My husband always left little clues after cheating. One time, I found a lipstick under the passenger seat of his car. Another time, a pink thong under the bed. This time, I found a ripped black stocking under his pillow. They were all left by the same nurse who worked with him at the hospital. I always pretended not to see them. But my indifference seemed to piss off the nurse. She deliberately sent me explicit photos of them to provoke me. 【You’re just getting old, Dr. Miller is tired of you. You know how passionate he was when he pinned me down on your bed?】 I silently saved them. Finally, I put together a thirty-five-page presentation and uploaded it online. She likes to share, doesn’t she? Then let’s give her plenty to share. Ryan stood at the bedroom doorway, disgustedly pinching the black stocking. “Lily, we need to talk about this.” After pulling an all-nighter making that presentation, my eyelids felt too heavy to lift. I closed my laptop. “Nothing to talk about. You deal with it.” “No.” Ryan ignored my cold expression and started talking anyway. “Last week, you were on a business trip, and I had a major surgery. I gave the key to someone from my department to help me grab some fresh clothes from home.” “I didn’t expect it to be Chloe, and I certainly didn’t expect her to do something so disgusting…” “Lily, you have to believe me.” “Are you done?” He was stunned into silence. I tried to push past him into the bathroom. “Lily.” Ryan grabbed my wrist. “You don’t care at all?” I used to care. A year ago, the first time I found lipstick in his car, I smashed the dinnerware we bought on our honeymoon. Six months ago, when I saw their Ins post about going to the movies, I cut all his white shirts into pieces. Three months ago, when I saw the flirty emojis she sent him on his phone, I smashed our living room TV. I fought with him countless times, but we never broke up. Because we were childhood sweethearts. At three, we fought over the same building block in preschool. At ten, he took the scolding from the teacher for me. At seventeen, the night before the most important exams of our senior year, he climbed through my window onto my balcony. Just to say one thing. “Lily, wherever you go, I’ll go too.” Twenty-seven years of memories wrapped around me like a thick cocoon. “Ryan, I’m really tired.” I struggled to pull my wrist free, but couldn’t. “What do you mean?” He stared at me, not wanting to miss a single expression. “Let go.” “No! You have to explain yourself today!” Struggling was almost my instinct. In the frantic push and pull, something got knocked over. A sharp, shattering sound exploded in the dead of night. We both froze. A pile of scattered porcelain shards gleamed coldly under the light. It was a ceramic vase we’d made together. Over all these years, we’d moved several times, fought countless times. I’d smashed necklaces he’d given me, furniture we’d picked out together, but I’d never touched this vase. It had always sat there, holding dried baby’s breath. Now it was broken. Ryan flinched, suddenly loosening his grip. But I had no strength left, and I sank straight onto the broken porcelain shards. Instantly, blood stained the white porcelain, blurring it red. It also blurred all the time of my youth. Ryan’s face went instantly pale. “Lily…” His hands were trembling uncontrollably. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to, I—” More and more blood flowed, pooling into a small puddle on the floor. Strangely, I didn’t feel any pain, just a stinging in my eyes. He frantically scooped me up, and after a quick clean-up, He drove me to the hospital. His hands, clutching the steering wheel, wouldn’t stop shaking. He drove to the hospital at top speed. Went straight to the ER, but to my surprise, Chloe was the one on duty. He frowned and said. “Get someone else.” Chloe gave a playful shrug. “Oh, no, I’m the only one available right now.” Ryan was about to say something else, but I cut him off, pointing at Chloe. “You do it.” My opinion of Chloe had always been straightforward. Stupid and malicious. But I didn’t expect her to be so brazen, even in front of Ryan. When she deliberately poked my wound with the tweezers for the third time, Ryan shoved her away. “Can you even treat a wound, damn it? You can’t even do basic bandaging, how did you get into this hospital? Get out!” Chloe looked on the verge of tears, but Ryan ignored her. He immediately went to change into scrubs and performed surgery on me.
Ryan immediately got me a private room. “We need to observe you for a few days.” He handed me warm water, the pills resting in the bottle cap. “The wound might get infected, so be extra careful these next few days…” He spoke at length. I didn’t respond. His voice was very soft. “I’ll buy you your favorite macarons, okay?” Seeing I still didn’t react, he stood for a moment, then turned and left. When he returned, he was carrying macarons and a box of sliced fruit. Footsteps echoed in the hallway, and several doctors in white coats stopped at the doorway. The one leading peeked in and smiled. “Well, Dr. Miller, you’re here even earlier than us?” Ryan’s ears turned slightly red, and he pressed his lips together. “Heard you arranged an operating room for a family member in the middle of the night yesterday, that’s against regulations, isn’t it?” Another person winked at him. Even though he knew they were teasing, he explained seriously. “Everyone was busy yesterday, it was an urgent matter, so I used my discretion. But if the hospital decides to take action, I’ll cooperate fully.” Everyone burst into laughter, then, understanding the situation, left. He lowered his head, ears bright red, not daring to look at me. He was like this the first time he confessed his feelings to me. He was like this the first time he held my hand. He was like this when he said ‘I do’ at our wedding. How wonderful those times were. I closed my eyes, curling up in the blanket. He called my name a few times, but I ignored him. He just stayed by my side. As I drifted into a drowsy state, I heard someone push the door open. Their voice was cheerful. “Dr. Miller, I’m here to apologize to Lily. Yesterday really wasn’t on purpose, I was just so nervous. With you watching, Dr. Miller, my hands were shaking.” I cracked my eyes open, looking in the direction of the voice. I saw Ryan grabbing her arm, trying to push her out. “Who let you in?” “The door was open.” She took a step closer, almost pressing against his chest. “And I genuinely want to apologize… You snapped at me yesterday, I went home and cried all night.” As she spoke, she raised her hand, her fingertips subtly brushing against Ryan’s name tag on his chest. Under his white coat, he was wearing a thin, dark grey shirt today. “Chloe.” Ryan’s voice was deep and low, a warning. “Hmm?” She leaned in even closer, her lips almost touching his ear, whispering. “Dr. Miller, your heart is beating so fast…” I pushed myself up to a sitting position on the bed. “Why don’t you two go outside? Or perhaps I should leave and make the bed available for you.” Ryan abruptly pushed her away. Chloe stumbled back a couple of steps and landed hard on the floor. “Ryan, you—” Her eyes immediately welled up. “Get out.” Ryan’s voice was icy. Chloe scrambled up, shot me a furious glare, and ran out, covering her face. Ryan stood rooted to the spot, his back to me. His shoulders rose and fell a few times before he finally turned around. “Lily, I…” “My apologies for interrupting your little make-out session with your mistress.” I lay back down, turning my back to him. He stood there for a long time. Then his phone vibrated. He didn’t answer the first time. On the fourth ring, he picked it up. “Hello?” Crying came from the receiver, intermittent and starkly clear in the quiet hospital room. “I got hit, that old guy on the motorcycle, he won’t let me leave. Dr. Miller, I’m scared.” Ryan was silent. “Can you please come? Just by the hospital’s back entrance, please.” The crying grew louder, and there was a man’s angry shouting in the background. Ryan silently hung up the phone and glanced at me. He walked to the bedside and called out softly. “Lily? I’m going out for a bit, I’ll be right back. She’s my colleague, after all…” As he spoke, his phone rang again in his pocket. He hung up again. Then I heard the doorknob press down. Ten minutes later, I pulled out my IV needle and checked myself out. The wound on my knee hadn’t healed yet. But that pain, it didn’t matter anymore.
As I walked near the park lake, I saw them. Ryan was supporting Chloe, half her body leaning into his embrace. Her right hand was resting on Ryan’s shoulder, her left pressed against his waist. Her fingertips traced along the top edge of his belt buckle, stroking it repeatedly. Ryan’s free hand tried to pull away. But Chloe was quicker; her fingers slipped into his palm, lacing them together. He stiffened but didn’t pull away. I stopped dead in my tracks. Suddenly, Chloe seemed to sense something and turned her head. She whispered something into Ryan’s ear. Ryan nodded, released her hand, and turned to walk towards the outpatient building. Chloe stood there, waiting until he was far away before she walked towards me. “Oh, you’re out of the hospital? Why didn’t you ask Dr. Miller to take you home?” I ignored her. She followed me. I glanced at the ankle she had just pretended to twist. She shrugged fearlessly. “Do you know? He held me all the way here, and his hand never let go. How do you think a surgeon like him wouldn’t be able to tell if I was really sprained?” She tilted her head, her eyes curving into a smile. “But I also understand you.” She sighed, feigning sympathy. “After all, you two haven’t had any passion for so many years, just habit, right?” “Are you done talking?” I stopped walking. “Oh dear, are you angry?” She covered her mouth, letting out a delicate giggle. “There isn’t a man in the world who doesn’t cheat. You can’t expect him to stay faithful to you for life. But I do admire you, being able to turn a blind eye to all this…” “Chloe.” I cut her off. “Do you know what the most pathetic thing about you is?” Her smile froze. “You need to use such despicable methods to try and steal a man who doesn’t love you.” She suddenly grabbed my wrist. “What do you mean?” “Exactly what it sounds like.” I shook her off. “Let go.” I yanked my hand back forcefully, making her stumble. She instinctively shoved me. I fell backward towards the artificial lake. I desperately pulled her with me, and the inertia made us both tumble in. The water surface was covered with a layer of ice, and there was a loud crash when we fell in. It attracted a lot of attention. Including Ryan, who had just returned. He hadn’t seen Chloe push me. So from his perspective, I was trying to push Chloe in, but she pulled me in with her. Ryan quickly pulled her out. Chloe was drenched, her nurse’s uniform clinging to her body, shivering uncontrollably from the cold. She threw herself into Ryan’s arms, sobbing breathlessly. “Dr. Miller…” She desperately burrowed into Ryan’s embrace. Even his shirt buttons came undone. Ryan didn’t speak, his eyes fixed on me. I’d seen that look before. That’s how he looked at me every time I caused a scene over the past two years. Cold, disappointed, and a hint of impatience. “Lily.” His voice was heavy. “This is a human life. If you have any grievances, take them out on me, don’t take it out on someone else.” I couldn’t be bothered to argue, so I reached out, bracing myself on the muddy bank, trying to stand up. But Chloe suddenly ‘fainted,’ her foot slipped, and she deliberately kicked me hard on the side of my knee. Right on the wound. My hand slipped, and I fell backward into the lake again. But Ryan frantically picked up Chloe and strode towards the outpatient clinic. This fall was even worse. The back of my head hit the ice, and my vision went black for a few seconds. I inhaled the icy lake water, choking and unable to cough. I struggled to surface, but he never once looked back. The water wasn’t actually deep; standing up, it only reached my chest. But I tried twice, and my right leg completely gave out. Every movement made my vision go black from the pain. Finally, the cleaning lady found me. When she pulled me out with a mop handle, I was already too frozen to speak. My lips were purple, my fingers so stiff I couldn’t close them. The lady draped her jacket over me. “How did you fall in? Where’s your family?” I shook my head. The moment I stood up, a sudden, searing pain twisted in my lower abdomen. My vision went black, and I passed out.
When I woke up, I saw Ryan slumped beside my bed. I wiggled my fingers, and he immediately startled awake. “Lily…” His voice was terribly hoarse, and his eyes instantly reddened. “You’re awake… I’m sorry, it’s all my fault.” He reached to touch my face, but his hand hovered in mid-air before retracting, finally just pressing my hand against his cheek. Warm liquid dripped onto the back of my hand. “I’m sorry… once you recover, we can…” I slowly processed his words. “Are you saying…” My hand rested on my flat lower abdomen. A twisting pain seized my chest. Here, without my knowledge, a child had briefly resided. I clenched my hand tightly, my nails digging into my palm, trembling from the pain. He knelt by the bedside, apologizing incoherently, saying we could find the best doctors, saying we could do surrogacy, saying we could adopt. I just stared at him, as if he were a stranger. “Why would I need a surrogate?” He flinched, his gaze flickering, then he quickly explained. “The OB-GYN said you’re too thin, and pregnancy itself is hard. I don’t want you to suffer that hardship.” I stared at him. “Last physical, you said everything was normal, that I was perfectly fit for pregnancy. Ryan, what exactly are you hiding?” I vaguely guessed the possibility. His Adam’s apple bobbed. “I’m not… it’s just that your current condition isn’t suitable for carrying a pregnancy, and I only said that because I was afraid you’d be upset.” The air in the hospital room solidified. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out. His phone rang then. Chloe. It kept ringing, again and again. I saw him actually let out a sigh of relief. “I’ll go take care of it, I’ll be right back.” The door closed. I stared at the ceiling until the door was pushed open again. “Lily, how are you feeling? It must hurt, right?” I closed my eyes. She chuckled softly. “Well, of course, it hurts. You had half your uterus removed.” I snapped my eyes open. “What?” She feigned surprise. “Didn’t Dr. Miller tell you?” She opened her phone and turned the screen towards me. It was a photo of the surgical consent form. Under the post-operative instructions, Ryan’s name was written. “Then he probably also didn’t tell you that you were eight weeks pregnant.” She leaned in, her voice dropping even lower. “What a shame, it was already a little formed thing, gone along with your uterus.” I clutched the bedsheet. “Oh, and while you were unconscious these past three days…” She sat on the edge of the bed, twirling a strand of her hair. “I was right there with Dr. Miller when he was on night duty. Right there in the bathroom, he covered my mouth and told me not to make a sound…” I was still reeling from the previous revelation, utterly numb to her words. She clicked her tongue, pulled a copy of a medical record from her pocket, and tossed it onto the bed. “No fun. Take a good look yourself.” I opened the medical record. On the diagnosis page, it said ‘threatened miscarriage’. Other than that, there was no other diagnosis. So why did they remove my uterus? I clutched the medical record, tears streaming down my face. Twenty-seven whole years. A person who had occupied almost my entire life. Never spoke a single truth to me. On the way home from the hospital, I was in a daze the whole time. I couldn’t understand how it had come to this. Even though I had decided to leave long ago. Back home, I pulled the signed divorce papers from my bag. I placed them on the table along with the medical record. Then I found an iron box in the study. Inside were twenty-seven years of our memories. The building blocks I’d assembled for him in elementary school, the concert tickets he’d stayed up all night to buy in college, the vows he’d written on our wedding day, and all the love letters he’d written to me since childhood… I took them out, one by one, and put them into the fire. The flames devoured the vows where he promised to love me forever. Devoured the wishes we’d made for the future in our youth. Devoured all the lies about ‘forever’. I slipped off my wedding ring and placed it next to the stack of documents. I put the organized USB drive into my bag and said softly, “Ryan, I have a big gift for you too.”
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