My childhood best friend gave up his offer from a top university abroad for a scholarship student he liked. Half an hour before the submission deadline, his Instagram updated. In the soft glow of candlelight, he was gently placing a birthday crown on her head. The caption read: “Some choices are more important than your future.” My best friend, Chloe, called me: “Lily, are you still going to help him submit his university application? You have three minutes left.” I closed the page and watched the countdown. “No, I’m not. This is it. I’m only paying for my own future.” At exactly 6 PM, the Stanford application system automatically closed. Chloe sighed with relief on the other end of the phone: “You finally came to your senses! Now I can come visit you in California during spring break next year!” Just as she was speaking, the familiar chime of the smart lock echoed from the door. Noah walked in with Sarah, as if they owned the place. “Lily, you submitted your grad school application, right?” “I told Sarah that staying here for grad school is the most practical path for her, given her situation. But she was still worried, so she insisted I come confirm with you.” “See? She’s even more concerned about your plans than I am.” He said, ruffling the hair of the girl beside him with a helpless smile. After deciding not to stay here with Noah, many of my emotions actually calmed down. I no longer felt a lump form in my throat when I saw Sarah hold his arm. I nodded: “Yes, it’s all submitted. Do you guys need something?” Noah frowned, looking at my flat expression. “Lily, what’s been going on with you lately?” Sarah subtly tugged at his sleeve and spoke softly: “Lily, you know my family’s situation…” “Going abroad is just too expensive. Even with a full scholarship, I can’t afford the living expenses or plane tickets.” “My grades are just average, so it’s better for me to stay here and work on projects with a professor. I might even get a small stipend.” “It’s all because of me that Noah gave up going abroad.” “Don’t be mad at him. He’s been helping me contact professors all afternoon, so he didn’t have time to tell you in person…” Listening to her timid, almost fragile explanation, I asked directly: “Didn’t you know about these difficulties at the beginning of the application process?” “Why did you wait until now to say something?” Sarah seemed startled, and her eyes instantly welled up. “I… I discussed it with Noah a long time ago. It’s just that we only finalized the decision today…” Discussed it a long time ago? I lowered my gaze. So while I was pulling all-nighters with him, planning our future and acing practice tests, dreaming of watching sunsets on the West Coast together, he was already mapping out a different future with Sarah. Seeing my silence, Sarah’s voice grew softer, tinged with a sob. Noah placed a hand on her shoulder, his tone turning cold: “Enough, Lily.” “When I made the final decision, didn’t I send you a message?” “There’s no need to be so aggressive.” His words hit me like a bucket of ice water, snapping me back to reality. I looked at his familiar yet suddenly strange face, then shifted my gaze away: “I’m not angry. I just wanted to know why.” Now I understood, and finally, I could let go. Noah and I grew up together. After my father passed away, my mother was often abroad, managing the international branch of her company. She came home less than twice a year. Most of the time, it was just me and my grandmother at home. Some relatives always gossiped, subtly criticizing my mom for being a “career woman” who was “never home,” or hinting that our family was “missing a strong male presence.” I didn’t want my grandmother to be sad, so I’d often hide under the tree in the backyard and cry. That’s when Noah would crouch down in front of me. He’d stand up for me against those relatives, and later, he’d bring me a slice of cake every day after school. From then on, I became his shadow. We went to school together, studied for exams together, and in countless late nights, we cheered each other on for our dreams. We promised to go to America together, apply to the best schools, take a road trip on Route 66, and watch the sunrise at the Grand Canyon. Once we got there, we’d officially start dating. Until last year, when Sarah appeared. She was a scholarship student from a disadvantaged background, sponsored by Noah’s mother. Because her old high school was struggling, she’d received a special transfer to our high school and was temporarily staying with Noah’s family.
At first, Noah wasn’t thrilled about her. He was quiet at home and kept his distance at school. But Sarah would quietly follow him, organize his study notes, save him a seat in the cafeteria every day, and even collect his lab reports. Her cautious demeanor sometimes reminded me of my old self. So, back then, I often told Noah to be nicer to her. But he’d just brush it off. Later, we got into the same university. Sarah, wanting to be with him, applied to the Sociology program, known for having the lowest admission requirements that year. Then one day, we went to the department office to submit some paperwork, and we saw Sarah alone in the corner of a lecture hall, discreetly wiping away tears during an English listening practice. Noah’s expression at that moment was complicated. There was surprise, guilt, pity. Perhaps even a hint of an emotion I couldn’t quite decipher. From then on, everything changed. He would cancel our weekend dates to help Sarah with her English. He would accompany her to her general education classes because Sarah’s roommates were giving her a hard time. This afternoon, he texted me, saying he decided to give up going abroad and pursue his Ph.D. here at home alongside Sarah. I froze for a long time, but more than anything, I felt a sense of relief. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Noah was so sure I’d follow his lead and stay. He didn’t even ask about my choice before leaving with Sarah. That evening, at a group dinner, they were already there when I arrived. I picked a seat furthest from Noah. But he kept staring at me, his eyes full of complex emotions. One of the guys at the table chuckled, teasing: “Lily, why are you sitting so far away?” “You better keep a closer eye on him, or someone else will snatch Noah away!” Everyone at the table knew exactly who that “someone” was. Sarah didn’t deny it; instead, she blushed and glanced at Noah. A classmate spoke up for me: “Don’t talk nonsense. Didn’t Noah and Lily promise to study abroad together?” Before I could speak, Sarah softly interjected: “Noah didn’t accept the overseas offer.” “He was worried I wouldn’t adjust well abroad, so he decided to stay here with me instead.” There was a subtle, almost imperceptible hint of triumph in her voice. The table fell silent for a moment. Someone asked me: “Lily, really? You don’t mind? You two started preparing since sophomore year, right?” I looked at Sarah’s slightly upturned lips and calmly said: “No, I don’t mind.” “Everyone has their own path to follow.” Just like Noah chose Sarah. And I chose my own way. Halfway through dinner, I stepped out to take a call. When I returned, I found Noah and Sarah had moved to the seats next to me. Noah, his cheeks flushed and slightly tipsy, leaned closer: “Lily, I know you’re upset that I decided to stay here for grad school.” “But you know Sarah’s situation. Going abroad would be too much pressure for her.” “Staying here, she can continue receiving her scholarship, and also be close to her ailing mother.” “She’s so soft-spoken and has never traveled far. You wouldn’t want her to be alone abroad, right?” “Sarah said if you want to travel overseas, we can save up after graduation and go together.” “Don’t be so stubborn, okay?” I pushed his leaning shoulder away: “I said, I’m not angry.” “But, isn’t Sarah struggling with basic living expenses? How can she afford to plan an international trip?” *Clatter!* Sarah’s glass clattered onto the table. She bit her lip, her eyes instantly red: “Lily, I know your family is well-off, and you’ve always looked down on me.” “I plan to save up for the trip by working as a tutor, and I’ll pay Noah back.” “Do only people like you have the right to see the world?” “Do people like me deserve to be stuck here forever?” “I don’t steal or cheat. Every penny I earn is my own.” “Please stop talking down to me like that.”
The classmates started whispering: “Lily went a bit too far with that…” “She’s capable, but sometimes she can be a bit overbearing.” “If it were me, I’d also choose someone gentle like Sarah.” Sarah’s tears began to fall. Noah’s gaze turned completely cold: “Lily, apologize to Sarah.” Chloe couldn’t help but retort: “But wasn’t she the one constantly crying about being poor?” “Lily just asked a question, following her lead. Why should she apologize?” “She had three months of summer break. She could have interned or gone home to help her family.” “But now she’s not working, she’s not home, she’s just following you around everywhere, *and* she’s planning a trip? Who else would Lily be talking about?” Sarah cried even harder. Watching the scene unfold, I just felt exhausted. I pulled Chloe up, ready to leave. Noah grabbed my wrist, his voice laced with anger: “Lily, apologize.” “Otherwise, you won’t be coming on the graduation trip.” My wrist was clutched so tightly it hurt. I pried his fingers open one by one, then looked up at him: “Noah, you and Sarah can go wherever you want.” “Please don’t drag me into your affairs.” “And from now on, don’t come looking for me again.” With that, I turned and left. That night, Sarah posted on Instagram. The photo showed her and Noah at an amusement park. Caption: “Meeting you was the best luck.” I glanced at it, feeling a strange calm. I continued packing my bags, preparing to vacation in the city where my mother lived and worked. After my plane landed, my phone was flooded with messages. All from Noah. “Lily, Sarah and I are planning a graduation trip to California. It’s not too late to apologize and book tickets with us.” “There’s nothing going on between Sarah and me. She just posted that Instagram to say thanks.” “Lily, I really don’t understand you.” “How incredible this domestic Ph.D. opportunity is, what’s so bad about it?” “You’ve already secured your spot, why are you being so stubborn?” I scrolled past the messages, leaving them unanswered. Noah had thought of everything for Sarah, covering all her bases. But he never considered that my father had passed away years ago, my mother’s career was overseas, and my grandmother needed to be moved to a warmer climate down south for better care. Staying here wasn’t the best option for me. When I arrived home, a tall, well-built young man was sitting in the living room. He stood up and took my suitcase: “Do you remember me? I’m Ryan.” Ryan, the son of my mother’s friend, two years older than me, was pursuing his Ph.D. in California. Learning of my decision to go abroad, he’d made a special trip to help me get acquainted with everything beforehand. For two full weeks, Noah didn’t contact me again. His Instagram was updated daily with travel photos of him and Sarah. Meanwhile, with Ryan’s help, I familiarized myself with the courses, found an apartment, and got used to life across the ocean. Only after all the paperwork was done did I return home again. This time, it was mainly to handle the sale of my old family home. My mom was worried, so she asked Ryan to come with me. As soon as we entered the neighborhood, we ran into Noah’s mother, returning from grocery shopping. She warmly insisted we come over for dinner. Unable to refuse, and hearing that Noah and Sarah weren’t home, we went upstairs. Noah’s mother chattered as she cooked: “Lily, that Noah, he’s infuriating.” “He secretly turned down his overseas offer without telling anyone. I only found out when the university’s confirmation email landed in my inbox.” “Thankfully, he said you also decided to stay, otherwise, I’d have given him an earful.” “When you two are doing your Ph.D.s here, you’ll have to help me keep an eye on him.”
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