I spent four years on IVF, my body riddled with countless needle marks, enduring endless nights of pain. Leo and I were finally going to have a child. When I rushed to tell him the good news, I saw him holding a little boy. That child called him “Daddy.” By the time Leo got back, I had smashed everything in the house I could get my hands on. The maid was huddled in a corner, too terrified to clean, secretly calling Leo: “Sir, Mrs. Hayes is throwing a fit again.” The house was so big, I collapsed onto the carpet, exhausted. Leo walked in, impeccably dressed in his suit, and loomed over me with a cold, superior gaze. Seeing I wouldn’t speak, he unbuttoned his jacket and tossed it onto a pile of shattered glass. “What’s wrong *now*?” His voice was laced with fatigue, and unmistakable impatience. The moment he loosened his tie. A prominent hickey on his neck hit me like a punch to the gut. I grabbed a half-broken vase nearby and hurled it at him. He dodged it effortlessly, as if he’d been expecting it. But my outburst clearly enraged him. He yanked me up, dragging me into the bathroom. “Look at yourself, don’t you look like a lunatic?” I followed his gaze. In the mirror, a disheveled, wild-eyed woman stared back—her nightgown ripped in several places that I hadn’t even noticed, lipstick smeared across her face, dark circles under her eyes, hair disheveled like a ghost. It was me. I didn’t want to see myself like this, but Leo wouldn’t allow it. He gripped my chin tightly, forcing me to confront my pathetic reflection. “So, you *can* feel ashamed? Did you ever think about *my* feelings? Coming home every day to a crazy person, constantly on guard, worried she’ll pick up an ashtray and smash it over my head.” The scar on his forehead had faded significantly, but it was still visible. I’d thrown that. Why had I thrown it? I thought for a long moment. Then it hit me. He’d had a child with that secretary. I turned to him: “Did Serena’s baby get aborted?” His eyelashes fluttered slightly. He nodded: “Yes, it was aborted.” Four years ago, he’d given me the same answer. So who was that little boy he was holding at the hospital entrance today? That child called him Daddy! 2 Leo took me to a hotel. His phone lay on the bedside table. Naturally, I picked it up to check it. Going through his phone had become second nature, a muscle memory. There was never anything in there, and there wouldn’t be. But I still had to look. Only then could I feel a sliver of peace. Leo came out of the shower, glanced at the phone in my hand, and a mocking smile played on his lips. “Find anything?” He handed me my medication and a glass of water. I held the phone up to him. “Why did you give Serena money? Half a million. Why?” This was a transfer record from six months ago. I’d questioned him about it before, and he’d given me some reason. But I’d long forgotten what it was. I’d been on antidepressants for two years, and they’d truly messed with my mind. Even though I’d stopped taking them years ago, my memory only seemed to get worse. So now, whenever I got a little hysterical, he’d push the pills on me. His gaze flickered over my body, then settled on my face, and a sudden, undeniable look of disgust flashed in his eyes. My hand went slack, and the phone clattered to the floor. “I get it.” I quickly burrowed under the covers, turning my back to him, forcing myself to sleep, forcing myself to forget that look. In the middle of the night, Leo left. Before he went, he took a call, whispering sweet nothings to the person on the other end. It seemed he couldn’t soothe them, so he hastily dressed and rushed out. My stomach lurched with nausea. I scrambled to the bathroom and threw up. I stared blankly at my haggard reflection in the mirror: *When should I tell him I’m pregnant?* 3 In the fourth year of our marriage, I decided I wanted a child. The reason was simple: Leo seemed to really like kids. The last time, when I’d forced Serena to abort her baby, he’d thrown a huge tantrum. I’d had to threaten suicide for him to finally agree. He said he couldn’t bear to lose me, never in a million years. I believed him. So, I wanted to give him a child. Four years of IVF, my body was covered in countless needle marks. Just yesterday, the doctor told me we’d succeeded. Leo and I were going to have a baby. This was our dream from when we were in our twenties! “Let’s have a child, preferably a girl. Beautiful and gentle, just like you. She’ll be my second little princess!” Such romantic words, they still warm my heart when I recall them. If I hadn’t seen him at the hospital entrance, if I hadn’t seen Serena, if I hadn’t seen that little boy, my twenty-year-old dream would have been perfectly fulfilled. It turned out that even the most romantic words and past memories couldn’t overcome the deeply ingrained desire to have an heir. Serena was carrying a boy. Maybe that’s why she was so brazen—perhaps she knew all along she held a winning card. A sharp pain shot through my head. I had to crouch down to ease it, pounding my temples with my fists. When the pain subsided, I felt a little lighter. The next morning, Leo returned. “I’m pregnant.” The hotel key card slipped from his hand and hit the floor. “What?” I repeated myself, then fixed my gaze on his eyes, not wanting to miss a single one of his expressions. There was no joy, no annoyance, just a quiet stare, tinged with a hint of shock. “That’s… good news.” “Do you really think so?” He nodded: “Of course.” Then he naturally picked up the key card, took off his jacket in the entryway, and walked into the bathroom. He didn’t want this child. We’d been together for seven years, married for six. I could understand the meaning behind a single glance from him. Why? Was it because he already had a child? It must be. Before, when I couldn’t get pregnant, he always consoled me, saying, “what’s meant to be, will be.” Were my four years of effort just a joke in his eyes? He treated me like a spectator, an act on a stage, a clown flailing around, making a complete fool of myself. When he was in a good mood, he’d smile at me; when he wasn’t, he’d simply close his eyes and pretend to nap. I stormed into the bathroom. He quickly turned off the water. “What on earth do you want?” Before I could speak, tears streamed down my face, betraying me. Leo yanked a bathrobe from the rack and threw it on, then shoved me out of the bathroom. “Leo, you have no heart! Do you know how much I suffered, how much pain I endured to get pregnant with this child, and *this* is your attitude?” He grabbed a cigarette, lit it, and took a drag. “What kind of attitude should I have?” It was always like this. Whenever I broke down and went crazy, he was always so calm and composed. “You bastard! You’re heartless, you—” “Shut up.” Leo threw the cigarette heavily to the floor, grabbing my shoulders with such force that my entire arm went numb. “Scarlett, did I ever say I wanted a child? This is all *your* one-sided fantasy. You want to trap me with a baby, you want to solidify your position, don’t you dare drag *me* into it!” He finished, then shoved me onto the bed. I was stunned by his吼声. It was true, after we got married, he hadn’t mentioned having children. “I…” Leo sighed. “I was too impulsive just now. Did I hurt you?” I threw a pillow at his face. “You were willing to have a child with Serena, didn’t bat an eye giving her half a million, but when *I’m* pregnant, you act like this and yell at me?” For years, I’d meticulously followed Serena’s every move. She was younger than me, had a better figure than me, and sweeter words than me. I couldn’t compare to her. Nowhere, not at all. So Leo’s affections shifted, he fell for her, and had a child with her. “Why did you give her money? Why did you buy her things?” A bracelet worth over three hundred thousand dollars—he’d specially chosen it for Serena’s birthday last year. For my birthday, his assistant just casually picked out a cheap scarf. Leo stared at me, then let out a sudden laugh. “You should have said something sooner.” He turned and walked out of the bedroom, returning a moment later with his wallet. “What do you me—” Before I could finish, he threw a card and a wad of cash directly at my face, hitting my eyes with stinging force. “Is that enough?” “Enough for what?” He pulled out another card and threw it at me. I instinctively caught it, then another, and finally, he hurled the entire wallet at me. “IS THAT ENOUGH?!” I stared at him blankly. “What are you talking about?” His expression was cold, then a forced smile appeared on his face, his narrow eyes devoid of any warmth. “To buy the baby in your belly. If it’s enough, then don’t you dare bring it up again.” So he wanted to buy the baby in my belly! I opened my mouth, wanting to explain that I wasn’t arguing with him for money. On the contrary, he had given me more than enough. But as the words reached my lips, it felt like I’d been doused with ice water from head to toe. My heart went completely cold. “No need. You’ve given me enough.” I bent down and picked up the cards one by one, putting them into my wallet. To buy the baby in my belly, the money he’d already given me was enough. No need for more. “Go to sleep. I’m tired.” With that, I turned over and got into bed. Leo stood there for a very long time, then placed a kiss on my hair: “I’m sorry.” 4 Leo and I met in college.
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