iris, what are you doing here…?” The heavy, cloying scent of their infidelity hung in the air, and I started dry-heaving uncontrollably. Asher panicked, expertly pouring water, offering me medication, and cleaning up the vomit. Seraphina knocked the water from Asher’s hand, her eyes red as she demanded, “Iris, I don’t understand. I was abused for longer than you, so how come I can be intimate with Asher, and you can’t?” “Asher is a human being, he has desires and emotions, and he gets hurt when he’s rejected. Iris, you haven’t recovered for so long, do you even care about his feelings?” Listening to her indignant questions, I remembered that terrifying memory. My stomach spasmed as if trying to expel every last drop of acid. The pregnancy test results, which I’d meant as a surprise, were now on the floor, soiled and illegible. Seraphina reached out and covered Asher’s eyes, preventing him from looking at the mess. “Don’t look. You’re human too, you’ll get disgusted.” “She doesn’t care about you, but I do.” Asher looked at my pale face, opening his mouth several times, trying to explain something. But his body was still marked with the messy aftermath of their encounter. He simply gave up, a bitter smile twisting his lips. “You already find me disgusting, so what’s one more time?” Asher grabbed his jacket and left, his back slumped in despair. He was right. I wasn’t a good wife. I had no right to question Asher’s infidelity. How many more seven-year cycles of his life would I consume? I dialed my lawyer. “Draw up the divorce papers for me. I’m willing to walk away with nothing.” I needed to give Asher back the vibrant life he deserved.
As I knelt on the floor, painstakingly cleaning up the mess, my mind drifted back to the past. I remembered Asher, covered in blood, holding me tightly. “You’re not dirty. I just came too late.” Asher brought in the best psychologists from across the country to treat me. Countless times, I thought I was getting better. He would kiss me, full of hope. But the next second, I’d throw up all over him. He’d patiently clean it all up, smiling nonchalantly. “I know you’re not disgusted by me, Iris. Don’t be afraid. It’s a sickness, and it will be cured someday.” Truth be told, more than once, I’d seen the balcony littered with cigarette butts late at night. He’d sobbed at my grandmother’s bedside, admitting how exhausted he was, but swearing he’d never give up on me. So I pushed myself through therapy, fighting for recovery, until finally, that day came. But I never expected that everything would already be utterly unrecognizable. A video from Seraphina popped up on my phone. The Asher in the video was consumed by lust, panting, letting Seraphina brand his arm with one cigarette burn after another. “Only with you can I breathe.” Asher had dismissed the crisscrossing scars on his arm with a casual shrug. “Just a lot of stress lately.” I thought they were because of me, and I’d spent sleepless nights racked with guilt. It turned out they were just their sick idea of foreplay. Asher’s voice continued. “I’m sick of feeling disgusted. She despises me, and honestly, I don’t want to be near her anymore. When she throws up, it’s truly revolting.” *Bang!* The phone crashed to the floor. My hands began to tremble violently, twitching uncontrollably. My empty stomach cramped with a brutal, twisting pain. All the gossip and rumors over the years hadn’t hurt half as much as Asher’s single sentence. The phone on the floor suddenly blared, the caregiver’s voice laced with terror. “Hurry! Grandma’s going to jump!” By the time I arrived, my body cold with dread, that figure had already made a resolute leap, landing heavily on the pavement right in front of me. Blood splattered, blurring my vision. My legs gave out, and I crumpled to the ground, my voice abruptly lost, only a hoarse, painful gasp escaping my throat. I frantically dialed Asher’s number, realizing in that moment that I had no one else to turn to. If this was a nightmare, please, just let me wake up. The call connected, and Seraphina’s seductive gasp leaked through the line. “Someone’s calling~” “What could be more important than this right now? Hang up. Focus.” The call was abruptly disconnected. My vision swam with black spots. I couldn’t even recall the face of the boy who used to answer my calls anytime, anywhere, terrified of missing a single message from me. A suicide note was handed to me. Grandma had left only one agonizing sentence. “Why did you follow your mother’s path? I’m sorry, I just don’t have the courage to endure losing another loved one.” My mom, after being betrayed, fell into a deep depression and took her own life in our fish tank. And on my grandma’s phone screen was a news report. The headline read: “New York’s Richest Man Finally Dumps Wife, Attends Prenatal Scans with New Flame.” The accompanying photo showed a blurry profile. Asher gently stroked Seraphina’s belly, a smile of undisguised joy on his face.
With trembling hands, I found a prenatal scan report deep inside Asher’s safe. This safe held his most treasured possessions. The last thing placed inside had been our marriage certificate. The report sent to my grandma’s phone was from an anonymous number. Scrolling up, there was another message: “The kidnapping was my doing. If your daughter hadn’t been so foolishly kind, she wouldn’t have fallen for it. I never imagined their relationship would be so fragile; Asher already finds her disgusting. Your granddaughter will end up just like your daughter—a pathetic woman abandoned by her man.” Grandma always taught me to be kind. So when I met Seraphina, who had been persecuted for so long and suffered from severe depression, I believed her. She pleaded with me to save her, to not call the police, claiming it would ruin her future. I agreed. Neither Grandma nor I ever imagined that my kindness would drag me into hell. When Asher married me, he knelt before my mother’s tombstone and swore an oath: never to betray me. But that vow had finally been worn away by reality. I dry-heaved, spitting out streaks of blood, unable to stand any longer. My vision went completely black. When I next opened my eyes, Asher was wiping my face. Seeing me awake, he immediately pulled his hand back, a strained smile on his lips. “The moment I leave, you turn yourself into this. Are you only happy if you force me to constantly revolve around you? What is this, you despise me, but can’t live without me?” Asher looked exhausted. “Tomorrow, the family estate is hosting a party. I’m begging you, just for my sake, don’t throw up. Don’t let anyone laugh at me for being useless again.” This was the first time in years Asher had begged me. Seeing the few strands of gray already sprouting at his temples, my heart ached. Soon. Once I leave, your life will return to its original path. When I appeared, clinging to Asher’s arm, a ripple of surprised whispers went through the room. “Her inability to touch men… it’s finally gone?” Asher’s expression finally relaxed a little. But in the very next second, I uncontrollably bent over and started dry-heaving. Seraphina walked past, innocently holding a basin of raw chicken blood. “Oh, don’t get the wrong idea, everyone. Iris probably just threw up from the smell of blood. It has nothing to do with Asher.” After being pregnant and then witnessing Grandma die right in front of me, I truly couldn’t stand the slightest whiff of blood. But no one believed Seraphina’s explanation. “Who throws up just from smelling blood? Her illness clearly isn’t cured. She held it in for so long, but she’s still disgusted by Asher.” Asher flung my hand away, his eyes filled with disappointment. “If you’re so disgusted, then stay away from me.” Asher pulled Seraphina closer. Seraphina was dressed head to toe in designer clothes, nurtured and pampered into delicate beauty. There was no trace left of her former gloomy, cowering self. Meanwhile, I was pale and thin, hiding in a corner, vomiting in a pathetic heap, avoided by everyone around me. “They look so perfect together. Seraphina is a truly good woman. She overcame her trauma on her own and found happiness.” “That’s the kind of woman Asher deserves. Not the other one, who’s still half-dead.” The quiet murmurs drifted into my ears, but Asher made no move to refute them. The whispers exploded when Seraphina flashed the diamond ring on her hand. My pupils contracted, my gaze fixed on her ring finger in disbelief. “Iris lost too much weight, so it didn’t fit her anymore. Asher just gave it to me instead. Don’t misunderstand, he hasn’t proposed yet.” Seraphina giggled as she explained. After I lost over ten pounds, Asher had taken off my wedding ring. He’d carefully put it away. “When you’re better, we’ll wear it together again.” But now, that diamond ring, symbolizing eternity, gleamed on Seraphina’s hand, its dazzling light stabbing at my eyes. She covered her mouth, mocking me. “You couldn’t keep your family, and you can’t keep your husband. Iris, your life is truly a failure.” Not wanting to cause any more commotion, I leaned on the sink, pretending not to hear her words. But Seraphina lowered her voice, leaning close to my ear. “Tell me, if your grandma in heaven saw you and your mom, both abandoned women that nobody wants, would she be so angry she’d come back to life?” I lunged, my hands clamping around her throat. The next second, a fierce shove sent me reeling. Asher flung me aside, and I slammed into the wall. “What are you doing to Seraphina?” My phone suddenly rang. It was the funeral home. I ignored the crippling pain in my body and answered. “Ms. Jiang, your grandmother’s and mother’s ashes have been picked up by a woman.”
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