1 At twenty, I saved Connor from a crash and suffered a brain injury. Since then, a glowing number hovered above his head, his love for me. It stayed fixed at 100. I believed he loved me best. That certainty died on our wedding rehearsal day. I fainted at the venue and was rushed to the hospital. Wandering the halls, I found Connor pinning Stella, my best friend, against a wall. They kissed until their lips bled. “Stella, I love you. Why can’t we be together?” Stella pushed him back, eyes red. “Audrey saved your life. You can’t do this to her.” Tears filled Connor’s eyes. “Must I repay her with a lifetime of unhappiness? I’d rather have died in that crash.” Stella broke, sobbing into his arms. Above Connor, the number flickered, plunging from 100 to 50. I forced a weak smile, fingers curling around the medical report in my pocket. Brain Cancer, it read in bold. A perfect love could halve in a heartbeat. If this was its fragility, I wanted no part of it. … I stood completely still behind the corner, watching them devour each other. Connor’s hands gripped Stella’s waist tightly. The wedding band from our rehearsal was still shining on his left ring finger. I knew my name was engraved on the inside. He had carved it himself. Stella stood on her tiptoes, wrapping her arms around his neck. The delicate bridesmaid corsage tied around her wrist mocked my utter stupidity. Just three hours ago, during the rehearsal, she had looked Connor dead in the eye and issued a tearful warning. “If you ever break Audrey’s heart, I will haunt you for the rest of your life. Do you hear me?” Connor had stood there with glossy eyes. It took him a long time to finally nod. Looking back now, I realized that thirty second pause was filled entirely with regret and reluctance. But Stella was the one who introduced Connor to me in the first place. And Connor had chased me relentlessly for a whole year before I finally agreed to date him. They had a million chances to be together. Why wait until now to rip my heart out? I crouched against the cold wall, completely overwhelmed by the pain. It wasn’t until my legs went entirely numb that they finally noticed me. Connor’s eyes filled with immediate, practiced concern. He hurried over and helped me stand. “Audrey, why aren’t you wearing your shoes again?” I looked down. I had run out of my hospital room barefoot. I used to do that at home all the time. Whenever I did, Connor would gently pull my freezing feet into his lap and warm them with his own hands, terrified I would catch a cold. But today, he caught a glimpse of Stella’s mournful expression and hesitated. “Here, Audrey. Put my shoes on.” As he bent down to take off his sneakers, the glowing number above his head flickered again. It settled at 45. Another five points gone. All because my mere presence made Stella feel sad. I swallowed the vile, acidic bitterness rising in my throat and shoved Connor away. I turned around and walked off without a single backward glance. I naively thought that if I didn’t look back, I wouldn’t have to see it. But the polished glass doors of the hospital ward acted like a mirror, reflecting their every move perfectly. Stella was walking with her head down, looking incredibly depressed. Connor quickly closed the distance between them and carefully wrapped a protective arm around her shoulders. Stella shivered slightly, but she didn’t push him away. Eventually, their reflections blurred into one. My nose stung. A violent, splitting headache tore through my skull. The doctor’s grim warning echoed in my ears. He had told me the surgery to remove the tumor only had a fifty percent survival rate. And even if I lived, I would likely suffer from severe memory loss. Initially, I was terrified. I was terrified of dying on the operating table. But more than anything, I was terrified of forgetting Connor and Stella. Now, I suddenly felt like it was a blessing. Dying or losing my memory. Either option sounded infinitely better than living this nightmare. I pulled out my phone and sent a quick text to my neurosurgeon. “I agree to the surgery. Please schedule it as soon as possible.” Twenty minutes later, they walked into my room. They kept a perfectly respectable distance from each other, acting as if nothing had happened. But my eyes instantly locked onto the faint, purplish bruise peeking out from the collar of Stella’s blouse. Connor had a strict rule. No matter how heated things got, he never left marks on my skin. I used to tease him about it, begging him to leave a hickey, but he always refused. Today, he broke his own rule for someone else. Even though I knew they didn’t have enough time to go all the way, my chest still ached so badly I could barely breathe. I quickly looked away, forcing my brain to shut down. “Audrey, sorry to keep you waiting.” “Stella bought you some chicken soup. Eat it while it’s hot.” Connor opened the takeout container and instinctively reached out to feed me. But then, as if remembering something, his hand froze mid air. I knew exactly what he was doing. He was creating boundaries. Like a well rehearsed dance they had performed a thousand times, Stella smoothly took the bowl from his hands. “Move out of the way, Connor. You are so clumsy. You have absolutely no idea how to take care of a patient.” “Audrey, you really need to train him better.” Connor let out a soft, amused scoff. “Who says? I am great at taking care of people. You will see one day.” They fell right back into their usual banter, effortlessly bouncing words off each other, neither willing to let the other win. A dynamic I used to think was perfectly innocent now clearly looked like shameless flirting. Humiliated, I lowered my head and stared at the bowl of soup. It was heavily garnished with cilantro. I despise cilantro. Connor knew that. Stella knew that too. They were just too distracted by each other to notice. I tried to push the bowl away, but my hand accidentally collided with Stella’s. The scalding hot broth splashed all over the back of her hand, leaving a bright red burn. Before I could even check on her, Connor shoved me backward. “Audrey! If you don’t want to eat, then don’t eat. Stop throwing your little princess tantrums!” He quickly turned his back on me, his voice softening into pure panic. “Are you okay? Does it hurt?” I froze on the bed, entirely lost. It was the very first time he had ever snapped at me like that. I slumped back onto the mattress, wanting to explain that it was an accident, but the words wouldn’t come. I just sat there and watched Connor apply burn ointment to Stella’s hand with agonizing care. The sour, burning jealousy bubbled up in my chest again. That look of absolute devastation used to belong to me. Now, it had a new owner. The pain in my head magnified to an unbearable level. I couldn’t hold it back anymore. I coughed, and a mouthful of dark blood splattered across my hospital gown. It looked horrific against the white fabric. Stella gasped and rushed toward me, but before she could even touch my arm, Connor yanked her back. “Audrey, are you seriously still playing the fake blood trick? Haven’t you had enough?” As the cruel words left his mouth, the number above his head plummeted to 25. A wretched, hollow laugh escaped my lips. The metallic taste of blood coated my tongue, growing thicker by the second. I didn’t even know when it started, but recently, whenever my headaches got too severe, I would vomit blood. I didn’t dare tell Connor. I was even too terrified to see a doctor. I was so afraid that if I actually died, it would break his heart. So, I started pretending it was a prank I saw online. The first time I did it, Connor had pulled me into his arms, shaking uncontrollably, crying and begging me never to leave him. Now, he looked at me with nothing but cold, absolute disgust. My prank excuse had worked perfectly. So why did my heart feel like it was being ripped apart? I swallowed hard, desperately trying to force the blood back down, but it just kept coming. Seeing my silence, Connor shook his head in sheer disappointment. He wrapped his arm around Stella and stormed out of the room. It wasn’t until the heavy door clicked shut that I realized my face was completely soaked with tears. I wiped them away furiously, telling myself over and over again to stop crying. I was going to die soon anyway. What did any of this matter? After they left, I snuck out of the hospital and took a cab to my mother’s cemetery. When my mom passed away, I was thrown into the foster system. The only real friend I made in the orphanage was Stella. I would never forget those days. When everyone else ignored me, she was the only one who talked to me. When the older kids bullied me, she would secretly save her dinner rolls and sneak them to me. Years later, she was the one who brought Connor, her supposed best friend, into my life. I used to pray and thank the universe for giving me the best friend and the most loving boyfriend in the world. Now, it was all just a sick, twisted joke. I honestly didn’t understand. Why had the beautiful life I built with my own two hands rotted away so completely? I sat in front of that freezing headstone from dusk until dawn. I still couldn’t find an answer. Just as the sun began to rise, Connor finally found me. “Audrey, so you are pulling the runaway act now? Do you have any idea how… do you have any idea…” He didn’t finish the sentence, but I could hear the genuine panic beneath his anger. He held out a woman’s trench coat. It carried the faint, sweet scent of gardenias. Stella’s signature perfume. I stared at the coat. It was clearly a size too big for me. My nose stung, and the tears threatened to spill again. Truthfully, their affair wasn’t exactly a well hidden secret. Over the last few years, a lot of things had appeared in our apartment that were just one size too big. Clothes, shoes, perfume, jewelry. Even the engagement ring currently sitting on my finger was slightly loose. I used to tell myself he was just a little careless. But looking back, every single one of those “careless” mistakes was a quiet, desperate tribute to the woman he truly loved but couldn’t have. I didn’t say a word. I just reached over, pulled the engagement ring off my finger, and placed it on top of the trench coat. I shoved both of them back into Connor’s chest. “Keep it. I don’t need any of this anymore.” Connor’s face darkened instantly. The last tiny shred of his patience vanished. “Audrey! When are you going to stop throwing this tantrum!” “Is this what you want? You want Stella and me to constantly drop everything and revolve our lives around you?!” I looked up at him, my eyes red and exhausted. “I am not throwing a tantrum.” “I just…” I wanted to tell him that I was simply stepping aside. I wanted to give them their freedom. But he had already lost all interest in hearing me out. He was completely done. “Whatever, Audrey. Do whatever the hell you want.” He spun on his heel and walked away, leaving me completely alone among the graves. The freezing morning wind cut right through my thin clothes. A bitter, self deprecating smile pulled at the corners of my mouth. This time, he didn’t even notice I was barefoot. I walked down the mountain path, feeling the sharp rocks bite into my skin. By the time I finally reached my apartment building, my feet were bloodied and raw. But as I stepped into the dark stairwell, I heard two very familiar voices. Connor and Stella. “Connor, stop! We can’t!” “Audrey is my best friend. I absolutely cannot betray her.” Stella’s voice was thick with tears, dripping with the tragic restraint of a martyr. Connor’s eyes were bloodshot. His voice was raw, desperate, and completely unhinged. “Stella, I want you by my side forever. I want a baby with you! Our baby!” “We can just go to Audrey and explain everything. We can beg for her forgiveness. She is so kind, I know she will understand and give us her blessing!” A sharp slap echoed through the concrete stairwell. “Connor, get a grip!” But the second she hit him, her facade crumbled. “Connor… let’s just pretend today is our final goodbye.” “After today, we can never see each other again. Okay?” She stood on her tiptoes, crying, and pressed her lips against his. I stood paralyzed in the shadows, watching them smoothly unlock the door to the apartment I shared with Connor. My home. Through the narrow crack in the door, I saw Stella looking up at him, her face flushed red. “What if Audrey comes back?” Connor was breathing heavily, his voice dripping with pure lust. “She won’t. I left her stranded at the cemetery. There are no cabs out there this early. She is stuck.” “When we are done, I will go pick her up.” The heavy door clicked shut. Right before it closed, I caught a final glimpse of the number above Connor’s head. It was down to 10. My heart plunged into a bottomless abyss, shattering into a million irreparable pieces. I bit down on my lower lip so hard I tasted copper. Driven by a masochistic need to confirm my worst nightmare, I pulled out my phone and dialed Stella’s number. She picked up almost instantly, just like she always did. But this time, her voice was breathy, punctuated by uncontrollable, soft gasps. “Audrey? Where are you… I have been so worried about you…” In the background, beneath her sweet, breathy voice, I heard a low, heavy groan. Connor’s groan. My stomach violently rebelled. I doubled over and dry heaved until I felt like I was going to pass out. When there was absolutely nothing left in my stomach, I stumbled out of the building and ran blindly into the streets. I didn’t know how long I walked. By the time I finally looked up, the sky was completely dark. Suddenly, the hair on the back of my neck stood up. I noticed a group of shady looking men trailing behind me. Their eyes were glued to my body, making my skin crawl. I sped up. They matched my pace. Their heavy footsteps echoed loudly in the empty, narrow street. Pure terror swallowed me whole. My hands were shaking so violently I could barely unlock my screen, but muscle memory took over. I dialed Connor’s number. Ring. Ring. Pick up! Please just pick up! Finally, the line connected. Connor’s voice was lazy, dripping with deep annoyance. “What do you want now? God, Audrey, you are so incredibly annoying!” I didn’t have the energy to fight him. My voice trembled with sheer panic. “Some guys are following me. I am on…” He viciously cut me off before I could finish the sentence. “Enough! Audrey, can you stop playing the victim for five minutes? First you run away, and now you are claiming you are being stalked?” “Do you actually enjoy making up these pathetic lies? I am exhausted!” Tears streamed down my face. I screamed into the receiver in absolute desperation. “Connor! Don’t hang up! I am telling the truth! Please, you have to come save me…” The line went dead. He hung up. When I frantically dialed again, it went straight to a cold, automated voicemail. He had turned his phone off. A tidal wave of absolute despair crashed over me. My legs gave out, and I collapsed onto the concrete pavement. The heavy footsteps drew closer and closer. My vision began to blur. And then, the world went completely silent. When I opened my eyes again, the harsh fluorescent lights of a hospital room blinded me. Connor noticed I was awake immediately. He threw himself at the edge of the bed, his face twisted in agonizing guilt. “Audrey, you are awake!” His voice was hoarse. He reached out to touch my cheek, but his hand hovered awkwardly in the air, too afraid to make contact. “Audrey, I am so sorry. I genuinely thought you were just trying to get my attention.” “I swear to God, I will never leave you alone again.” I stared at his tear stained face, and then up at the glowing number. It was sitting at a pathetic 5. He looked so incredibly fake. I didn’t say a word. I didn’t even blink. The door opened softly, and Stella walked in. She was carrying a paper cup of warm water. In her other hand, a tiny white pill rested on her palm. “Audrey, the past is the past.” “Take this morning after pill, and everything will… everything will be fine.” When I continued to stare at the ceiling in silence, Stella’s voice grew thick with forced emotion. “Audrey, please don’t worry. No matter what happened, Connor is going to marry you.” “Right, Connor?” Connor looked up at her. His eyes were a chaotic storm of conflicting emotions. It took him a long time to finally speak. “Audrey, let’s go to City Hall and get married today.” A cold, bitter laugh erupted from my chest. “Can you two please drop the act?” “If I had actually gotten pregnant tonight, wouldn’t that just be the perfect excuse for the two of you to finally get rid of me?” Connor and Stella locked eyes, completely stunned. Before tonight, I had genuinely planned to quietly step aside and let them be happy. But right now, the only thing I felt for them was pure, unadulterated hatred. All the color drained from Connor’s face. He scrambled for an excuse. “Audrey, no, it is not what you think. We just…” But the words died in his throat. He couldn’t formulate a single believable lie. I was entirely done listening to their garbage. I ripped the IV out of the back of my hand, pushed myself off the mattress, and headed for the door. Stella suddenly dropped to her knees right in front of me. She grabbed a heavy glass water pitcher from the nightstand and violently smashed it against her own forehead. The glass shattered. Blood poured down her face, soaking into her eyelashes. But she acted like she didn’t feel a thing. She reached out and grabbed the hem of my hospital gown. “Audrey, I am so sorry!” “This is all my fault. You can hit me, you can scream at me, but please don’t blame Connor.” “I will leave town right now. You will never have to look at me again.” Connor let out a strangled cry and pulled Stella into his arms, completely abandoning any pretense of hiding his panic and heartache. “Stella, are you okay? God, does it hurt?” “Why would you do something so stupid…” When he turned his head to look at me, the guilt was completely gone. His eyes were blazing with furious, self righteous anger. “Audrey, you are a heartless, ungrateful bitch!” “Stella must have been blind to ever befriend someone as toxic as you!” I slid down the wall, sitting on the cold linoleum floor. I watched the number above his head drop from 5 to zero. I laughed so hard tears streamed down my face. Someone like me? What kind of person was I? Was I the kind of person who deserved to be betrayed by the two people I loved most in the world?! In that single moment, every last ounce of love and friendship I held for them evaporated into thin air. I looked up at the man I had given everything for, without a single shred of hesitation left in my soul. “Connor, we are done.” Connor opened his mouth, ready to scream at me again, but the door swung open. My neurosurgeon walked in holding a clipboard. “Audrey, get prepared. We are taking you into the OR in thirty minutes.” “If you have any final arrangements to make, do it now. You might not make it off the operating table.” Connor’s pupils dilated in absolute shock. “What do you mean?”
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