When my daughter Rebecca Petrov said she wanted a new mom for the tenth time, I didn’t get angry. Instead, I asked her with unusual calm, “Who would you like to be your mom?” Rebecca answered without hesitation: “Ms. Howard.” Elsie Howard was her tutor and the woman my husband Vincent Petrov had always been in love with. That day, at Rebecca’s birthday party, she even publicly thanked Elsie, saying Elsie took care of her like a mother. Looking at her innocent face, I finally understood that Rebecca didn’t like me at all. From that moment on, I stopped caring for her and Vincent the way I used to, and instead threw myself into a classified national project. Rather than waste my time on people who didn’t deserve it, I’d serve my country instead. ***** When Rebecca said she wanted a new mom for the tenth time, I didn’t get angry. I simply went back to my room and pulled out the classified agreement I’d hidden in my closet. I was a researcher at a government laboratory—dedicated, responsible, and highly capable. So when the secret operation launched, my supervisor approached me first, inviting me to join the project. But I hesitated. I thought about how young Rebecca was, how busy Vincent was with work. If I left, she might have no one to take care of her. And this assignment would last over ten years. I’d miss the crucial years of Rebecca’s childhood. So I declined my supervisor’s offer. After her repeated persuasion, I brought the agreement home. However, I never imagined that Rebecca simply didn’t care about me. Her heart belonged only to Elsie. Even at her birthday party, she openly thanked Elsie, saying Elsie cared for her like a mother, and bluntly stated she wanted to replace me. Everyone stared at me, their eyes full of curiosity. But I didn’t get angry. I simply asked Rebecca calmly, “Who would you like to be your mom?” “Ms. Howard,” she blurted out. In that moment, I turned and walked away. That night, Vincent and I had a huge fight. He said I was being unreasonable, making a big deal out of something Rebecca had said casually. I looked at him coolly and asked back, “Then what should I care about? Your relationship with Elsie?” Vincent probably thought I loved him too much, completely overlooking the fact that Elsie had been his first love. We’d met and fallen in love in college, walking hand in hand to where we were now—with a car, a house, and savings. Seven years together had given us what seemed like the most beautiful things in the world. At least, that’s how it felt before I discovered the photo Vincent had hidden away. Elsie in her teens, hair in pigtails, looking especially pure and innocent. After seeing that photo, I’d wanted to confront Vincent about it, but thinking of Rebecca and our years together, I held back. Maybe there were no feelings left between them. But now I realized how wrong I’d been. I sighed softly and picked up my phone to call my friend Angel Fields. When she answered, I said, “Hey Angel, could you please tell the team leader that I want to participate in this operation?” Then I picked up a pen and signed my name on the document. Angel asked in surprise, “What? Didn’t you say you weren’t participating?” Angel and I worked at the same research institute, busy in the same lab every day. She was also on the list for this experiment. When the list first came out, she’d approached me, asking if I wanted to join. But back then, I’d refused because of Rebecca. Now that I’d suddenly changed my mind, she was obviously shocked. After all, anyone close to me knew how much I valued family. For my family’s sake, I made an effort every day to squeeze out time to go home and be with them. After I explained, she said, “Oh, I understand now.” After hanging up, I put the document back in its folder. But the next second, a tear silently slipped down and landed on the document folder. I raised my hand to wipe it away, but more tears fell uncontrollably, one after another. No matter what, I still felt heartbroken. Rebecca was the child I’d risked my life to bring into this world. During early pregnancy, due to physical complications, I had morning sickness all day and couldn’t keep anything down. At its worst, I would even faint. I barely made it through the pregnancy, but during labor, I had complications due to the baby’s breech position. The doctor issued a critical condition notice and suggested Vincent sign an agreement to terminate the pregnancy. But I stopped all of that. Fortunately, in the end, I successfully gave birth to Rebecca.
Because our child was so precious to us, Rebecca had been cherished by both Vincent and me since she was little. However, I never imagined that the once innocent little girl would grow to resent me so much after just a few years. The next day, Vincent and Rebecca finally returned home with Elsie. From Instagram, I learned they had gone on a trip together. Most of the time, Elsie seemed more like Vincent’s wife than I did. Clearly, both Vincent and Rebecca preferred her company. Actually, Rebecca and I didn’t always have such a strained relationship. She used to hold my hand with her soft little fingers, sweetly calling me “Mommy,” and would snuggle in my arms, kiss me, and fall asleep peacefully. But somewhere along the way, she gradually grew distant from me. I wondered if it was because Elsie had returned from abroad and Vincent hired her as Rebecca’s tutor? Or was it because I had been too strict in disciplining her, causing her to rebel? I had no way of knowing. However, I still remember the first time I heard Elsie’s name. Rebecca was doing homework at the time, and I was dissatisfied with her careless attitude, demanding she rewrite it. Just when she was at her angriest, she brought up Elsie. “Mom, why can’t you be more like Ms. Howard? She not only lets me have snacks, but also gets Dad to take me to amusement parks. And she’s so beautiful. Can’t you try to dress up a little? All you do is boss me around all day. No wonder Dad says you’ve gotten ugly!” When Rebecca said this, her face was full of disgust. This immediately reminded me of Vincent. After years of marriage, his eyes had recently shown similar emotions. Thinking back to when we first started dating, Vincent never lost patience with me no matter what I did. Even after we got married and I gave birth, when I was uncomfortable and couldn’t move around easily, he never showed the slightest bit of disdain. Now we had everything, but Vincent had begun to despise my stretch marks and the body I’d neglected due to work and childbearing. I was momentarily stunned. Amusement parks used to be Vincent’s favorite place to take me on dates. And now, he was taking Elsie there instead. Watching the three of them walk into the living room, chatting and laughing, I pressed my lips together, trying to hide my sense of loss. I turned away to wash the dishes and put them in the sterilizer. “Mom, I’m not doing homework this afternoon. Ms. Howard says she’s taking me out to play.” At the doorway, Rebecca stood with her hands on her hips, announcing this to me. I glanced at her. In the past, if she had spoken to me like this, I would have definitely given her a stern lecture, requiring her to finish her responsibilities before going out to play. But now, I suddenly felt it was all meaningless. So I just gave a casual response and walked past her, preparing to grab my bag and head back to the lab. Seeing my attitude, Rebecca actually ran barefoot to Vincent, threw herself into his arms, and said pitifully, “Daddy, Mommy was mean to me.” Vincent took off his suit jacket and bent down to pick up Rebecca, his arm muscles visible through his white shirt as he lifted her. He had clearly witnessed the entire exchange, yet still walked over to me with a cold expression, his tone accusatory. “Riley, Rebecca’s still young. Why do you have to look so serious? She just didn’t do her homework. Did you really need to get so angry?” I looked up at Vincent and suddenly felt like he was a stranger. This was our seventh year together, and the young man with the clear, bright eyes was now completely unrecognizable. Rebecca hugged Vincent’s neck, and hearing me get scolded, she smugly made a face at me. In the past, I would have definitely argued back with Vincent, stood my ground, and even debated about Rebecca’s education. But this time, I remained unusually calm, turned around, opened the door, and left. There was no point in continuing to argue with people like them. Elsie asked softly, “Vincent, is Riley angry? It must be because of me. If she doesn’t like me, I’ll resign.” Vincent said coldly, “Don’t worry about her. She walks around with that serious face all day long. Who wants to look at that?”
At the research institute, I threw myself completely into my experiments. By the time I finished work, it was already past nine in the evening. A colleague noticed I was still there and asked with some surprise, “Riley, you haven’t left yet? Aren’t you going home to spend time with Rebecca tonight?” Thinking of the scene between Rebecca and Elsie, I shook my head gently. “No need. Won’t be necessary anymore.” I pulled two all-nighters in a row and finally obtained the ideal experimental data. A sense of satisfaction washed over me. I suddenly realized how refreshing it felt not having to force myself to squeeze out time, abandon my beloved work, and rush home. I hummed as I walked home. The moment I opened the front door, I saw Vincent with a dark expression, holding Rebecca in his arms. The instant he saw me, he erupted in anger: “Riley, have you lost your mind? You don’t even come home! Do you even deserve to be called a wife or a mother? I’m out there busting my ass to make money, not so you can go gallivanting around!” Vincent’s words were harsh and cutting. I immediately shot back: “Vincent, I have a job too. Besides, as Rebecca’s father, can’t you take care of her? And isn’t Elsie there?” I frowned and continued: “What’s more, how much of the money you work so hard to earn have I actually spent? My income is more than enough to support myself!” Just as I finished speaking, I heard the door opening behind me. The next second, Elsie’s gentle voice rang out: “Vincent, didn’t I tell you not to fight with Riley? Why are you getting angry again?” The moment Rebecca saw Elsie, she couldn’t wait to rush toward her, acting coquettishly: “Miss Howard, you’re finally here! I’m hungry. Can you take me out to eat?” Elsie gently stroked her head, her tone tender: “Of course, but…” She looked up at me, appearing troubled. She said: “But your mom might not be happy about it. She doesn’t like you eating out.” Hearing this, Rebecca flew into a rage and suddenly slapped my arm: “Bad woman! You can’t stop me!” Rebecca’s slap stung my arm. But I only found it ridiculous. I didn’t let Rebecca eat out because she’d been frail since childhood, with a particularly sensitive stomach. Whenever she ate fried food, she’d get stomach pain and diarrhea. Following the doctor’s advice, I carefully controlled her diet solely to protect her health. Yet my care was so misunderstood. I suddenly felt bored and said: “Whatever you want.” Then I turned and walked into my room. Soon after, Rebecca’s cheerful voice came from outside: “Great! Dad, hurry up and take me and Miss Howard out to eat!” I sat quietly in my room, turning a deaf ear to the commotion outside. Once, I too had been heartbroken by Vincent’s change of heart. We’d been together for seven years, and I couldn’t easily accept his transformation. But gradually, I understood a truth. When you start worrying about whether someone will leave you, that person becomes increasingly brazen. So rather than loving others, it’s better to love yourself first. In the afternoon, I was crouched by the sofa watering Rebecca’s plants when Vincent suddenly burst back in. His face was full of anxiety, and when he saw me, he looked like a trapped wild animal that had finally found an outlet for its frustration. He roared: “Riley, how have you been taking care of Rebecca? Don’t you know she has a cold? Why didn’t you remind us when we went out? Do you want to see her get sick? Hurry up and come with me to the hospital!” My hand holding the kettle froze mid-air. My mind went completely blank. Ever since Rebecca’s birthday party, she had been distant from me, and I hadn’t noticed she was running a fever at all. But driven by maternal instinct, I didn’t hesitate to follow Vincent. On the way, I finally pieced together what had happened. Rebecca’s fever was caused by her suddenly feeling feverish during breakfast, then collapsing. I said, “No, Vincent, Rebecca must be having an allergic reaction.” From his brief explanation, I caught the problem. The sandwich they had for breakfast contained peanut butter, and Rebecca is allergic to peanuts. “Is that so?” Vincent looked at me in surprise. I pushed past him and ran desperately toward the hospital. The allergy—this was one of the things I felt most guilty about regarding Rebecca. It was a condition she inherited from me, and in severe cases, it could even be life-threatening. “Riley, slow down! Your shoe!” Vincent quickly caught up with me, panting and holding my other shoe that had fallen off. But I couldn’t care about any of that. Rebecca had broken out in hives, her whole body was flushed red, and she was weakly calling for “Mommy.” “Rebecca!” I reached out, wanting to hold her. In that moment, everything else became irrelevant. Whether she wanted someone else to be her mother, or whether she truly hated me—none of that mattered right now. I just wanted to hold her. “Smack.” However, even in her semi-conscious state, Rebecca recognized me. With hostility, she harshly slapped my hand away. “I don’t want you.” Her hoarse voice cut through my chest like a blade, leaving me breathless with pain. “Rebecca, she’s your mother,” Vincent said disapprovingly. Having just witnessed how frantically I had run over, he naturally understood my desperation. Elsie also noticed my bare feet and the faint smell of blood in the air. She said, “Riley, you’re hurt. Go get your wound treated first. I’ll stay with Rebecca.” As someone who had spent these past two years helping Rebecca grow up, Elsie naturally couldn’t bear to scold her and could only awkwardly change the subject. I looked down at my feet and realized that in my rush to get here, I hadn’t noticed the broken glass on the ground. At the time, I was so worried about Rebecca that I felt no pain at all. Only now, when reminded, did I feel that piercing sting. “Go get it treated,” Vincent said with some guilt. But I just sat down beside Elsie and expressionlessly pulled out the glass shards embedded in my feet. I said, “It’s fine. I’ll stay with Rebecca first.” Only after having a child did I truly understand what heartache meant for the first time. If I could, I would rather be the one lying there. “Are you really okay?” Elsie asked worriedly. Vincent looked concerned too. I said, “I’m fine. The doctor’s here.” Despite the pain, I was the first to rush toward the doctor, because only I knew Rebecca’s medical history and allergies best. An hour later, Rebecca was on an IV drip, her fever had completely broken, but I was feeling dizzy and lightheaded. Blood had soaked through my shoes, and with every step I took, it felt like blades were slicing the soles of my feet. Vincent noticed my condition and wanted to accompany me to treat my wounds. However, Rebecca wouldn’t let go of Vincent and Elsie’s hands, her haggard face full of dependence. I said, “It’s not necessary.” I weakly adjusted Rebecca’s blanket corner. She wouldn’t let me touch her, and I didn’t dare force it, so I could only try to get close to her this way. “Stop pretending,” Rebecca said, turning her face away. I dejectedly touched my sleeve and turned toward the surgical department. By now, I had been walking on my injured feet for over an hour, and they were covered in blood. The doctor was impressed by my stubborn endurance while also scolding me for not taking better care of myself. I wiped the sweat from my forehead and gave him a forced smile: “It’s just a minor injury.” Compared to Rebecca’s attitude toward me, this really was just an insignificant little wound.
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