On the packed Amtrak train home for Christmas, a spoiled kid was in my seat. He kicked my seatback and stole my food, while his mother pointed at me and sneered, “You’re an adult. Why are you arguing with a child?” Later, she doctored a clip of me, twisted the story, and sent her followers to cyberbully me— then demanded $300,000 in “emotional damages.” She thought I was just an easy target, an ordinary corporate drone. She didn’t know— the one thing I’m best at is sending people exactly where they belong. “Excuse me, this is my seat. Could you please have your child move?” Looking at the kid bouncing on my Amtrak coach seat, I triple-checked my ticket just to make sure I wasn’t in the wrong car. Work in Silicon Valley had been insane, and I hadn’t made it home for the holidays in three years. This year, I finally snagged a ticket after a last-minute cancellation, and I was all smiles, chatting with Mom and Dad on the phone before boarding. But that smile didn’t last ten minutes before it was wiped clean off my face. I glanced around, but no one seemed to claim the kid. “Hey! Who are you? What do you think you’re doing touching my kid?!” I was just about to guide the kid’s arm, but my hand froze mid-air. I looked at the woman sitting right behind my seat. Just a moment ago, when I’d asked around, she’d been loudly munching on chips without a care. Now, suddenly, she was a fiercely protective mama bear. The kid in the seat showed no sign of fear. Instead, his eyes darted around, fast and calculating. I’m not usually judgmental, but he didn’t look like an innocent child at all. His eyes screamed ‘trouble,’ like he was already plotting something. Being able to go home for Christmas had put me in a great mood. I just pointed at the kid’s mother, not wanting to argue any further. But she wasn’t having it. “What kind of girl are you? You look so young, yet you’re trying to hit my son!” “He’s just a kid, he doesn’t know any better! Besides, it’s not your seat, is it? When you take public transport, you can’t be so picky!” Hearing that, I sized her up. “Oh, so your son gets to act like that because he’s young? Sounds like he’s pretty wild and untamed.” It took her a moment to catch my meaning. She started flailing her arms, ready to grab me, just as the Amtrak conductor came by to check tickets. She huffed and grudgingly sat down, shooting me a dirty look. Someone glaring at me isn’t going to make me lose a piece of myself. Years of corporate life had forged in me an ironclad patience. My home is clear across the country from where I work. By plane, I could be home in two hours, but of course, with the holiday storm cancellations, I couldn’t get a flight. This train ride would take me an entire day to get home. I’d barely been seated for ten minutes when my seatback started vibrating like it had an angry massage chair built into it. Kick after kick, with a relentless rhythm. I gritted my teeth, turned around, and tried to talk to the woman. “Can you please control your child? He’s constantly kicking my seatback, can’t you see that?” The woman looked up, gave me a quick glance, then went back to filming her kid on her phone. “Aww, Jaxie’s such a good boy! So full of energy!” “It’s all thanks to the organic superfood blends Jaxie’s been taking! Otherwise, where would he get all that vitality?!” Cheered on by his mom’s praise, Jax kicked even harder. He was having a blast, but I was the one suffering. “Are you going to control him or not?! If you can’t, then don’t bring him out in public!” With that, I reached out and firmly grabbed the kid’s raised leg. That finally got his mom to stop pretending to be deaf.
“Honestly, I have to say, you young girls have zero tolerance these days, don’t you?” “Energetic kids are healthy kids. You just don’t understand a mother’s heart.” “And besides, he’s so small. What’s the big deal if he kicks a few times?” I looked at Jax, sitting on the seat, his neck stiff as he glared back at me. Calling him a little Michelin Man wouldn’t be an exaggeration. “You’re saying it’s no big deal if your little Michelin Man kicks a few times? Then why don’t you switch seats and let him kick your seatback?!” As soon as that came out, some people sitting nearby couldn’t hold back their laughter. Jax’s mom, hearing her pride and joy insulted, finally snapped. “You have such a vicious mouth for someone so young! This is called a solid, healthy build, don’t you know?!” Whether he had a ‘solid build’ or not, I didn’t care to explore. Right now, this whole family just seemed… off. Especially when I heard her next line: “He’s just a child, you’re an adult, don’t stoop to his level. It’s so undignified.” “If you can’t sit there, just move.” My fists clenched. I decided the most infuriating people in the world weren’t my bosses anymore; it was these two. With this mother-son duo behind me, no one wanted to switch to my seat. I pulled out $200 in cash. The person behind her went from unwilling to swiftly moving themselves and their luggage. Jax’s mom continued to record her precious Jax on her phone, the camera briefly sweeping past my face. This time, her words were clearly aimed at me. I adjusted my posture, then started kicking my own seatback hard, making her seat shake. Before I even got to the third kick, she couldn’t take it anymore. She put her hand on the seatback and stood up, looking at me. “Are you crazy?! Don’t you know there’s someone behind you?! What are you kicking for?!” I looked up at her, but my leg didn’t stop. “Oh, Ma’am, you look older than me. Why are you being so mean to me?” “Compared to you, I’m just a kid. Don’t argue with me.” After saying that, I extended my leg to her son’s seat as well, kicking both seatbacks rhythmically and forcefully. Soon, Jax’s cries filled the air. His mom, whose name I’d later learn was Brenda, had no time to scold me; she turned to comfort her precious Jax. The conductor heard the noise and came over. Seeing it was us two again, he frowned. After learning what happened, the conductor warned Brenda. With the warning, Brenda, however unwilling, quieted down with Jax in her arms.
Since the journey was long, I took out the instant noodles I’d prepared. When I came back from the snack car, I found the contents of my backpack scattered everywhere near my seat. Suppressing my anger, I scanned the area. The guy next to me subtly gestured for me to look ahead. Jax was holding a snack and eating it, while Brenda was still on her phone, documenting their wonderful life. My backpack was full of snacks, so I’d just placed it on the overhead rack. Who would have thought that while I was just getting hot water, someone would go through my bag? “You two went through my bag, didn’t you?” Jax shoved the small, freshly opened bag of gourmet popcorn in his hand into his mouth in two bites. I watched as he almost choked. Brenda blew up first: “What are you talking about?! Who would bother going through your bag?! Don’t you dare falsely accuse good people!” As she spoke, she kicked some trash on the floor further forward. I suddenly laughed out loud and leaned closer to her little Michelin Man. “Let me tell you a story, little boy.” “Once upon a time, there was a kid who always stole other people’s food. And one day, guess what happened?” Jax looked at me curiously. “That kid died! He died a horrible, horrible death. His stomach burst open, and his intestines spilled out everywhere!” WAAAH! Jax started screaming again, crying and clinging to Brenda. He kept yelling that he was going to die, and no matter how Brenda tried to soothe him, he wouldn’t calm down. When the conductor came for the third time, he had no smile on his face. I quickly sat back down. “She scared my child!” Meeting the conductor’s gaze, I picked up my bag. “I haven’t even called the Amtrak police yet. My bag was rummaged through, and all I did was tell her child a story.” Everyone around us was craning their necks to watch. We were both escorted to a quiet compartment to speak with the Amtrak police. Brenda immediately started yelling, accusing me loudly and demanding justice. “You’re just bullying a struggling single mom and her kid! She’s been targeting me since we got on the train! Now she’s slandering my child, saying he stole her things!” I raised an eyebrow. “When did I say your child took anything? Aren’t you confessing without being asked?” Jax still looked dazed, making me wonder if there was something actually wrong with the kid. Lost items on a train weren’t just a simple disagreement, so the officers took it more seriously. I rummaged through my backpack. “Some snacks are missing, and $500 cash is gone too.” “$500 is enough to press charges, isn’t it?” I looked at Brenda’s changing expression and gave a slight smile. “I’m not great with the law, so I’m not sure about the specifics, but I guess you won’t be celebrating Christmas.” The officers conferred for a moment and asked if I wanted to file a report. I pretended to think, looking at Brenda. “Well, it’s not out of the question. No one touched my bag besides me. I think checking for fingerprints would be straightforward.” “Wait a minute!” All of us turned our attention to Brenda. “Jax might have looked in your bag, but we didn’t see any money in there!” “My kid is just little, he saw you taking snacks out of your bag and wanted some! Who knew you’d be so stingy?!” “How much can one child even eat?” I looked at the officers. “Oh, I suddenly remembered, the cash was in my coat pocket. But I can still claim compensation for my snacks, right?” The officer nodded. Brenda, hearing it was just snack money, looked scornful. “It’s just a few snacks, why are you so picky? Give me your Venmo, I’ll send you $50, that should be more than enough!” “It’s $500 in total.” Brenda’s hand froze, then she roared, “Are you crazy?! He only took a few things! How is it $500?!” I pulled a receipt from my pocket. “They’re all imported, boutique snacks. Check for yourself. The retail value is $500, if not more. Otherwise, I’ll file the official report.” When I returned to my seat, Brenda looked like a deflated balloon. I looked at the fresh $500 transfer notification on my phone, secretly pleased. Although dealing with that mother and son was torturous, I considered it a profit. Those snacks were samples from my company’s overseas gourmet line. As an employee, I got them for free. The receipt, however, reflected the full retail price. The rest of the journey was smooth. Jax, perhaps tired from playing, quieted down and didn’t cause any more trouble. It was still eight hours until I got home, and my back and legs ached from sitting in the coach seat. Hearing that two roomettes had opened up, I quickly grabbed my luggage and went to find the conductor to upgrade. It wasn’t until I lay down on the narrow bed that I felt my back and legs come alive again. Even better, I was far away from those two.
The further north the train went, the more people got off. Eventually, I was the only one left in my roomette. I had been working overtime until late last night to get home, and my eyelids were already heavy. Just as I was drifting off to sleep, I vaguely heard a commotion outside. I rolled over, not thinking much of it. With so many people on the train, arguments were bound to happen. After all, I had just had one myself. The commotion grew closer, and the voices became increasingly familiar. “Come on, Jaxie, stick with Mommy. Don’t mind them. She just got her skirt accidentally lifted, what a sensitive little thing.” The voices conveniently stopped right outside my roomette door. I slid the door open, and Brenda and I stared each other down. Seriously, why did this woman feel like a bad penny that just wouldn’t go away? My fancy organic cucumber snack was still on the small table nearby, and Jax reached out to grab it. “This cucumber is expensive, you know? From a specialty farmer’s market. Do you really want to eat it?” Jax’s outstretched hand was quickly slapped down by Brenda. “Don’t eat her stuff. It’s probably stale. Mommy will buy you something delicious when we get home.” “Some people just like to hoard their things like treasures, don’t they? Hope you don’t choke on it.” Listening to Brenda’s taunts, I picked up the cucumber and took a bite. “Some people might not have any manners, but they sure have a lot to say.” “I used to hear that you could tell if someone was lacking in the common sense department just by looking at them, and I never believed it. Today, I realize it’s true.” Brenda’s eyebrows shot up, and she opened her mouth, ready to unleash a torrent of curses. I narrowed my eyes. “This roomette has a door. That’s nice. If I lock it, nobody would know if someone had a little… accident, right?” She looked at our respective sizes, snorted, and then climbed onto her upper bunk with Jax. Even with my noise-canceling earbuds in, I could still hear Jax’s racket. I opened my eyes and, good heavens, he was wearing his shoes and stomping all over the bed again. The previously clean sheets and blanket were now covered in black footprints. When the conductor came in and saw the scene, I clearly saw him take a deep breath. I asked if I could switch roomettes. “I’m very sorry, ma’am, but this is the last available sleeper accommodation on the train right now.” Desperate times call for desperate measures. This time, when I left to use the restroom, I made sure to take my backpack with me. Jax was clamoring for instant noodles, and Brenda, with no other choice, had to buy a cup from the café car for her precious boy. After I’d happily taken care of business, I hadn’t even reached my compartment when I saw two people standing by the door, pointing and talking about something inside. An uneasy feeling crept up on me. As I walked in, I saw that little Michelin Man causing trouble again. My bunk was now covered in instant noodle soup. That little Michelin Man was reaching into the noodle cup, pulling out strands, and flinging them onto the wall. And to top it all off, my prized down jacket was on the bed.
Seeing me return, he darted away quickly, immediately throwing the noodle cup on the floor and scrambling up to the top bunk. I gritted my teeth and slammed the compartment door shut. Brenda was on the top bunk, headphones on, seemingly busy with something on her phone. I wasn’t sure if she couldn’t hear her child or just chose to ignore him. Either way, my loud door slam finally got her to move. “What’s your problem? Why are you slamming the door so hard?! What’s gotten into you now?!” I took a deep breath first. “Take a look at what your son did. You’re paying for this.” I held up my down jacket, stained with oily broth. “What does this have to do with me? Why should I pay? Didn’t I just give you $500? Are you out of your mind from being broke?!” I reached out and grabbed Jax’s ankle. With a forceful tug, he slid right off the ladder. This time, Brenda couldn’t stay put. She instantly sat upright and then jumped down from the upper bunk. “What are you doing hitting my child?! I’m telling you, if anything happens to him, I’ll sue you until you’re bankrupt!” I looked at her unreasonable, nagging demeanor and felt disgusted to my core. “Your son poured noodle soup all over my down jacket and my bed. I’m saying it again: pay for the damages.” Brenda snatched her son from my hands. “It’s not like he poured it on your bed at home. The staff will clean it.” “Besides, you can just take that jacket home and wash it, can’t you? Haven’t you ever spilled anything?!” “If you keep being so unreasonable, don’t blame me for getting nasty.” I picked up the noodle cup from the floor. “So, you’re saying that because he’s young, this kind of behavior is forgivable?” Then, before she could react, I flung the tepid instant noodle soup directly at both of them. Brenda’s face and hair were instantly covered, while Jax, being shorter, only got some on his clothes. A shrill shriek was about to erupt, but I swiftly crumpled the empty instant noodle cup and stuffed it into Brenda’s open mouth. She sounded like a duck whose neck was squeezed, her voice getting cut off. I then pushed Jax’s head down and, with one hand, grabbed a clump of noodles from the floor, stuffing them into his mouth. Perhaps out of fear, he opened his mouth wide to cry, which conveniently made it easier for me to stuff the noodles in. Brenda wiped her face and charged at me, trying to rescue Jax, but I smeared another handful of noodles onto her face. “AHHHH! You little b! Do you have a death wish?!” She lunged at me viciously, her hand flying up to slap me. Instinctively, I held Jax up between us. I heard a loud SMACK, and Jax’s cries became utterly uncontrollable. “Mommy hit me! Waaah! Mommy’s a bad person!!” I looked at Jax’s face and couldn’t help but marvel internally: even though Brenda looked small, she had quite a swing. Jax’s right cheek was now completely red and swelling. From crying, noodle bits were even spurting out of his nostrils. While Brenda was busy cradling and comforting Jax, I took both their winter coats from the hook and used them to wipe the worst of the mess on my bed and the floor. The Amtrak police, arriving with the conductor and seeing the chaotic mess in the roomette, gasped. The onlookers gathered at the door also had their eyes wide open. Brenda sat on the floor, holding Jax, and started wailing. I assessed the situation; it really looked like I was bullying them. This kind of “vulnerable” scenario was definitely not in my favor, so before the officers could even speak, I directly lay down on the floor.
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